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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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why?? - June 9th 2009, 03:37 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

last year i was in a really bad relationship that lead to me being abused and raped multiple times. i finally got away from the guy and knew i never wanted anything to do with him again....until now. i'v started seeing him again and just talking and hanging out but now i kinda think its becoming more. idk why im attracted to him again i know its just going to get me hurt. but i dont know what else to do. =[
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Re: why?? - June 9th 2009, 04:15 PM

Hey Sami-Kait.

It's good you were able to get away from him.. you don't deserve to have to be in that kind of relationship at all. You deserve so, so much better than him. You should be with a guy who treats you right, a guy who won't hurt you. It's not fair to you at all to be in that kind of relationship and you shouldn't have to deal with him hurting you like this.

Do you know why you want to see him, Sami-Kait? Why you want to be around him? Sometimes when someone we trust hurts us, we want to turn a blind eye to what happened, almost, because we don't want to believe they really hurt us. We want to believe they loved us and that they still do. I'm not saying this is definitely what's going on here but, do you think that might be part of the reason you're wanting to hang out with him now?

I'm not going to tell you not to see him but, I'm going to recommend you don't. It doesn't sound like it's safe to be around him at all and, you deserve to be safe. You need to make sure you're taking good care of yourself. If you are around him, at least try not to be alone. Make sure someone is with you at all times when you're near him, so he won't be able to hurt you.

I think, you need to decide whether it's worth it or not. Having a friend back but at what cost? At what cost to you? How will him being back in your life, affect you? If you know you're going to get hurt again, is being around him really what's best? Again, you need to make sure you're keeping yourself safe and doing what you want to do, what makes you happy. You shouldn't have to be around anyone you aren't comfortable being around. If you don't want to see him, you shouldn't have to.

I don't know if you ever reported what he did, Sami-Kait, and I'm not going to pressure you to report it if you haven't. Definitely do what you're comfortable doing. But, reporting it is something to think about. If you report it, it means he won't be able to hurt anyone else. You can be sure he won't hurt you anymore and you won't have to be around him. He can suffer the consequences of his actions, he won't be able to get away with what happened. Reporting abuse can be scary, yes, but it's worth it to. But again, don't do anything you aren't comfortable doing, yeah? Do what you feel is best.

I'm here if you ever want to talk about anything, ok? This isn't something you have to cope with on your own. Take good care of yourself and stay safe, hang in there. <3



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Re: why?? - June 9th 2009, 07:07 PM

i guess i just want to hang out with him cause hes fun to be around when were not alone..its just so weird to be around him with other people
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Re: why?? - June 16th 2009, 02:35 AM

Hey Sami-Kait,

I know how hard it must have been for you to be in a relationship like that and I am glad you are able to see that you don't deserve to be treated the way he has treated you. It is absolutely wrong for him, and anyone else, to abuse you the ways he has and you should not have anything to do with someone like that. You are so much better than him hunn, people like him are only after one thing. That's not what you need in you're life. You need someone who will care for you, who loves you, and who respects you. Now that doesn't sound like this guy to me.

I am not judging you in any way, I know a lot about how you feel because I myself was in a very similar situation. It was so hard for me to stay away from him even after he had raped me. But I'm going to tell you what I've learned two years later: I was vulnerable. I wanted somebody to care about me and he was so convincing. He made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. He made me feel wanted. When in reality, he was using me. I thought he loved me, but if he loved my he wouldn't hurt me in any way, let alone rape me. And that's what you need to understand. This guy, he is nothing but trouble and pain. If he really cared about you he wouldn't have hurt you in the first place. And secondly, if he really cared he would be so absolutely ashamed of what he did that he wouldn't say a word to you. Don't put yourself through that again because you know deep down that there are reasons behind why you are going back to him- and none of those reasons are that you need him.

You are a very strong person, and you know you deserve better than him. Don't let yourself believe that you don't deserve better- because you do. And there are better people out there, don't limit yourself to this asshole. I'd say stop talking to him. This will be hard but it is the only way to distance yourself again. If you continue talking to him you will only be tempted to get back with him. You've done it before, you can do it again. I promise, you can do this.

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