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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Markers Offline
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Question What the heck do I do? - October 26th 2018, 05:49 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi, I'm Markers. To be perfectly blunt as to why I made an account here and posted, I'm unsure if I'm being abused or not. Also, what can I do about it? (if I am).

Here's my story, shortened.

Things have been going on my entire life, but I have very bad memory of anything before I was 10. When I was 10, my alcoholic father assaulted my mother and gave her head injuries. My mother went to the ER, blah blah blah. She then left to go live with one of her friends. My brother and I were still under my father's roof at the time. Shortly after, I stopped going to school for about six months. I simply refused to go. Of course, not going to school is illegal. Eventually, CPS showed up and I had to go live with my mother. I guess you could call it all a traumatic experience. That was also the first year I went to a mental hospital around October. I don't remember it well, but the hospital was corrupt and the staff had a habit of whenever someone acted out, they would tranquilize the person in front of every other patient. It wasn't pretty, either. They would pull down the person's pants to administer the shot to the butt. Anyway, that ends my 10 year old stuff, as nothing really happened until I turned 11.

When I was 11, I went to the hospital again. This time I threatened suicide. I don't remember it.

When I was 12, I went to the hospital yet again. Attempting suicide.

I didn't go to the hospital when I was 13, but things steadily got worse. During this whole time, I was being put on numerous different medications that would always mess with my brain to make me "act better." Usually, I would be taken off whatever medication it was rather quickly. I ran away from home a few times, and it wasn't without reason. My parents (mom and stepmom) constantly yelled at me, calling me worthless, a spoiled brat, etc etc..

I turned 14 a while back. I don't remember the order very well, but here are some events that have occurred:

- I was almost strangled by my mother
- When I told someone, they called DSS. Both parents lied about what happened and blamed my mental illnesses. They were in the clear. DSS did not listen to me and basically laughed in my face.
- I'm being told almost on the daily in many different forms that I'm worthless, good-for-nothing, an abusive person, mean, etc.
- I have been threatened with hospital visits, medication, death, etc.
- I have been taken to a psychiatrist whom does not listen to me and seems to solely exist to please my parents. They prescribed me something recently, I don't know what it is and I'm not going to take it. They want me on medication so I'm not a threat to them. (In terms of they could go to jail if I got someone to listen to me)
- My friends were going to organize a DSS call raid but their parents backed out and claimed I was mentally ill (because my parents said so).


Either way, no one believes me. I have given up on telling authorities as they believe my parents and my parents only. I'm on the brink of suicide here. But if I tell anyone that, I'll get sent to another hospital.

Well, yeah. That's my life right now. Oof. Help please.
   
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Re: What the heck do I do? - October 26th 2018, 08:06 PM

You don't deserve to be called worthless or getting nearly strangled by your mother. These things could be signs of abuse.

I'm also sorry to hear that you feel authorities and other people don't believe you. It sounds like you have had a difficult start to life- your alcoholic father assaulting your mother and you continuing to live with your father when your mother left and missing school must've been very difficult for you. Going into mental hospitals can also be traumatic.

Abuse and mental illness often go together. But having a mental illness doesn't make you bad. It just means you're struggling and it's understandable after what you have been through. Medication and hospital stays should never be a threat or viewed as a punishment. It should be there to help you when you need help.

Is there anyone else you can talk to? Teachers or a school counsellor? Your feelings should be listened to and taken seriously. You may also want to look into getting counselling. Counselling gives you a safe place to talk about your feelings and helps you to find ways of managing feelings as well.

Hang in there and remind yourself that you are worthy


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