TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ashen Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Ashen's Avatar
 
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: Surrounded by my books

Posts: 96
Join Date: May 18th 2014

Leaving an abusive situation - February 24th 2019, 03:30 AM

So I need some help here.
My mom is moving out here with me (in michigan) and leaving my dad (back in pennsylvania). He's been emotionally abusive for years and has gotten worse since I left for school 3 1/2 years ago - he doesn't like anything of his being out of his control. Since my mom got a job out here and decided to move things have escalated.
When driving my mom to the airport - she was forced to fly from pa to mi and could only take a suitcase of clothes with her - he threatened not to let her come back (to pa) and get her stuff and told her "try not to get killed". He's been sending nasty texts and emails, telling her she should get an apartment, the job isn't going to last, she should stay at this one place that has rats, she should just live out of a hotel room for a year. Stuff like that and nastier.
The plan was (possibly still is) that she and I are flying back next weekend -there is no way i'm letting her go back alone, even if it means missing a few days of class and work - and are going to pack up what we can - stuff we can't replace - and drive it back to mi. He's saying she's not allowed to rent a car and threatening to take the car she has in mi. He also will have - in the two weeks he'll have been in the house alone - taken things and stashed them away.
She and I both have a lot of plants. I asked my friend to take care of a few of them for me but there's no way we'll be able to take all of them. He'll kill them. Purposefully or accidentally, most of them are dead.
Anyway, it's going to be nasty. Any suggestions of how to get her/our stuff and get everything/one out safely?
He's never been physically violent before - at least that I know of, and I'm starting to doubt that. The last summer I was home, he exploded in a rage over my mom and i donating a couple cans to a food drive and i was seriously scared he was going to hit me - after he was done yelling and had slammed out of my room i snuck out of the house and stayed with a friend until my mom got home. this is so much worse. and i just learned that my mom tried to leave him when i was a baby. he tried to kidnap me - he drove off with me and threatened to crash the car and kill the both of us.
Anyway, any suggestions of how to keep my mom safe and get what we need from the house?


I will write my weakness into strength.

-Aeralie Brighton, Unbroken


Because I am fire.
And I know what fire is.

-K.V. Johansen, Gods of Nabban


"I will try.
Each day.
That's all I promise."

"As long as you will.
No longer.
It is enough."

-K.V. Johansen, Gods of Nabban

   
Reply With Quote
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Melancholia. Offline
Devil Dez

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
Melancholia.'s Avatar
 
Name: Dez
Age: 22
Gender: They/them.
Location: Connecticut, USA

Posts: 19,044
Blog Entries: 138
Join Date: November 16th 2010

Re: Leaving an abusive situation - February 24th 2019, 08:20 PM

I first of all want to say that I am so sorry that you and your mom are going through this, but it's great you're helping your mom leave.


Do you think you'd be able to leave a ,mesage with the police to see if they'd be able to provide an escort with you? If you explained the stuation to them, it's possible that they'd escort you to the area so you and your mom can get in, pack up what you need, and get out, without having to worry about him veing verbally, or potentially physically, abusive to either one of you. I know you may not want to get the police involved, but both of your safety is of the utmost importance, and you deserve to have someone there in case things get out of hand.


I hope others come along with more suggestions, but I wanted to wish you both luck. <3 I know you can do it.


-Dez


Let it come and let it be...

  Send a message via Yahoo to Melancholia.  
Reply With Quote
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Latte Offline
Member
Junior TeenHelper
****
 
Latte's Avatar
 
Age: 26

Posts: 214
Join Date: June 27th 2018

Re: Leaving an abusive situation - February 25th 2019, 12:57 AM

I'm so sorry that you and your mom are going through that. I know a number of people who've had to deal with such violent partners (physically or emotionally) or been the child of it and I understand how awful it is, especially if it escalates upon a divorce or separation.

I agree with Dez that it might be worth it to contact the police and ask for an escort, if possible. If you don't feel like that is practical or they can't do that as a precaution, I would recommend asking a few friends of yours and your moms to help so that you guys can get your stuff and get out quickly and hopefully having witnesses will prevent him from doing anything stupid.

Additionally, I would recommend keeping all texts and emails he sends and possibly even recording what happens and taking videos or pictures if anything escalates so that if you have to contact the police you'll have evidence to possibly secure a restraining order - I assume you have 2 phones, yours and your moms, so I'd recommend that you have both and use your moms to record, and plan to use yours to call the police. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but I just think it is important to have evidence of his abuse if this gets out of control.

After your mom gets her stuff, I would recommend that she cut off contact and see a lawyer. I've seen this sort of shit go down before and, assuming she wants a divorce, abusive men don't tend to go down easily and she'll want legal representation.
   
Reply With Quote
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Freedom. Offline
Laughter. Faith. Hope.

Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Freedom.'s Avatar
 
Age: 26
Gender: Female

Posts: 5,358
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: October 9th 2009

Re: Leaving an abusive situation - February 27th 2019, 07:25 AM

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through.

I agree with Dez and Latte that the best thing to do is to have a police escort and to let them know the situation.

If you feel like you wish not to have a police escort, taking other family members, friends, neighbours, etc will be a good idea. Letting other people where you'll be and any contact numbers could also be helpful.

I hope I helped.


   
Reply With Quote
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Ashen Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Ashen's Avatar
 
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Location: Surrounded by my books

Posts: 96
Join Date: May 18th 2014

Re: Leaving an abusive situation - March 12th 2019, 12:00 AM

Thank you all for your replies.
We ended up meeting him in Ohio and getting the stuff he saw fit to give my mom. My mom and I didn't have a way to get back from PA to MI and he was insistent that she 'send him a list of stuff' and he'd bring it - or rather he'd bring whatever he felt like giving her.
We both have to go back to PA sometime, but still figuring out when exactly.
We don't have any family in/near PA. The closest is my uncle (my mom's older brother) who's in Wisconsin - which really isn't at all close.
My best friend lives a street over but I don't know if she'll be in PA when we go back.
Hoping it doesn't come to needing to get the police involved but I did add the local department to the top of my phone's contacts just in case.
As soon as things get a bit more settled at her job, my mom said she'll be taking advantage of the legal benefits - she's a government contractor - and will be working towards divorce.
Crossing fingers it works out.
Thank you again for all you guys' help.


I will write my weakness into strength.

-Aeralie Brighton, Unbroken


Because I am fire.
And I know what fire is.

-K.V. Johansen, Gods of Nabban


"I will try.
Each day.
That's all I promise."

"As long as you will.
No longer.
It is enough."

-K.V. Johansen, Gods of Nabban

   
Reply With Quote
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
~One Skittles Minion~

Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
Celyn's Avatar
 
Name: Holly
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Location: Wales

Posts: 5,311
Blog Entries: 147
Join Date: June 16th 2009

Re: Leaving an abusive situation - March 14th 2019, 09:44 PM

So sorry to hear how your dad has treated you and your mum. It's good that you have managed to get away and hope when things are settled, the divorce goes smoothly.

Does your dad know that you are living in Michigan? If not, I think it was good to meet in Ohio as I can imagine you not wanting him to find out where you'll be living.

Is your best friend aware of the situation with your dad? If so, you might want to try checking in with her to see if she'll be around in PA when you will be. Hopefully the police won't need to be involved, but it may help to bring someone along as hopefully your dad will be less likely to act out.

Hang in there and keep us updated if you want


HelpLINK and Live Help Officer
Feel free to PM me! Even if I canít help, Iím always going to listen <3
SKITTLIFY!

   
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
abusive, leaving, situation

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2018, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.