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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Saria Offline
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Exclamation HELP!! I have no idea what is going to happen - May 27th 2009, 11:52 AM

I don't really know where to start so I am just going to start from the beginning.

Once I was born my mother never really did like me and she didn't really raise me at all it was her mother, my grandmother that raised me. Anyway by the time I was about seven my Mum and dad started fighting. They used to fight really badly and it use to scare me so much. There were numerous times when the police had gotten involved and I had, had to spend time with only one of my parents to give them some space. After a few years, when I was around 11, the police said that how my parents were fighting was domestic violence and they said that if they had to come visit our house again my siblings and i would have to only live with my mother and she would get full custody. This absolutely scared me to death because it was always my mum that started the fights and got violent. It wasn't that she was a bad person it was just because she suffered depression and sometimes lost control. She also acted the way she did because she use to smoke illegal drugs, eg cannabis and marijuana. Anyway after my parents were told that they still kept fighting but instead of involving the police when something got dangerous they just handled it themselves. It used to drive me crazy and make me really upset because they said i couldn't tell anyone because i would be taken away from them. It used to make me really depressed to because i never had any friends and i used to hate my life.

During my last year of primary school my dad had a heart attack that year because he was stressing out to much about my mum and he didn't have a healthy life style. To stop him having more heart attacks, as a family we decided we needed a change of scenory. So the following year, 1 term into high school we moved to Broome W.A. from Alice Springs N.T. I loved it in Broome and made lots of friends and had a good time.

But unfortuantly things between my parents hadn't gotten any better and it had got to the point where my siblings and i were neglected. I use to come home from school and have to take full care of my siblings (aged 7 and 1 at the time) for up to 5 days. It botered me alot and i knew what they were doing was wrong but i still didn't want to be taken away from my family so i didn't say anything to anyone. Eventually it got to much and I told one of my teachers from school except i told her i only used to be left for an hour or so. She thought i could handle it she didnt say anything but said i should talk to the school counsellor so i did. evenutally the school counsellor sort of found out it was longer than i said and said she was going to report it but then i stopped seeing her. After 7 months of living in Broome my parents found out i told someone and to be on the safe side we moved again.

This time we moved to the gold coast. At this time I was 13 years old. At school i was still really depressed even though i was making friends. I also got into a habbit of self harming. (Though i only used to cut myself using my fingernails but they were shapr enough to break the skin) Eventually it got to much and i talked to one of my teachers about it briefly and she said i should talk to the school counsellor. I went to see the school counsellor but i didn't really feel comfortable talking to him so i didn't talk to him often. After a term on the gold coast my mum really wasn't handling things. one weekend she attempted suicide a total of four times in 3 days. It really upset me and the behaviour management teached at my school found out. she had known something was wrong before then and had tried to get me to talk about it but i had refused to. She ws also thinking about reporting it to the school principle until she found out about my mum. She then reported it instantly and now i might be taken away from my family.

I don't know what i want now. I don't know if i want to stay with my family who love me but treat me badly and abuse me and who i am not safe with or if i want to go into a foster family who i dont know. Also if the department of child prtectiong find out i do need to be taken away from my family will i have to got a trial.

I am so confused and i don't know what is going to happen I just want it all to end.


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Cookie.prose17 Offline
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Re: HELP!! I have no idea what is going to happen - May 27th 2009, 12:08 PM

First of all, I am deeply, truly sorry that you had to grow up like that. I am concerned for you, and your two younger siblings. That is an abusive, dangerous environment for all three of you. Regardless of whether you will be taken away from your family or not, it's the right thing to do, to tell someone. By what you've told me, they won't get better--they'll get worse. The police has gotten involved, the counselor wanted to report them, and what was their response? They didn't stop any of this behavior, they continued it, uprooted you, and moved somewhere else. Clearly, they are a bad influence on you, since you've started to cut yourself. That isn't a home you want to continue to live in. And even if you think you can take it, and that you don't want to be separated from your family, think about your siblings. If for no one else, do it for your siblings, because if this continues, they may become like your parents (or grandparents?). The younger you are, the more your parents can influence you. You turned out like this--cutting yourself, becoming depressed. They could very well turn out the same way. Be strong for your siblings, and report your parents to the police. All three of you deserve better homes, and your parents need to get help. Reporting this is the only way for all of this to end, and for you and your siblings to lead a happier life. It disturbs me that you didn't report this earlier, but you were a child, and children can be manipulated. Do the right thing, as soon as possible.

--Oh...I actually didn't see that last paragraph ^^;; Well, it's been reported. Your life will get better after all of this is done and over with. Know that it's not your fault--whatever consequences that follow your parent's actions. Their decisions were their own. Best of luck.

Last edited by Cookie.prose17; May 27th 2009 at 12:11 PM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: HELP!! I have no idea what is going to happen - May 27th 2009, 09:09 PM

Hey Saria,

I think it's bound to be scary, when abuse is reported. It's a huge change, you know? Suddenly, someone else knows about what goes on at home. People are going to get involved and you may be separated from your family. You don't know what's going to happen for sure. But, what you need to do is trust that the people handling this - your school, the police, child services - they'll do what they feel is best for you and your siblings. When it comes to abuse, the primary concern of child services is to ensure you're in as safe an environment as possible. If the environment isn't stable at the moment, they'll look to see if there's any way you can remain with your parents. This might involve making your mum go to counseling and having CPS visit your home once or twice a week to make sure everything is ok. But, if they don't think staying with your parents is best right now, they'll look to find other relatives you can stay with before they seek a foster family. They'll want you to be somewhere where your lives will be disrupted as least as possible, and they'll try to put you with a close relative - grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. As a last resort most likely, you'll move in with a foster family. Whatever happens though, talk with whoever is handling your case and ask to be kept in the loop about what's going on. Raise your voice and tell them how this is making you feel and tell them what you think is best. Because you're directly involved in this I'm sure they'd consider your opinion and take that into consideration when determining where you're going to go.

Something I definitely think will help, at least short-term, is talking with someone about what's going on, someone you trust. A close friend or a teacher, a coach, religious leader...anyone, so long as you're not keeping it bottled up inside. Again, don't be afraid to talk about how this is all affecting you. It's a lot to take in at once, you know?

There might be change coming soon but, remember that it's for the best. Your family might be your family but the fact is, you shouldn't have to be in this kind of environment, it's not fair to you at all. You shouldn't have to deal with what's going on at home and have the responsibility for taking care of your siblings, that should be your parents' job. Moving away for a while may be the best option right now. And who knows? If they place you in another home, there's no saying you'll never live with your parents again. The point of the foster care system is to provide children with a safer home, until they can return to their family - not to take kids away permanently. You never know what will happen.

I'm here anytime you'd like to talk about anything, ok? You're being so strong, just hang in there. Take good care of yourself now. <3



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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: HELP!! I have no idea what is going to happen - June 5th 2009, 12:20 AM

Saria,

I am so sorry that you and your siblings have had to go through that. But your safety is the mosst important thing. The safety of you and your siblings comes first. I know tha you love your parents. They're parents, and even as much as ou hae them at times, they're still your parents. But wouldn't you rather love them from a new home? One where you didn't have the responsibility of looking after your siblings, and takign on those responsibilities? Wouldn't you rather love them knowing that you are safe, and now not only do you have them to love you, as well as your siblings, but you have new foster family to love you also?





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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Saria Offline
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Re: HELP!! I have no idea what is going to happen - June 5th 2009, 11:47 PM

I definately would rather love my family from a foster home but I know its not going to be easy and that is what I am scared of. I always feel so confused now. I have no idea how I feel or what I want and I just want to give up. Things are too hard. I don't see the point in trying any more!!!


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: HELP!! I have no idea what is going to happen - June 8th 2009, 02:23 AM

When stuff like that happens, I know it's so tough on you, but it's just the way it is I guess, and trust me, you'll be a stronger person for overcoming it all. No one deserves to live the way that you have to, and if you help the police in removing your parents from custody, your siblings and you will be safer, and your parents will be able to gain some stability in their own lives and once that is done then you can see them again.
   
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