Triggering: (Regret) I did animal cruelty I think.

[Hellohi]

(I'm not trying to encouraging anything I have regret for something!) Alright so this is the uncontested stupidest thing I've done in my life. It is because I did something I saw in a video game that said in the opening literally says *DO NOT DO ANYTHING IN THIS GAME IN REAL LIFE*. This is how it happened it wasn't recent but it's still bothering me: Last summer I was outside of my parent's house and I was fooling around in front of my mom and sibling acting like I was about to throw something hard at a wild rabbit that was sitting around in the yard. I didn't think I would actually hit it because the object was only say a bit smaller than a small matchbox and I didn't think it would hurt the rabbit if it did hit it. I had previously attempted to do this recently a few times and missed horribly every time. So suddenly when I was aiming, something suddenly came over me. "you have to make this shot. Focus.". So I threw, I swear I threw it pretty LIGHTLY but the rabbit immediately contorted in a terrifying way that that just killed my very soul. It suffered in an even more scary way I will not describe because of just how disgusting it was. Anyways I was a mix of amazed, terrified, surprised, and scared and shameful when everyone freaked out. Amazed at the fact it actually hit it because I thought it wouldn't. I quickly informed a friend who was a huge fan of this video game and he said "are you for real!?" in a supportive way. A went back to the rabbit with him to see it was still suffering badly and even though he was supporting me I ran off and cried for a long time and prayed to god. When my mom informed my dad later in the day I went to bed early before he came home from work so I could avoid the guilt because I hate sucking up to people a lot for some reason.
I was also embarrassed she told him I balled like a baby. The next day he didn't seem mad and he never did get mad but he was surprised in a neutral way, I guess and never talked about it. The rabbit suffered from noon until nightfall when an animal finally took it. My mom said after the rock hit "I had to fucking eat it now" but the thing was clearly covered in ticks and its fur was scraggly and I didn't want parasites. In the game your supposed to break its neck to kill it after stunning it, but that was the LAST thing on my mind through all the shock. So what should I do? Should I just forget about it with my lesson learned, even though no one punished me except for myself? Or am I worrying for nothing and wasting your time? I HOPE a friend NEVER finds out about how I "stoned a rabbit to death for fun", pretty much the only way that incident can be described! The law was never involved in any of this btw. You can guess the game if you wantt...

Sorry.

[Ennui.]

Hey,

It sounds like a lot happened.

What happened was definitely unfortunate and it is sad to hear that the rabbit suffered like this. I can't say that what you did was okay because it was cruel, but I can tell you are beating yourself up over this and have regret already. I know you wouldn't do it again but if you ever do find a rabbit or other animal that is suffering, you might be able to call a wildlife rehabber or animal control and they can come out and take the rabbit, either to help it if possible or humanely euthanize it if its suffering is too great.

I definitely would use this as a lesson learned. This wasn't recent so nobody is going to punish you now, so just take it as a learning experience. You now know that every life is valuable, even the lives of small animals like rabbits. You witnessed suffering and now know that this isn't something you'd want to inflict upon an animal ever again. It's something that will stick with you, but you don't have to punish yourself anymore for it.

If you think you're still easily influenced by video games I'd try to hold off on playing games that have violence such as this, just so you don't have the temptation to act on the things you saw on the game. You're young and I know those games can sometimes be a bad influence, especially if you want to impress others. But you could also have learned the lesson that not everything you see on a video game has to be imitated.

Try to find an outlet for how you're feeling. For example, you can write, do art, or play music that gets out some of the emotions you feel towards the rabbit. The outlet doesn't have to depict the rabbit violently. Instead you may be able to create something that honors the rabbit's life or honors animals in general.

I hope this helps!
Dez