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Into_the_Fire Offline
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I don't understand, please help. - June 10th 2009, 07:40 PM

Ok, SO i've been a member for a while and it's taken me a little while to find the guts to post anything. Now i feel desperate and i don't know where else to turn.

Basically, i'm 19 and for the last 6 and a half years, i've been having sex with my father on a regular basis. In my head i thought he loved me and that meant there was nothing wrong with what we are doing and then on friday we were alone and he came into my room and i said 'no' to having sex with him and he went mad. He was livid and began to hit me and pulled me by my hair into a position so we could have sex. This has led me to believe that he hasn't been having sex with me because he loves me but because he's abusing his trust. Can i call this rape? I'm really confused and upset about this whole experience and just want to die now. It's like i've suddenly realised that i'm this hideous, repulsive person for having sex with my dad since i was 13 and i'm not sure what to do or where to turn.

Please Help.
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Re: I don't understand, please help. - June 10th 2009, 08:33 PM

Dear, please go to someone about this right away. What he's doing is abusing and using you. If you told him no and he took advantage of you anyway, then what he did was rape and he should be facing jail time for doing such an act.
You need to distance yourself from him as much as possible and stop letting him have sex with you.

As for you, you are neither hideous or repulsive for this. It isn't your fault that this happened, it is HIS. You thought it was okay and that he loved you, but what he really did was take advantage.
Please, tell someone and get help with this by professionals.
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Re: I don't understand, please help. - June 11th 2009, 04:52 PM

Hi there-
I'm so glad you found the guts to post. It can seem so scary and intimidating and I know that it took a lot of courage to post. What your father has been doing is NOT, under any circumstances, okay. There are no acceptable reasons or excuses for this. When parents are sexually abusing children, it is common for them to try to link it with love. The thing is--parents don't show their love for children by abusing them. He is absolutely abusing his trust.

Sex is something that can be about love. But it's about love when it's between two people who are in a romantic relationship. Not a parent and his child. Parents show their love in other ways. This is NOT okay. And it is not your fault. And you are not hideous.

Is there someone that you can think of to talk to? Another family member, someone at school, friend's parent, or other trusted adult? It's really important to reach out in real-life and talk to someone so that they can get you the proper help and support that you need, and make sure that you are kept safe at home. I know how scary that can seem. Try to remember that you deserve TRUE love and care, and that's not what you are receiving right now--and that's not your fault.

Again--please know that I really get how courageous you had to be to post this. Keep us posted on how things are going and don't hesitate to PM me anytime, okay? Take good care of yourself <3

"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

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Re: I don't understand, please help. - June 11th 2009, 08:13 PM

Yes. What he did would be rape. He has no right to do that to you, and you should report him. It may seem nerveracking, but please, find an adult that you can trust and talk to them. You don't deserve to be violated like that.

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Re: I don't understand, please help. - June 12th 2009, 02:53 AM

Hun I am so sorry this happened to you. Everyone that has posted so far is right. You should tell someone. I know that it sounds scary but what he did to you all those years is wrong. Especially if you were under the age of consent. Please please please tell someone. I know that it took you a while to post and this is anonymous, but it really will be for the best if you tell someone.

PM me anytime you need to talk. We are all here for you!
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Re: I don't understand, please help. - June 12th 2009, 04:40 AM

I am so sorry for what has happened to you. Your father is the hideous, repulsive monster, NOT you. He took advantage of you at a young age, when you couldn't have understood his true intentions. You are not to blame for any of this.

Get help and, most importantly, get out of your house. Now. He has already raped you once, and used violence to do so. I doubt he will stop at just one time. Find someone that you can trust and discuss your options with them. If you would like to press criminal charges against him, it is vital to go to the police ASAP with any and all evidence that you can gather. If you haven't bathed since the incident, you can go to a hospital and get a rape kit (if he didn't use protection). Otherwise, if you still have bruises from where he hit you, take pictures. At the very least, you should be able to get a restraining order against your father. I have no doubt that, if you wanted, you could take this to criminal court and have your father sent to jail for a very, very long time on multiple counts of sexual/child abuse.

I'm sorry, I didn't want my post to seem too intimidating. Again, it's your choice if you want to get the authorities involved, and how much you want to tell them about what has happened since you were 13 years old, but I would strongly suggest you at LEAST get out of the house and file a restraining order against him.

Finally, we are all here for you. Feel free to privately message any of us, or continue to post on this thread. We are here for you. <3
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Re: I don't understand, please help. - June 14th 2009, 06:00 AM


You are in no way to blame for this and you are not a hideous repulsive person. Like the others said, you father abused your trust for him. You were so very young when this started(13) and so you really did not understand what was going on.

You definitely need to get out of your house as soon as possible. Go to a friend's or something. If you don't have anywhere to go then go to the hospital or to a homeless shelter and tell them you need a safe place to stay. They will, most likely, be able to provide you with some kind of resources. Please do not stay in that house because it might only get worse.

If you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.

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