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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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TH Anonymous Offline
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Question is this abuse? - July 29th 2019, 03:46 PM

[SIZE="a"]I had a guy friend we had been friends for two years ever since seventh grade. In December of ninth grade he asked me out. I said yes. I went over and had dinner with his family. We dated for about two and a half months before things went down hill. he would grab my butt whenever we hugged, he would always be making contact with me. He would put his hand on my inner thigh and move it up until he was practically touching my sex. He once put his arm around my neck when he came up from behind and groped me. He put his hand up the back of my shirt and tried to play with my bra straps, he would grab my arms, shoulders, and thighs hard enough to leave a bruise which I could easily conceal as I always wore long sleeves and jeans being anemic getting cold often. He would try and tell me what to wear, who to talk to, how to act, what to say. When I told him to stop or no about something he was doing he would say okay nod his head and ignore it. Is that abuse?[/size]
   
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Re: is this abuse? - July 29th 2019, 04:32 PM

Dear TeenHelper,
I qualify everything somebody does that you do not agree to as abuse. Since you mentioned that he touches you I assume you'd rather he didn't. Another thing you said - that he tells you what to wear/say or how to act - is a red light, as well as the fact he ignores your requests to stop.
It's often difficult to admit one is being abused, especially when it comes down to romantic relationships. However, the core of such a relationship is mutual respect and understanding. If you aren't feeling alright with what your partner does, you should communicate and explain it, but if he ignores it, there is a problem.

State clearly that you won't accept such a behaviour on his side. I don't know if you visit a psychologist regularly, but if you do, it might be a good idea to mention this - a therapist is sure to understand your situation better and provide advice.
Sometimes it's impossible for both sides to agree. If you do everything to solve the problem and still feel uncomfortable in your relationship, it doesn't make sense to continue it. Your wellbeing is of ultimate importance. However, I wish you all the best and hopefully you'll be able to find the best way to make yourself happy, whatever it would be. <3
xx Sue



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Re: is this abuse? - July 30th 2019, 11:37 AM

Sometimes when people are in relationships, they may not realise that it's good to ask consent and make sure the other person feels comfortable with regards to touching, especially in intimate areas. Sometimes this may be an accident and not realising, other times, they may feel entitled to touch you how they want. That said, it sounds like your partner disregarded your 'no' and 'stop' and continued anyway which can definitely be a sign of abuse.

It also seems like your boyfriend had a controlling streak with regards to telling you what to wear, who to talk to, how to act and what to say and this can also link in with being abusive. While some partners might encourage you to try different things, it shouldn't mean that you feel forced into complying or that it's only one way e.g. your partner consistently making you feel like you aren't good enough and you have to change to meet your partners expectations and in doing so, giving up everything that makes you 'you'. That is also abusive.

Are you still in a relationship with this person? If you are, it's good to set boundaries and let them know that you won't tolerate how they treat you and see if that changes anything and if not, then it's best to re-evaluate staying in the relationship.

If you aren't in a relationship anymore but are finding it difficult to move on from what happened, you might benefit from talking to someone such as a counsellor about it. We are always here for you too!


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