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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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xajponesx Offline
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Exclamation Like I Didn't Matter. - June 10th 2009, 10:17 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

When I was about 9 I was at a family gathering, it must have been for a holiday or something. I was playing with my cousins in the spare bedroom. Then one of my older cousin's friends came in. He had to of been at least 19. He told my other cousins to leave, but not me. He asked me if I wanted to "play a game" I shook my head no because, I had a feeling. A bad feeling. So I got up and tried to leave but he wouldn't let me. Next thing I know I'm on the bed and he's on top of me trying to take my pants off. I tried to scream but his hand was over my mouth. I just laid there terrified, as he took advantage of me. Mins felt like hours. When he started to take his pants off, I actually understood what he was trying to do. I kicked him as hard as I could (where it hurts) and flew out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. I just cried and cried. It was the worst night of my life. I didn't tell any one, I was too scared.

Its been about 7 years since it has happened. I now have to deal with major trust issues when it comes to men. There is only one guy I trust with all my being (he knows who he is).I realize what happened is over, but it was one of the most traumatic things that has ever happened to me. A few months ago I finally told my mom. I've never seen her so upset in my entire life. After I told her I called my father(my parents are divorced)...He did nothing. It was like I didn't matter. Like he could care less that his daughter had been molested in his old bedroom. My father and I have never gotten along but this was the icing on the cake. My father and I no longer speak.

That's my story. If you ever been in this kind of situation, I know how it feels. No one should EVER have to go through what I did. It is revolting, disgusting and immensely wrong to take advantage of anyone.

-Aj




-Aj



so turn right
into my arms
turn right
you won't be alone
you might
fall off this track sometimes
hope to see you on the finish line

Last edited by xajponesx; June 10th 2009 at 10:34 PM.
   
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Re: Like I Didn't Matter. - June 10th 2009, 10:38 PM

Well, in truth, how hard was that for you to write? Hard enough to the point where there's flashbacks? Hard enough to the point where you're shaking? Good people get bad things done to them, bad people get all the good things in life, usually. But in the end, good people are so much stronger, more knowledgeable, and full of wit, strength, beauty, and complexion. Let me say this, knowing you in person, you're everything in that category.

Perhaps you'll understand it one day, perhaps not. We all have our secrets that we hide, our skeletons, our ghosts, and slowly they come out one by one. It's a matter of letting them out and getting that pressure off of your chest. I'd imagine you feel better, at least a bit, about it, if you could at all.

I'll give other people the chance to put input, but I want you to know something, and I'll tell you someday, I've had similar experiences. I won't get into it with you very soon, but someday, or maybe never. Just remember, I know where you're coming from completely.

Best regards.



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Re: Like I Didn't Matter. - June 10th 2009, 10:55 PM

I've had a simular problem...sort of it was with my dads ex girlfriend son he thought he was being cute and as he called, "Fell over a sock" and touched me in places that are not safe and I've had other ill expeirences with guys. I dont' think the fear and the worry about not trusting guys ever leaves.


You can't live a positive life with a negative mind and if you have a positive outcome you have a positive income and just to have more positivity and just to kind of laugh it off. ~ Miley Cyrus




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Re: Like I Didn't Matter. - June 15th 2009, 02:14 AM

Hey,

I am so sorry you had to go through that. You know, you should be proud of yourself for finally being able to tell someone.

I am sorry about your dad's reaction to the issue. I know that must have been hard. Have you ever asked your dad why he doesn't care? It might be helpful because maybe he does care and he didn't know how to react or maybe your assumptions are correct.

Anyway, maybe you could write a letter to your dad and ask him why he didn't care and explain to him how that made you feel and then maybe you could mail it to him. It sounds to me like you have some issues with your dad so maybe getting them out will help you feel better.

I hope this helped a little bit and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.


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Re: Like I Didn't Matter. - June 15th 2009, 08:49 AM

I am so sorry this happened I cannot even begin to think of how traumatizing it must have been. How anyone could do that...It is good that you have told someone. I understand that you will find it hard trusting guys. Don't. Let them earn whatever trust you can give, and stay strong!

Qwazi


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Re: Like I Didn't Matter. - June 18th 2009, 01:05 PM

awww I'm so sorry this has to hurt but its good you finally told someone the best thing you can do is talk to people and let your feelings out I know it was hard for you to write this probably and eventually I think your feel better they say time heals all so hopefully their right. I promise things will get better and epsecially now that you talked to someone if you ever need to talk we are all here
   
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