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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Sex after assault - October 24th 2019, 03:42 PM

I have been sexually assaulted multiple times in my life by multiple people. Some of it occurred over a long period of time, other times it was an isolated incident. All of them have contributed to my PTSD and dissociative episodes that come with it. It's something I find shameful and upsetting to feel and talk about.

In 2016 I was raped at a party. I truly lost myself for months after that happened. Gradually I was able to cope more but sometimes I still have trouble. I had this problem last night with a partner and it contributes to a bigger problem.

Sex is a huge part of my life. I love sex. After I got raped, my partner at the time and I would still have sex. I would dissociative and have a massive freak out every time after we finished, sometimes during, but I was determined not to lose that part of my life. I didn't want to give "him" that power. People told me to stop having sex until I could find a less triggering mental space but i refused to listen. As a result I worry I pushed that partner away from our intimacy. We are broken up and are good friends now; however, even though I've asked her if my fear is true and she says it isn't I worry she's lying. We never had sexual issues until my rape. It became a lot less frequent and she became less interested after that year.

Last night I was having sex with my new partner and in the middle I started seeing him, my rapist. I couldn't separate the two people. I started having a panic attack during sex, especially when the person finished. They didn't notice and I refused to let them because I wanted to have sex again later that night and I thought if they saw me anxious I may not get to have sex with them. I KNOW it's probably in my best interest to stop when these things happen, especially because I was seeing him as my rapist the rest of the night on and off, but I push myself anyway. I just don't want to lose sex. And now I'm worried I'll never get totally back to normal sexually post-rape.

How do you do this after assault? How do you navigate sexuality? How do you know when to stop a situation and when to say it's okay to keep going? And if you keep going when you shouldn't how do you stop from hating yourself and self-harm afterwards?



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Re: Sex after assault - October 29th 2019, 08:47 AM

Hey,

I don't know that I am the best person to respond to this but I've seen that you're waiting for a response and I wanted to try.

Sex after assault can be extremely difficult. I tend to struggle more with things after sex. After I've had sex I tend to freak out and feel dirty etc. To be honest I have not found anything to really help. I have talked to my therapist about it and she and I tried to process it. That helped a bit but I still struggle.

I think the thing that helps me the most is having a supportive partner. Being able to talk to them about it. Being able to say "Hey, this is how I am feeling'. He doesn't know how to help but being able to voice it and having someone support me and tell me that it is awful I have to deal with all that does help.


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