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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cOurtneyx1110 Offline
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i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 12th 2009, 05:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

so about two months ago or so i started talking to this guy that i met in a chat site back in december. we had a fight back then around christmas when he asked me to be his girlfriend on christmas eve and i told him i wasn't really sure simply because of the fact that we had never met.

anyways, i guess him and the girl he was dating (after we stopped talking) broke up so we started talking again. he only lives about two hours away from me so on my school vacation we decided that he was going to come up and we could get a room together so we could finally met and hang out. i knew my mom wasn't okay with the idea so that is why we rented a room because he didn't want to dive all the way up here to just go home.

i had told him the day before that i was okay with doing what he wanted,but i was not ready for sex and he said he wouldn't pressure me into doing anything i didn't want. so he came up after my softball game on a saturday and we drove around and found a room. he pulled out some capt.morgan(which i knew he was bringing) and we started drinking, watched a movie, and made out some.

i was clearly not completely there and he could tell. i said something about a coworker of mine being hot and he got mad. no matter how much i apologized he refused to talk to me. then all of a sudden(i don't really remember anything before that) but we just started making out. thing start to get a little foggy after that but i remember him going to touch me "down there" and i tried so hard to pull then back. he's a lot stronger than me and he kept pulling me back saying it was okay so i didn't win . .long story short- i lost my virginity that night .

but i remember telling him to stop that i wasn't ready and he didn't even have a condom. but it happened anyways. i havn't really told anyone but i don't know if it was rape because even after i tried fighting him off i just gave up and went with it.

now he has a new girlfriend and hasn't talked to me since then,except when he decided to drunk text me on cinco de mayo for pictures of me. sadly,i still wish he would talk to me . . i feel worse about wanting him back than i do about what even happened -__- i don't know what to dooooo.
   
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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 12th 2009, 09:13 AM

Despite wether you were drunk or not if he didn't stop when you told him too because you didn't want to go any further which he should have, this is classed as rape if you didn't want it to happen and you felt forced. When you say you gave up did you just let him get on with it and do what he wanted to do? That would be rape.
And in any case I think you should try and talk to someone about it, it's very serious.

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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 12th 2009, 04:07 PM

Hey Courtney,

First of all, welcome to Teen Help. I'm glad you're willing to share this even though you're new. I'd also like to mention that what happened that night, wasn't your fault. If you put up a fight and told him that you didn't want to have sex, how quickly you gave up or the fact that you did at all, doesn't mean that he wasn't in the wrong. You have every right to say no and not have to fight someone out of your personal space. Whether you're sober or not, he was in the wrong for taking advantage of you. It could very easily be considered as rape, just because you gave up doesn't mean you weren't clearly showing that your answer was no. He should have stopped forcing you after you verbally said no.

As for contact with this boy, I don't think it's the safest thing for you. Do you really want to be in contact with someone who has and might continue treating you so badly? You're worth more than what he's giving you. I understand that we can't always control who we fall for, but you should think of your safety first. He doesn't sound like he's respectful of you or girls in general. You should avoid him and start getting over him. As for what happened involving the sex, I think you should tell your mom? I know it's scary and it's embarrassing and it might hurt, but it will hurt even more if this becomes an issue in the future and no one knows to help you. Keeping these things inside might only cause difficulties in coping with them in the future. I wouldn't let him get away with this because you deserved to be treated with respect and decency. You are worth more than what he gave you, and it isn't fair for you. Either way, whether you turn him in or not, I suggest telling someone and coming out in the open. It might help you cope. Do what you can and not before you're ready. If you need anyone to talk to about this or anything, I'm only a private message away. I'm more than willing to help where I can. Take your time and take care of yourself first of all. You're not alone. We're all supporting you. :]

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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 14th 2009, 05:36 AM

i've told my counclor about what happened,i just didn't tell her how i said no . i don't want to get him in trouble because i'm under 18 & he's not . i'm just afraid that if i tell my mom she'll lose all trust in me because i lied about where i was really going and what i was really doing and i don't want to lose that trust with her .
   
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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 14th 2009, 08:26 AM

This is definitely rape, especially if you were drunk. an its okay to be confused, what with wanting him back and everything. The best advice I can give you is to talk to someone, or if you really want to, press charges. youre nuder 18, how old are you? because with my counselor, tehres a "REACH" program, and if youre 16 or older, they dnot have to tell youre parents, so you could always do that. Hope this helped, and feel free to PM me anytime! Take care!
   
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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 14th 2009, 12:57 PM

Well, in my opinion, sence you told him to stop and he didn't, I think it's considered rape. You should look into the program Trixie was telling you about




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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 14th 2009, 06:23 PM

yeh,i'm 17 & he's 20 . i don't think that it's an issue cause i'm over 16? i don't know . i've been thinkinh about telling my mom but i'm just so scared . i know she'll lose all her trust for me and i like that she trusts me as much as she does . i couldn't press charges on him . all i have is his name & the town he lives in . he changed his phone number cause his phone broke and never gave me the number and i don't have his address .
   
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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 15th 2009, 10:30 PM

talk to sum1 ...preferabley a cop
   
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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 16th 2009, 04:05 AM

it was rape because you said no what he did was wrong and you need to tell someone close to you. you have to be really careful with who you chat to online and never met up with them unless your in a public place . you did nothing wrong he did and he should pay you have to tell someone .
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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 17th 2009, 05:43 AM

there's not much that can happen if i tell a cop . .i was drunk,i agreed to meet up,& i eventually gave in . it's been like 2 months & there's not physical signs of rape so that would get me nowhere . .i indirectly told my 2 bestfriends yesterday & nothing happened . i can't tell my mom . she puts a lot of trust in my & if i tell her i know that she'll never trust me & i'm glad that she can rust me . i don't want to ruin that .


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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 17th 2009, 06:38 PM

you need to tell your mom, even if she loses her trust in you, you need her there to help you through this. the police can find the guy who did this to you and make sure that you never have to see him again. he raped you, and you deserve better than that.
   
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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 17th 2009, 10:03 PM

but there's nothing there to prove it except the fact that i said no . . if i tell,then i knowwww he'll never speak to me ever . i figured maybe if i wait it out,he'll come around & talk to me again .


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Re: i don't know what to do =/ (i'm not too sure how triggering this may be) - July 20th 2009, 09:13 AM

Hey there,

I am so sorry that this happened but please know that it will be okay.

The fact that you said no means that it was not consensual and I want you to know that it was not your fault. You were drinking but that doesn't matter. This guy should have respected you.

I think talking to someone would really help. I know there are programs out there for people who have been raped and maybe you could look for one. If you have a rape center in your town maybe you could go in there and talk to them and get some information; I know that they offer counseling services.

Also, talking to your mom about it would be a good idea but you have to be ready to do that. Rushing into telling her will not help the situation so if you don't feel like you can tell her try not to worry about it. Right now you need to focus on yourself.

Please hang in there and if you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

`~Jenna~


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