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kimvia Offline
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July 16th 2009, 02:06 AM

So, this stuff isn't any where near as big a deal as any of the other threads, but I guess this fits here in principal.

My dad yells, and throws stuff. He's never hit me or my sister or my mom (so far as I know), but we never know when he'll pop off. He will do it in public every now and then... He once started fighting with this guy when we were on vacation at disney world because a guy cut in line... Security had to pull them apart. He threw a vacuum across the room in front of my friend. A week ago, we were driving and someone cut him off and he started yelling and floored it for a while and was really reckless. Yesterday he started yelling when he and I were talking about politics. An hour ago, he was cooking dinner (tetrazini tuna helper) and I walked in to help and he was sliceing green olives to put in, I mentioned that I wasn't sure if that would go together well, he told me to trust him and he kept slicing them. I asked him if he could just add them to his portion later, and he said no it wouldn't taste as good then, and i said but it won't taste good to me at all if he went ahead and added the olives, then he yelled the he'd just give the olives to the dog then, and then he threw the olives at the dogs. I just left the room then because I didn't want to fuck with it. A few minutes alter, he's all cheery again and tells me that dinner is ready. I go get my bowl and take a bite and apperently he dumped a bunch of red pepper in after he threw the olives so that i wouldnt like it any way. I knew he could be a real jerk, but that is just SO immature.

He also tells me that i'm worthless every few months and that it is all my fault every now and then too.

What should i say or do when he flips out or tells me that stuff? I hate it. Our relationship is ruined, for years I've been trying to find a good way to not let him walk me down the isle when I get married.
-
I know that this really isn't a big deal, but i need to know what to say and do when he does stuff like this... I'm tired of just bursting into tears and running away.



PM me any time, ok? I'm always here to help.



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Last edited by SimplyComplex; July 16th 2009 at 06:31 PM. Reason: Please try not to bump your thread, we will get to you :]
   
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Re: How to react? - July 16th 2009, 06:30 PM

Hey

I'm coming from something of the same - though my father doesn't do anything like throwing things around when he gets mad his rage is enough to terrify me - heck, he made my mother cry just yesterday - so I think I know where you're coming from.

From what you wrote it seems like he just suddenly snaps for little things - does this go when he's in a good mood as well? If not you should try to talk to him when he is, and say what you're feeling.

Or, something that works periodically for me, sit him down and say that you want to talk to him and that he can say what he wants when you're done but that he can't interrupt you, and then tell him.

You need to try and get through to him somehow, but I know that it's hard when nothing seems to work.

As for when he tells you that kind of thing - walk away, and if you can talk to someone like a good friend to pick you back up.
And don't believe him for a second, you are NOT worthless.

It doesn't seem like it's a big deal compared to a whole lot of other peoples problems when you see what they've gone through compared, I know - I'm think the same for my part - but I also know that it gets unbearable in the long run. It's harder than it seems living with it - just stay strong, ok.

Pm me if you want talk, ok?


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Re: How to react? - July 16th 2009, 07:31 PM

Kim,

First, don't compare your problem to anyone else's. What you're dealing with is a problem, nonetheless and it deserves the same attention. You deserve to be treated better and I'm sorry this isn't exactly the best environment for you. Everyone has their stress barrier to which they can cope with. It's okay to feel hurt and need some advice. :] Your problem is just as important as anyone else's.

Anyway, I would say your dad has a short fuse. Have you ever considered talking to him about it? Maybe not face to face, but sending him a note could help bring this to his attention? In the note you could mention how you and the rest of the family feel when he reacts like this. In my opinion, he isn't realizing that his actions are harming anyone and it could be beneficial to you both if you bring this to his attention.

For now though, walking away was a good idea. Don't try and get into a tussle with him, that will only make his reaction worse and it could put you into a situation you're even more uncomfortable with. Try to voice your opinion, without threats or yelling. You are an adult and you do have a valuable opinion. It isn't inferior to your fathers. He is wrong in telling you you're worthless and this isn't your fault. It takes two people to make and break a relationship. Sometimes, people are blind to their own faults unfortunately. Try to keep your composure and remember that it isn't your fault. Even if you can't keep composure all the time, always remember that this isn't your fault and that you deserve respect. He should also be willing to give it.

If you need anything at all, let me know okay? You aren't alone and you can do this. I know it's hard to think that right now, but things will pass and this can get better. You just need to speak up sometimes. Take your time and stay safe.

Have hope,
-Melissa


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