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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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unfair - July 19th 2009, 03:52 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

i got raped a month ago while in town partying. found out this morning that im pregnant so told my parents everything. got slapped and told its my fault and to deal with it but not to worry them about it.
where can i turn to from here as now in complete despair.
help please.
   
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Re: unfair - July 19th 2009, 04:53 PM

if you got raped, then it's not your fault. it's not right that your parents blame you for this. but whether they support you or not, there is a baby and some decisions to be made. are you going to get an abortion or are you going to keep the baby full term? will you put it up for adoption, or keep it yourself? these will be the most important decisions of your life. tell your parents that even if they think it's your fault, you need them there to help you with this and help you decide what you're going to do. PM me anytime!
   
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Re: unfair - July 19th 2009, 09:51 PM

First of all, I'm so sorry you have had to go through this.

Your parents are wrong. This is in no way your fault. Rape is never the vitims fault, no matter the circumstances. Have you reported this? If you know the person who did this to you or can give any details i'd strongly suggest telling the police. They should not get away with this. As for the pregnacy, is there any other family member you can talk to? Or close friend? You could see a therapist and talk over the situation. They are proffesionals and could really help you through this. In the end, what you do is you're decision but you shouldn't be alone in this process. I can't imagine how hard this is for you and I truely am so sorry. Try talking to your parents again, if you are up to it. If that doesn't work then don't let them get to you. Don't let them make you believe this is your fault. You didn't ask for this to happen and you didn't deserve it in any way.

Hang in there hunn,
PM me anytime if you need to talk.


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" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
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Re: unfair - July 20th 2009, 08:05 AM

Hello,

I am so sorry that you had to suffer through that; please hang in there because everything will work out.

I want you to know that none of this was your faults and your parents saying it was was wrong and you didn't deserve that at all. Sometimes parents can be difficult and can be non-understanding. Another thing I was thinking was do you think talking to them one more time would help the situation? Maybe they overreacted and treated you this way because they didn't know what else to do? If you talked to them one more time maybe you would get a better side of them?

I don't think you should talk to them if you think it will upset you too much but sometimes(I know it sucks) we have to talk to people more than once about what is/has happened.

Please hang in there and if you ever want to talk please feel free to pm me.

~Jenna~


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Re: unfair - July 20th 2009, 10:33 AM

thanks for the advice. anyway, went and tried talking to mum again, im now kicked out as a result. just fed up with both parents as since im the main carer in the house for my brother, who is special needs, i have been told to take him with me. ther is no way i could even think of getting rid of it, but i dont know what else to do.
   
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Re: unfair - July 20th 2009, 10:34 AM

still feels like its my fault. im going through all the what if? scenarios. what if i hadnt gone out, what if i hadnt walked to my car alone.....
   
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Re: unfair - July 20th 2009, 07:14 PM

I'm so terribly sorry. It is not right for your parents to do that to you and make you care for your brother at the same time. Is there anyone else you can go to for help? I really wouldn't suggest trying to do this all on your own.

As for the blame you are putting on yourself, that is normal. It's been two years since I was raped and I still have a hard time realising it wasn't my fault. I would ask myself the same things: what if I had never started talking to him, what if I never went to see him, what if I had just yelled for help. But you have to remember that if you didn't want it then it was rape, and rape is a crime. There are always going to be the 'what ifs' but no matter what you did, he had no right to hurt you. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were, you could be parading the town naked for all that it matters and it will still be his fault. That is a rather extreme example but I hope you're getting what I'm trying to say here. What he did was wrong, it was illegal, and it was sick. He had no right to do anything that you weren't consenting to. Don't blame yourself for the actions of another; you did nothing wrong and you did nothing to deserve what he did.


Originally joined: June 2008


" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
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Re: unfair - July 21st 2009, 12:42 AM

I know in my heart it wasnt my fault, but i feel like im getting the blame pushed on me from every side. parents, the guys who did it, even the cops since i cant continue on with charges right now. so fed up with it all.
   
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Re: unfair - July 21st 2009, 10:40 PM

I really do know how you feel and I know how hard it is to acually let yourself believe that you aren't at fault, especially when everyone else is telling you the opposite. It will take time, but I promise in time you will be able to see that you honestly had no fault in the matter. It's tough; It's a lot easier to blame yourself and most people do do that, but once you fully can understand then you will feel a lot better. You are a very strong person and you can get through this, you just have to keep hanging in there and fighting. Don't give up hope yet because there is still so much left out there, you just have to hang in there until you can find it.


Originally joined: June 2008


" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
   
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