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Dansefleur18 Offline
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So confused... - June 11th 2009, 01:09 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Background information: in February 2008, I began uni with none of my friends from high school and virtually nobody I knew from anywhere else (work, bus routes etc.). There was only one person, who I had support from as we had known each other previously through a mutual friend. We both befriended other people through various O-Week activities, but we still hung out together, me and him, plus another one of his friends. Things seemed to be alright at first, we'd have our arguments over our beliefs etc.
One day though, on the way home from uni (one of them gave me a lift), somehow the conversation turned to sex. He said to me "you shouldn't keep making a huge deal out of sex," in other words, "I shouldn't keep putting sex on a pedestal". I don't know why, but at the time, I agreed with him. He offered to help me out and help me lose my virginity...again, for some stupid reason I agreed. We tried, but it didn't happen...I freaked out too much and he couldn't penetrate all the way. After that though, the other friend of ours and him together, started to make me uncomfortable, throwing me into situations where I was very much out of my comfort zone, encouraging me to quit my job, move out of home, even at one stage switch bank accounts into a bank where one of them worked. A lot of our conversations turned into sexual related matters, and nearly every time I went out with them, it turned into something sexual in the end (usually a blowjob). The physical behaviour only occurred with one of them, not both. THe other was more psychological in a sense...every time I talked with him, it ended in either an argument, or a sexual topic. At one stage, I was also dragged into an adult store (me being underage at the time), albeit with much convincing, and not being able to leave until I bought something. (We ended up going into two stores). I was unaware at the time that we were going into a sex store until we were on the main road and near it. After that, I began seeing someone...another guy. He was only partially aware of what was going on, with the sexual events being kept secret. What made me feel sick though, was that I was still felt an expectation to give the others a blowjob in an effort to gain their respect. I had no transport at night, no other friends who actively encouraged going out at night, and was also having problems at home.

Eventually though, things just went further downhill, I began to see that I was neglecting my other uni friends and that anytime I attempted to bring up a problem I was having at home, I was subsequently shot down and told to go to my boyfriend. We fought online and that was the end of it. I blocked off all contact with them.

Just recently though, I went back to counselling and in our first meeting, the counsellor said it was sexual assault . Now I don't know what to believe, or how to feel. Most of the time, I blame myself for letting myself get involved in the first place and being unaware of it.

Eventually though, I wound up leaving
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Re: So confused... - June 12th 2009, 07:02 AM

It's hard to say, one way or the other, when we don't know the full story. It's great that you're finally seeing a counselor regarding all of this, though, because it sounds like there were things going on in your life before all of this sexual activity.

If you feel comfortable sharing with us, what was going on at home?

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Re: So confused... - June 12th 2009, 04:09 PM

I actually sort of agree with you counselor. They took advantage of your situation and made you feel like you had to do sexual favors in order to get a ride. Its a type of sexual assault that uses brainwashing to make you feel like you have to do these things. I know that it seems like your fault but there is nothing wrong with wanting to fit in. Im so glad that you are talking to someone about this. That you told someone. So many people dont tell thinking that its their fault but it ISNT your fault. They took advantage of you.

If you need to talk please feel free to PM me
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Re: So confused... - June 14th 2009, 02:48 AM

I agree with your counselor. They obviously knew that you were struggling with not having anyone you knew around so they took advantage of that. It is in no way yor fault either. You were having problems at home and maybe(can't put words in your mouth) having these people around, people you felt were your friends, helped you a little.

The thing you should be most proud of is the fact that you ended this activity. You obviously started realizing how damaging it was and you put a stop to it. You should be proud of yourself for that.

I hope this helped and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm or aim me.

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