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Discipline or abuse? - September 11th 2018, 01:46 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Back in 2016, I was physically assault by my uncle. He's very abusive when it comes to discipline but mainly towards his girlfriends. At the time he had a girlfriend named Stephanie who he used to beat on and scream at. They would argue a lot. Sometimes in my house. This time i made a really decision and stepped in to help her. I threatened to call the police on him by coming down the stairs with my dialing pad on. I didn't call the police at the exact moment. When I was on the couch I had picked my phone up because i was getting up. Thats when he got on top me and started choking me. Not hard but he had his hand on my neck. He then made a fist at me like he was gonna punch me in my face. He didn't though but he did manage to leave an abrasion on my face. When i had gotton up i was mad and told him to suck my d. He then followed me into the kitchen and back me into the corner like he was gonna attack me again. His friend(well a family friend) had came to the house. He told me not to call the police but i did anyway. My uncle then ran out the back door. He girlfriend followed him. The ambulance and police came and took me to hospital. I didn't have any serious injuries so that was good.

What makes matters worse is that my aunt had coached me to say that i had forgiven him and that i don't want to press charges(which i did). He was let back into the house like a week after he had attacked me. I remember one time he came and i locked myself in the upstairs bathroom because i was scared. Im still scared of him to this day. Whenever i see him i get scared and angry.

I blame myself for all of this. Maybe it was my fault for not staying in a child's place(I was 17 at the time).
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Re: Discipline or abuse? - September 11th 2018, 06:55 AM

No matter what the sitution is, remember:it's never the victum's fault. Of coarse, that doesn't mean it isn't easy to put into your head, but it can be good reasurance. Personally, calling the police was a right move and it's terrible he got away with it.

I hope you're in a better place. I'm sorry this all happened to you.

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Re: Discipline or abuse? - September 11th 2018, 04:37 PM

Abuse and discipline are very different things. It's normal for people to have disagreements, even if it gets a bit heated, but things should never resort to physical and verbal violence.

I think you were very brave for stepping in between your uncle and his girlfriend. And it was a good idea to say that you were going to call the police, even if you didn't at that moment. But your uncle should never have tried to choke or punch you. That is not discipline, that is abusive behaviour. It's not your fault at all as it seems like your uncle can't control his temper leading to violent and abusive situations.

Abuse in the family can sometimes be downplayed. Abusive people don't want to get into trouble with the police, and family may minimise the abuse. But this keeps the abuse hidden and allows it to continue. This might be why your aunt wanted you to forgive your uncle and not press charges. You are not obliged to forgive your uncle though and I'm sorry to hear that you live in fear of seeing him. None of this is your fault though!

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Re: Discipline or abuse? - September 11th 2018, 07:34 PM

As it has been said there is definitely a point where "discipline" crosses the line and becomes abusive or it was intended to be abusive all along. Unfortunately, abuse gets downplayed in families a lot like Holly said. Sometimes it is because people are in denial and can't accept it, or maybe there's another reason (like the abuser is the main financial supporter). Regardless, know it is not your fault. It is your uncle's fault. Your uncle shouldn't have done what he did to you. Keep holding on, because even if it seems like it, the fear and anger you have will not last forever.

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