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peachyswirl Offline
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What exactly happened to me? - December 20th 2018, 03:37 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

As title implies, this post is obviously quite triggering...

I feel still confused when I think about it, I don't know if I was raped multiple time or if it was just assault. What exactly was it?

When I was 13, I had a 14 year old boyfriend, the both of us were in the 8th grade...he was emotionally abusive, this is I know for sure.
He coerced me into sex multiple times, through guilt and manipulation. I believe that this was rape via coercion, but sometimes I feel unsure of it. He would always shame me afterwards too.

He would also hold me down to try to get his hands through my pants, and physically grab my hand and make it touch him over his shorts even though I didn't want to. He would pressure me into doing all kinds of nasty sex acts. I can't remember more specific examples, for some reason it's like my brain has thrown all the memories away. But he did more things like that.

And one day he wanted to give me oral sex but I said no, so a few minutes later he suddenly moved my skirt aside and started...orally stimulating me despite me saying no. I know for sure this is one is rape via oral penetration.

Does this all sound like rape/sexual assault? It all happened multiple times over the span of 8 months, the sex via coercion happened 3 times and the smaller things like touchings/holding down happened countless times.
I know some things definitely qualify as rape, but others are a little more grey. I've always wanted to ask a second opinion.
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Re: What exactly happened to me? - December 20th 2018, 12:14 PM

I think it sounds like he raped you. You said no the one time and he still did oral to you. Than he manipulated you into having sex multiple times using guilt. Holding you down is also using force on you. I think that is at least assault.

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Re: What exactly happened to me? - December 21st 2018, 12:50 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about what happened when you were 13. You went through a lot and you didn't deserve any of it.

When it comes to defining rape or sexual assault, it depends on whether you are looking for a legal definition or not as there can be slight differences. But really all that matters is that you feel validated.

Being coerced into sex through guilt and manipulation does count as rape. When you consent to sex, it's generally expected that you will show 'enthusiastic consent' that you really do want to take part in sexual activity. Any situation where you feel unsure or not really feeling up to sex, but you go through with it only because you are being guilt tripped or manipulated does count as rape as it wasn't consensual for you.

Holding you down, touching you or physically making you touch him without your consent is also sexual assault.

As for forced oral sex after you had said no, then I agree that is rape via oral penetration.

It makes sense that you feel your brain has thrown away the memories. What you went through sounds traumatic and your brain tried it's best to protect you from that and it may seem that you can't remember much of it.

Have you told anyone about what you went through? Or thought about having counselling? When something traumatic happens to us, it can have devastating affects and we may be left questioning ourselves and what happened. Talking to those we trust helps us to realise we don't have to bottle things up anymore, and having counselling helps you to explore your feelings in a safe place. You may also find it helpful to contact RAINN for more help and support on rape and assault.

Take care

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Re: What exactly happened to me? - December 23rd 2018, 08:57 PM

I think the above post said this perfectly.

I am so sorry this happened to you peachyswirl.
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