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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
arepo Offline
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Unhappy How was your night? Mine was just great. - July 19th 2009, 09:43 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

What's the point in taking medication if it doesn't work?
Well it does work, but not when it really needs to.
Like when I'm having a flashback of when I was raped, like tonight.
I don't think I should go into detail with it because it's something that still makes me cry like a child and it's just disgusting.

And my friends are no help at all. They know about the rape occuring in the woods by the traintracks, but they still made me go with them.
All they wanted to do was smoke and they know that I don't smoke anymore.
So what was the point of me going?
I tried to say no, but they just wouldn't stop. By the time we even got there I was crying and shaking.
At one point I remember I did pass out, for how long, I have not a clue.
Then when I wake up, I find one of them trying to take my pants off.
I learned the hard way not to kick guys when I know they have knives and my shorts are almost all the way off.
I don't even want to type what I said, it has so much profanity in it.
So, I literally get home in 3 minutes by running. It would usually take 10 just to walk at a normal speed.

My flashbacks just got worse when I got home, even though I knew I was safe with everything locked.
I'd tell you all about the flashbacks, but they are extremely triggering and even my therapist cried when I told her about it.

It's sad, I'm still crying. I'm avoiding my kitchen as much as possible.
Even though I threw the thing with the knives in it outside, there's still more in the drawers.

I'm sorry this is long. >_>


Edit: Actually their "reason" for me to go was because I roll good ones. I still don't know why I was stupid enough to give in. Just fucking stupid.


“There is nothing beautiful about the wreckage of a human being.
There is nothing pretty about damage, about pain, about heartache.
What is beautiful is their strength, their resilience, their fortitude
as they display an ocean of courage when they pick through the
wreckage of their life to build something beautiful brand new,
against every odd that is stacked against them.” — Nikita Gill

Last edited by arepo; July 19th 2009 at 10:07 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How was your night? Mine was just great. - July 19th 2009, 02:42 PM

Hey

Im really sorry to hear about this, makes me very sad. Whenever i take medication i believe its all in the head. you have to believe in it for it to work. I dont think there very good friends if they would do that to you, Its just not fair and they need to realise that.

Just dont give up, keep taking the medication and maybe it will get better, all anyone can do is just try, dont let this world beat you, your alot better then that
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Re: How was your night? Mine was just great. - July 19th 2009, 09:41 PM

Hey there. You have no reason to apologise, we are here to help and you can write as much as you need.

Reading this, I felt really compelled to reply. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. I know what it's like for the medication to not work when it is most needed. I can feel the pain in your words and I wish so much that there was something I could do, but the only person who can help you is you. What you're friends did was sick. They should not even have asked you to go back there, let alone force you to do so. And what that guy(s) did while you were passed out was WRONG. Please stay away from him. I think it would be best to stay away from all of them, but I know that is easier said than done.

I know you feel like shit, and I know a lot of the time you probably have a hard time going day to day because you don't have any desire to live because of the things that have happened to you and how hard it is to handle everything that is going on. Rape is a terrible tragedy. In my opinion it is the worst kind of pain you can feel. But you have to realise that there is hope. There is a chance to get through this, and get out happy to be alive. To get there though, takes time and a lot of effort.

I'd say start by talking to someone about the medication. See if there is anything else you can do. Talk to someone about how hard it is for you with all the flashbacks. Find something you can do when you are having a flashback. Find something comforting or something that can just help you remember that that was the past and it is over. Stop hanging out with you're friends that are harming you because in the end they are only making you feel worse and you don't need or deserve that. And lastly, don't let what some fucked up person(s) did to you in the past ruin you're future. They don't deserve to have that kind of power over you. You are a strong girl, you've gotten through so much. Now you just have to continue holding on because things will get better. If you ever want to talk please don't hesitate to PM me; I will always be here for you.


Originally joined: June 2008


" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
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Re: How was your night? Mine was just great. - July 20th 2009, 08:19 AM

Hey there,

I am so sorry you had to go through all of this but please hang in there because it will be okay.

I am sorry that your friends weren't understanding/respectful of you and your reasons behind not wanting to go where you went but the truth is sometimes people really don't understand things like that. But you can get through this.

I don't know if you know this but flashbacks do have tendencies to get more intense if you are put into a very stressful situation(or so I have heard and noticed). The best thing I can suggest is for right now try to stay away from the woods because that will probably really trigger your flashbacks.

Also that someone who was trying to take your pants off had no right and you did not deserve that.

The last thing I want to say is keep talking to your therapist because that can really help; tell her everything that happened and explain to her the outcome of it. She needs to know and from how you described her she sounds like a pretty great lady. Please keep talking because it really is a good way to heal.

Please hang in there and keep on taking your medicine and if you ever want to talk feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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Re: How was your night? Mine was just great. - July 20th 2009, 07:33 PM

Hey,

I'm sorry you ever had to live through something like this. I'm even more sorry you had to re-live it. I can understand how scared you must have been. I'd just like to say that it's okay you can't go into detail. It's okay to cry and be hurt by the past and present. Everyone hurts, everyone cries and it's a healthy thing to let yourself express the hurt sometimes. You might not be ready yet, but someday this might get a little easier. Someday, if you keep trying, you might be able to share or cope a little better. All hope isn't lost, and there is still so much more time to use to help you heal.

To me, your friends don't seem like they're very considerate of you and your feelings. That's unfortunate and you don't need to put up with them. You should be respected and your wishes. Next time, if you feel they're making you do something you simply can't, I really suggest you don't go. You might even want to branch out, away from the ones that you're speaking about in this thread. I know it's hard to leave people behind, but you don't have to go completely. Just distance yourself a little bit and find people that do respect you. Let your friends know how much that hurt and how hard this is for you. Those people, they weren't friends and if you can, don't see them anymore.

If you do anything, I agree with Jenna. Keep talking to people and your counselor. Vent, scream, yell, get out all the bad feelings without harming yourself. You deserve to feel safe and deserve the time of day for people to help you and listen. What happened was wrong and it's horrible you have to now cope with it. Remember that this isn't your fault and don't blame yourself. It's not your fault for trusting people you thought were your friends. It's not your fault at all. Try not to force yourself to talk about things in anymore detail than you can. Try not to blame yourself and make yourself feel bad. Just work on getting better and coping in a healthy way. You can do this, we're all behind you. If you need anything at all - let me know.

Have hope,
-Melissa


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