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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Dust and Ash

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My stepdad keeps belittling us - May 7th 2018, 07:42 PM

My stepdad keeps saying mean things to my mom, brothers, and me. When we don't do something right, he always has to make a remark and such. One time my brothers went to feed the dog, and the dog tipped his bowl over. My brother didn't know that and my stepdad saw the bowl tipped over and asked why no one cares about anything in the house. My mom said that my brother did feed the dog and move the bowl like my stepdad wanted, but my stepdad said to move his bowl farther away. That would result in the dog not being able to eat. My stepdad then kept saying how no one does anything right and that we are useless. He will also disrespect me or my mom and when I try to talk back, he threatens to slap me and says that I need to learn my place and that I should not backtalk. He yells at my mom and ignores what she says, and only seems focused on himself. I don't really know how to handle this.


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Re: My stepdad keeps belittling us - May 8th 2018, 01:59 AM

He sounds despicable, everyone should have the common courtesy to treat others like human beings. I suggest possibly bringing it up with your Mother? Tell her how he has threatened physical assault, you should not have to deal with someone like that in your own home.

I hope you can figure everything out,
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Dust and Ash

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Re: My stepdad keeps belittling us - May 8th 2018, 03:58 PM

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Originally Posted by Rottingpetals View Post
He sounds despicable, everyone should have the common courtesy to treat others like human beings. I suggest possibly bringing it up with your Mother? Tell her how he has threatened physical assault, you should not have to deal with someone like that in your own home.

I hope you can figure everything out,
Best Wishes
Rose
Well thing is, my mom is always around when he threatens physical assault. She doesn't and hasn't ever said anything to stop him, and sometimes she even joins in on it. I have made other posts about that. They say they are trying to teach us how to be good adults, but do good adults threaten others simply for talking or not doing something the way that individual sees fit? It is hard to figure out.


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Re: My stepdad keeps belittling us - May 9th 2018, 08:32 PM

No, good adults don't threaten others like that. It sounds like "teaching you to be a good adult" is just an excuse to treat you and your siblings in the way that he does.

Do you and your siblings have a safe place? It doesn't seem like it's safe to stand up to your step dad and escaping him when you get the chance could be helpful. A safe place can be anywhere: your bedroom, a favorite hiking trail, etc. For instance maybe you can make your room a safe place and spend time alone or with your siblings when things become difficult.

Do you feel like there is anyone else you can talk to about this? Maybe someone at school such as a teacher or a counselor or maybe a distant family member?


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Dust and Ash

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Re: My stepdad keeps belittling us - May 10th 2018, 03:38 PM

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Originally Posted by cynefin View Post
No, good adults don't threaten others like that. It sounds like "teaching you to be a good adult" is just an excuse to treat you and your siblings in the way that he does.

Do you and your siblings have a safe place? It doesn't seem like it's safe to stand up to your step dad and escaping him when you get the chance could be helpful. A safe place can be anywhere: your bedroom, a favorite hiking trail, etc. For instance maybe you can make your room a safe place and spend time alone or with your siblings when things become difficult.

Do you feel like there is anyone else you can talk to about this? Maybe someone at school such as a teacher or a counselor or maybe a distant family member?
No, we honestly don't have a safe place. Well, unless our rooms during the night counts, but even then it doesn't do anything. Anytime I lock my door to be alone, my mom yells and cusses at me saying that I will regret it next time i lock my door, especially at night. Now I keep my door locked only when she goes to bed and before I pass out.

My brothers don't have a door, so they have nowhere to go besides my room, and even then, it isn't gonna change anything. I have talked to the school counselor, and she told me that she can't do anything unless there is proof, and even then, I highly doubt she will think that my circumstance is remotely close to being bad. I mean, in the town I live in, there are many teens and kids who are being abused and no one does anything about it.

And I told my counselor this back when my mom was talking about counseling, so she left me alone. I haven't been able to talk to any adults, but an opportunity did come when my teacher was watching my laptop and saw me talking about home life. She called me over after class and asked if I was okay, and I should've talked to her but I froze up and said i was perfectly fine before running out.


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Re: My stepdad keeps belittling us - May 11th 2018, 04:04 PM

It doesn't seem like you have a physical safe place but maybe you could work on a mental one. To do this, you can choose or imagine a place that would feel comforting to you. Try to imagine what it would look like or sound like and kind of immerse yourself in it so you can escape for a few minutes. You could even go on YouTube and listen to nature sounds if they match your safe place, for instance. After a while you will be able to take yourself there when you need to. Kind of like meditating.

Do you still have that teacher? Maybe you can try to talk to her again. From what you've written, she seems caring and she might be a valuable support for you. If you don't feel like you can verbalize it, you could try to write a note and give that to her instead.


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Dust and Ash

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Re: My stepdad keeps belittling us - May 11th 2018, 04:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by cynefin View Post
It doesn't seem like you have a physical safe place but maybe you could work on a mental one. To do this, you can choose or imagine a place that would feel comforting to you. Try to imagine what it would look like or sound like and kind of immerse yourself in it so you can escape for a few minutes. You could even go on YouTube and listen to nature sounds if they match your safe place, for instance. After a while you will be able to take yourself there when you need to. Kind of like meditating.

Do you still have that teacher? Maybe you can try to talk to her again. From what you've written, she seems caring and she might be a valuable support for you. If you don't feel like you can verbalize it, you could try to write a note and give that to her instead.
I'll have to try that then. I mean I may only be able to do so at night since my brother allows me to use his iPad to help soothe me to sleep with music, but I can try that at night. And yes I still have that teacher. I can try to write a note to her, but I don't know if I'll be able to do it this year or next since I get nervous when talking (even handing a note) to people in person.


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