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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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nightmares - June 3rd 2009, 06:04 AM

Last December i was raped by someone i thought was my friend, someone i trusted. It was hell itself but i was doing better. I told a few people but not many what happened, and i never reported him. But what gets me is that now im having nightmares of that night. They are so real that i can feel him touching me, still smell him when i wake up. I dont know how to make them stop.

My friends that know dont seem to be that much help and two people whom i thought i could trust told me that it was my fault, and that i should have known what would have happened. And maybe they are right, but i dont know anymore. All i know is that these dreams are slowly killing me inside and i cant make them stop.

What do i do?
   
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Re: nightmares - June 3rd 2009, 07:34 AM

It was not your fault.
You need to fully acknowledge that what he did was wrong, anyone who does something to you, against your will, is wrong. I think you're having these dreams because you haven't reported him. You need closure, and the only way to have that is doing just that.

That's my opinion.

I hope everything works out for you.

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Re: nightmares - June 3rd 2009, 09:05 PM

Hey,

I'm so, so sorry you had to go through all of that but its obvious you're a strong person. But you do need to know, and feel that it is not your fault. No matter what your friends say or whoever says, this was NOT your fault. You didn't chose for this to happen and you never wanted it.

Nightmares are one of the worst ways to relive something traumatic. However, its common and normal for anyone that has feared there life in result of a certain event. In this case its rape.

Just because its common, doesn't mean its okay. You don't deserve to live through this. It can affect you as a person completely. Nightmares are a terrible thing. I have them too.

It helps if you write about them in a journal so that your mind empties those thoughts, it might sound hard or boring to do, and it might be boring while you write, or it might be hard to write, but once you finish you'll feel a load of relief for expressing your feelings.

Try to remember that its all over now and you're still getting through this. Try not to let him take away from you anymore than he may have. You're a strong person and you deserve a better life and a better night's sleep.

If these nightmares continue, you should deffinitley talk to a doctor who can refer you to a physchologist.

Stay strong, you're doing an amazing job,
-Christina


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Re: nightmares - June 6th 2009, 03:52 AM

Nea, I"m so sorry to hear what had happend to you. What was done to you was NOT YOUR FAULT--ok? The two ppl who said it was your fault were totally wrong & didn't know what they were talking a/b. Now PTSD is starting to set in & one of the symptoms is the terrible realistic nightmares that follow a sexual assualt or rape in which one can actually smell their attacker. Many a times when the dreams start coming, the person will try not to sleep b/c they're afraid that the dreams will come, so they end up w/insomnia. Dreams & flashbacks are a way of the mind telling us that its time that the subconscious wants to release the bad memories of the attack. This is when its time for you to seek out a counselor so you can talk out what happened to you. The more its discussed in counseling, the less the nightmares & flashbacks will be & you'll begin to get your life back again. Talking a/b what happened is very theraputic & you will feel less stress & burden a/b the incident. If you find that you have trouble sleeping, tell the counselor a/b it & they will see a/b getting you a dr to help you sleep. You did a very brave thing in posting a/b your attack & I can tell that you will get thru this b/c you are on the right track to start the healing process.


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Re: nightmares - June 8th 2009, 06:18 AM

Ive been seeing a counselor since February and I only got the courage to tell her last session. I told her about the nightmares and she told me that I needed to face what happened every night before I go to sleep and that it would help me face what happened, but it only made the dreams worse. I have another session this week and maybe she will help more than she has.

Thanks for reassuring me it wasnt my fault. I think that deep down i know that. What I'm having trouble with now is the touching. I have a lot of guy friends and sometimes its like i cant even let them hug me goodbye without freezing. And other times its like I have no problem with it.

I never reported him and it probably wouldn't have done any good had i reported him. He didnt seem to realize what he was doing was wrong. He raped me four times that night and he kept saying things like " i really care about you" and "dont you see how good we are together?" and then when he walked me to my car in the morning, he told me that he would miss me until my next visit and that he couldnt wait for me to officially be his gf. He seemed to really think it was all a game, that id wanted it.

i think thats what is so hard to wrap my mind around. That he didnt understand why i was crying at one point. and that he told me he was sorry if he hurt me when he smothered me with the pillow but he had to or else his dad would hear and wed be in trouble....

i just dont know what to do to get it out of my head. i bottled it up for months. and now its all coming back and im afraid its gonna swallow me whole.
   
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