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Heathen Offline
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I miss them - March 19th 2019, 02:11 AM

A couple of weeks ago I joined a trauma IOP. It's really hard work but it's been amazing for my mental health. I'm still really struggling to let go and let myself FEEL my feelings about all that happened to me though. My abusers stole most of my young adulthood from me. I realize I was so busy being caught up with them (and being slow to recognize their abuse) that I never got a chance to fine out who I am. I am looking forward to discovering who that is.

The thing is, this stuff is making me miss my abusers. They were a big part of my life and I loved them with all I had. I know one of them I'll never hear from again but I am very tempted to unblock the other from social media and reach out to him. He still has a powerful hold over my mind and self-perception and I want to go back down that rabbit hole. How do I get past the feeling of missing them and not compromise the work I've done by reinitiating contact?

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Re: I miss them - March 19th 2019, 07:19 PM

I think what you need to ask yourself is this: what do you really hope to get out of it if you do reach out to one of your abusers? You say you want to go down the rabbit hole, back to potentially being abused. But you really don't want to be. So I would suggest thinking about that. If you do reach out and the same bad things start up agaim, you will be ruining all the efforts you made in the time since cutting off contact. It's not worth it and it will only serve to make yourself feel worse about yourself and your life.

Is there someone you can reach out to talk about this with and lean on for support? A friend, a partner, a family member, or a therapist? If you do have a therapist, I would definitely suggest talking with them about this. Maybe they can find ways to work with you and get to the bottom of feeling this way.

There is something else I want to say but not quite sure how to word it. I hope someone who has actually experienced your type of abuse comes along with better wording and provide the needed insight.

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Re: I miss them - March 20th 2019, 02:20 AM

Do you know what you would like to say if you initiate contact with him? Maybe instead of contacting him, you could write some things down as if you're talking to him so you still have the opportunity to get it out. You can bring what you write to therapy or find a creative way to destroy what you've written because that is also therapeutic sometimes.

How often do you use social media? Maybe you could consider decreasing the amount of time you're on it or stop using it altogether for a little bit while you work through the feelings you are having about contacting him.

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