TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TH Anonymous Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
TH Anonymous's Avatar
 

Posts: 163
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Inability to feel or identify love? - March 5th 2018, 06:57 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

[SIZE="a"]I was pretty severely sexually abused as a child (or so I have been told ... I still don't really believe it) and I was also abused at home by some people.

I don't know how old I was when any of the abuse started. The abuse at home probably started when I was young. The sexual abuse started when I was 5.

Anyway, I have always had an inability to feel love. It's not in the sense that I don't care about people or I lack empathy. I just don't really know what love is.

It's hard to explain because I feel it makes me come off as someone who doesn't have empathy but I DO ... I have a ton of empathy ... sometimes I feel like I am more empathetic than I should be.

I just don't really know if I know how to feel love?

I know I have always struggled with this and I have always struggled to tell people I love them.

A therapist once asked me if my abusers said they loved me...at the time I said I didn't know but over the years...I do know that one of the sexually abusive people said he loved me.... 'acted' like he loved me and didn't want to stop abusing me because he 'loved me'.

I also know that when I was younger some of the abuse was at the hands of a parent. I am still trying to figure all that out so I can't say much on that ... but I know she would say things about love ...

I think I might have detached from love because the people hurting me talked a lot about love or were supposed to love me?

I tried looking up if people who have been sexually abused struggle with 'feeling' or 'knowing' what love is ... but I kept getting articles pertaining to relationships which were great to share with my boyfriend ... but not so helpful.

Has anyone else had this issue?

It makes me feel like an evil person because of it but it's not like I don't care about people, it's not like I wish harm on people or anything like that...I just don't know what love is, I guess?

(IDK if this needs prefix since it's already in the abuse forum but I did go into some detail so I wanted to be safe)[/size]
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Verbal venom.

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 9,746
Blog Entries: 1469
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Inability to feel or identify love? - March 6th 2018, 11:47 AM

Something came to mind when reading this. You stored the memories of abuse as a child, when they happened. When you relive them, you experience the feelings and thoughts that your child self may have had. Perhaps as a child you didn't feel like you were loved so you didn't know what it was and that's why you currently don't feel as though you know what it is.

Love can be subjective; what if you redefine it for yourself and make your own kind of love that you can identify with? That way you do know what love is, it's just your own version.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
cynefin Offline
Verbal venom.

TeenHelp Addict
************
 
cynefin's Avatar
 
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Location: 1261'

Posts: 9,746
Blog Entries: 1469
Join Date: August 25th 2012

Re: Inability to feel or identify love? - March 6th 2018, 11:47 AM

Something came to mind when reading this. You stored the memories of abuse as a child, when they happened. When you relive them, you experience the feelings and thoughts that your child self may have had. Perhaps as a child you didn't feel like you were loved so you didn't know what it was and that's why you currently don't feel as though you know what it is.

Love can be subjective; what if you redefine it for yourself and make your own kind of love that you can identify with? That way you do know what love is, it's just your own version.


Articles & Resources Officer|Lead Moderator|Senior Newsletter Editor
The mountains are calling and I must go.
1941-2016

Nature does not rush, yet everything is accomplished
-Lao Tzu
Memories made in the mountains stay in our hearts forever
Move the body, quiet the mind
   
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Celyn's Avatar
 
Name: Holly
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Wales

Posts: 5,358
Blog Entries: 149
Join Date: June 16th 2009

Re: Inability to feel or identify love? - March 8th 2018, 10:17 PM

I agree with the above. It's likely that the abuse you experienced as a child has got in the way of you knowing what love feels like (although as it's been said, love is subjective) and it can also affect how you express love too.

The people who were supposed to love you, and did talk about love, hurt you instead. This would be very difficult for a child to make sense of and it's understandable that it would still affect you now. Without knowing what a loving and caring relationship looks and feels like during childhood, it can affect how you think and feel about love, as well as cause problems when trying to love others- struggling to tell someone that you love them.

None of this makes you evil though. Personally, I do struggle with showing love and affection. Not sure I know exactly what love feels like either- I know the dizzying heights of infatuation, and I guess I can have glimpses of love when I reflect on how others have been there for me etc., but other than that, I'm not sure either. I do like the above suggestion with perhaps working out your own definition.


HelpLINK and Live Help Officer
Feel free to PM me! Even if I canít help, Iím always going to listen <3
SKITTLIFY!

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
feel, identify, inability, love

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.