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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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SnowKitten Offline
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My good friend, - August 7th 2009, 02:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have changed names to protect identities, since I have real life friends on this site.

I have a really good friend, lets call her *Samantha*, who got raped a couple weeks ago. She has told her whole family, and some of her friends, but she is scared to tell the police. The man who did it has been stalking her ever since, and has created false 'myyearbook' and 'facebook' profiles in order to tell her that he is going to do it again, and that the next time will be w/o protection, through the 'front door' instead of the 'back' like last time...
His reason is that it will be the only time she will ever have sex, and he didn't want her to die a virgin. I told her she needs to go to the police and get a report and composite sketch drawn of the man. (She knows what he looks like)
She refuses to tell te police, and while I understand that it is hard to report the vile scum that did this to her to complete strangers, I feel it is urgent to report it before it happens again. He knows where she lives, what school she goes to, everything. I'm scared he wil follow her to my other good friends house, and him end up raping her or me as well.
This in turn, is causing me to be terrified to go near her, and she really needs me. Can anyone post anything that can help us? We are scared out of our minds. I'm so scared that when anyone walks in a room, I go into 'Fight or Flight' mode.




Click my eggs and help my dragons grow! :3

Last edited by SnowKitten; August 7th 2009 at 09:43 PM.
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Re: My good friend, - August 7th 2009, 02:45 AM

hi Carey,

listen, i know situations like this can be hard, but the police really need to know or else you, Samantha, and all her friends will be at risk. go to your friend and tell her that if she doesn't go to the police herself, you'll go for her. tell her she can either come with you, or you'll go alone. the police need to know so they can put this guy behind bars.

this can be very traumatic, and i would recomend that if your friend won't get therapy, then you really need to be there for her that much more. i know it can be very scary to deal with things like this, but Samantha really needs a good friend right now. and even though she might be mad when you go to the police, you need to know that this will help your friend so much, even if it means losing her friendship.

so please, do the right thing and tell the police, it will probably be the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but it needs to be done. PM anytime you want to talk.

~SuburbanTiger7
   
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Re: My good friend, - August 7th 2009, 04:18 PM

hey hun... i know your friend is very scared and more scared than you can ever imagine... and it'll take her a lot of courage than you know for her to step out and testify against this horrible guy. keep encouraging her to go to the police and tell her that what happened was not her fault. it's entirely the fault of that guy. he has no right over her life, and that you'll be there to support her should she break down when she tells the police. she probably feels terrible about herself and you've to understand that. for your safety, for hers, do try to report it and place this guy behind bars!!
if she still doesn't want to go, maybe you can tell the police all you know about this guy and maybe they can work something out without the composite picture?
good luck and stay safe!



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the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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Re: My good friend, - August 7th 2009, 09:43 PM

I don't know anything about him. All I know is what happens, an every time I try to coax any info from her (I know nothing except that he did it, and hat he threatens to do it again.) to tell the police, the poor girl breaks down in tears.




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Re: My good friend, - August 8th 2009, 02:05 AM

Hey there,

I am so sorry that this happened to your friend. I am also glad that you are trying to be there for support.

I think telling the police is important as well but I realize how hard it can be. I was wondering if you could try and get your friend to talk to a rape counselor( look into finding a local rape center) although this is not as good as going to the police your friend might feel more comfortable going there and they might be able to help her in telling the police. It always helps to have a lot of support and if she goes to a rape center she might find people who have gone through the same things which really could help.

I don't know if going to the police on your own would do any good because they would need to talk to your friend (most likely) and if she clammed up they wouldn't get much information which would lead to anything.

You said that she has told her family so do you think that they could work on trying to get her to speak out?

In the end, as much as it sucks, you might just have to give your friend time to heal and time to feel comfortable with going to the police.

If you feel uncomfortable being around her maybe you could limit your visits and try to talk to her on the phone or through instant message. I know this isn't the best answer but you need to think about your safety and you can't force notifying the police on your friend.

Best of luck.

~Jenna~


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