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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Lil-x Offline
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Unhappy Abuse? - June 28th 2009, 10:34 AM

I've been through quite a bit recently, like with the miscarriage. I posted about that in childcare and really need some help on dealing with it. But...I think It's the stress of this that could have resulted in me losing my baby.

I was abroad and with this much older guy, I'm underage. But he had this large group of mates. One night I was walking back to my accommodation at about 11 o'clock and they followed me. When I reached the walls of the apartments they grabbed me from behind, 5 of them and pulled me down a side road. They kept touching me, grabbing at my breasts, putting their hands up my skirt, moving my underwear and trying to finger me. A couple got out their penises and attempted to physically force me to suck or touch them. I cried and shouted but nobody heard me. They forced me against a wall and tried to get my clothes off, but i shoved off the leading one and ran. I just ran, crying. They persued me for the rest of my holiday, leering and shouting at me across the street.

My most recent boyfriend who also lives abroad started forcing me into doing horrible, wrong things for him on webcam, as a 'favour'. I felt really uncomfortable but if I ever stood up to him, he threatened me and said I was a dirty B**** and everyone knew it so what was the problem. I told him about what had happened to me and he said I led them on and encouraged them because I was a dumb S***. When I threatened to end it, he got in their first dumping me. I don't know if he was recoring what I did or if anyone else was watching.

I've told nobody about this officially, I'm getting a counsellor, but they said that if someone is sexually abused they have to involve social services. I think it might help me to talk about it. But, is anyone in the same situation? I'm trying to grieve about the miscarriage but...this is in my head. Forever there, reminding me how dirty and disgusting I am. My skin felt like it was crawling. I feel like all of this is my fault?

Please help me. How can I forget? Is this sexual abuse?
   
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Re: Abuse? - June 28th 2009, 12:19 PM

hey there!
ok i culdnt even imagine what you went through.. how dare they... this is NOT ur fault!!! u gotta believe me when i say that! none of it is ur fault at all!! im glad that relationship is over cos he sounded like a complete pig! if he loved you he wouldn ask you to do any things like that! ur WAY better off without him, honestly!!
those group of guys ddi sexually abuse you, you should tell someone.. they deserve everything they get! i hope u'll be ok... PM me if you want!
everythin will turn ok good!! just please dont blame yourself!
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Re: Abuse? - June 29th 2009, 07:23 AM

Hey,

I am sorry that you are having to deal with all of this and I am also very sorry about the miscarriage.

This is not your fault. Neither of the situations are your fault both times you were used by very mean and cruel people. I would think that what happened was sexual assault(but I can not say for sure because I am not a police officer or anything)

I think that going to a counsellor would be a good idea. I don't know about the whole authority thing. I don't know how that works but if this is on your mind all the time talking may be the one way that you can really start to heal.

Maybe you could build trust with your counselor and go from there? Once you build trust with your counselor it might be easier to talk to him/her about what occured.

Hope things start getting better and if you need someone to tlak to feel free to pm me.


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Re: Abuse? - June 29th 2009, 03:20 PM

Hey sweet. What those boys (I'm extremely tentative to use the word "men") did was commit sexual assault. You didn't deserve that; no one does.

You should be proud of yourself for speaking up, even if it's only to us and a counselor.

I hope things work out for the best. I'll be wishing you well.


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Re: Abuse? - June 29th 2009, 03:59 PM

I feel like I should be handling this in an entirely different way. I just try and hide the way that I'm feeling and then get rid of my emotions in really bad ways. If it was sexual assualt, what should I do next? I don't think I'm worth them going to prison, or anything like that.

I mean obviously, I would do anything to stop those horrible men/boys doing what they did to me, to someone else. Nobody should have to go through what I went through. I am so emotional but I try and hide it and then it just builds up. I can't even bare anyone near me at the moment?

I feel disgusting how ever long it's been since it happened about a 2 months. I can't get these memories out of my head. I won't be ok, I just can't handle this. They disgust me, but it's happened now there isn't anything I can do to help myself. I never want to see them again!
   
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Re: Abuse? - June 29th 2009, 10:14 PM

Hey,

I am so incredibly sorry to hear what you've been through. What an awful ordeal. Here's the thing though: this was not your fault. Sexual assault and sexual abuse is NEVER, ever, under any circumstances, the victim's fault. It is easy to blame oneself but in the long run, blame does nothing except make you feel worse about yourself. And right now, with you dealing with so much, it's necessary for you to nurture yourself, not harm yourself even more. You know?

I'm glad to hear that you're going to talk with a counselor. I'm not sure about needing to involve social services but regardless of what happens, the important thing is that you're going to take care of yourself and talk with someone who can help you. Pressing charges is certainly an option, but it's just one thing to think about--you don't have to make any decisions right now, and that might be a good thing to talk with your counselor about.

You will be okay. It is going to take time, and it's not always going to be easy. You will always remember what you've been through, but the difference is that it will not always consume you. I PROMISE you that. In the meantime, keep reaching out for support. Talk with friends who might know, talk with your counselor, post on TH, PM me anytime, etc. It's great that you're recognizing that the way in which you're handling things might not be such great self-care. Hiding your feelings seems good in the moment, but like you're realizing, it just makes it even worse when the feelings boil over. So it's important to let them out in little ways, even though it's painful.

Take care of yourself, okay? Keep us posted and PM me anytime.
This was not your fault. And you are going to be okay. I promise.
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