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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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HarmonicToxin Offline
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Unhappy Stupid Decisions/Choices = Regrets and Pain - August 8th 2009, 07:20 AM

I just need to get some things off my chest, and maybe get some advice as to how to handle this...it's been about a year now, but...it still hurts a lot.

Our band took a trip, and this happened as we were returning, driving home from the airport in tour buses. I liked this guy. He was the poetic, introverted type, but he was hilarious around other people. Now, I haven't had the best home life. i've been put down and screamed at since I was little, so I guess I gravitate toward abusive relationships. Anyway, I wanted to date this guy. At the time, I was a Sophomore, and he was a Senior in high school. We were riding home in a dark tour bus, and things went really fast from there. We started kissing, and that was fine. Then, he put my hand down his pants. Down his underwear. You get the picture. Then, he put his hand in my pants/underwear, etc. Yes, he went there.
He was bigger than me, and I was afraid that if I resisted, he would hurt me. He hadn't threatened me, but in the time I had known him before this, I had seen a dark side of him that scared me to bits.
I didn't fight back. Finally, the bus ride ended, and we went home.
A couple months later, I got the courage to talk the incident over with my mom. She had the "bright idea" to go talk with my school's social worker about it. By law, she was required to go to CPS. Then, I got to relive it all over again for the CPS Caseworker who came to hear my story. I thought it was over after that. Oh, no. Then, the caseworker talked with my mom. Apparently, me telling the caseworker that we had been kissing made him putting my hand in his pants (and holding it there) and his hand in mine (yes, fingering me ) made it CONSENSUAL!

I never did and never will understand how that was consensual. That STUPID caseworker caused my mom to believe that what happened was CONSENSUAL, so that was another thing that we got to fight about forever. It is just me and my mom at home. My mom is Bipolar and Manic Depressive, so I have a GREAT home life. All family on my mom's side ignore us, and my birthfather...well...they never got married. My birthfather has never been in my life, nor do I want him to be.

So yeah, that's my...rant for the night.
   
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Re: Stupid Decisions/Choices = Regrets and Pain - August 9th 2009, 07:33 PM

Hey,

I know getting other people involved in situations like these is very difficult. Especially when no one else seems to understand anything about you or what happened that night. To be honest, not everyone will understand. It takes someone who has lived through something like this to comprehend how you feel. So don't get too offended by people who don't understand.

Just because you weren't screaming and kicking and yelling, doesn't mean you wanted any of this to happen to you. I think you know that. And in the end of all this, what you know and how people interpret what happened are two different things. Your opinion of the events are much more accurate than anything anyone can conclude. You were scared and when we're scared it's natural to be more quiet and become more introverted. Which would cause you not to cause a huge scene when this boy came on to you. Don't let other people make you feel bad for this because only you know the truth.

Healing from this is the most important thing right now. There are many ways to do that and it doesn't have to deal with getting this boy in trouble at all or forgiving him. Some people say forgiveness is key, but that is only for the specific person. If you can't forgive him, then don't. You can heal without it and in your own time. Don't think that there is a specific way to handle any of this. One thing I don't recommend is holding this in. It is proven that holding these things in only provokes a harder future in coping with them. So rant and yell when you need to. Don't be afraid to come on here and ask for help. If you need anyone, I'm only a PM away. Take care of yourself.

Have hope,
-Melissa


01 // 10 // 11

Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
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soul Offline
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Re: Stupid Decisions/Choices = Regrets and Pain - August 10th 2009, 12:21 PM

Hey there (:

After such a terrible experiencing hoping up to someone you trusted I'm so proud of you for finding it in yourself to trust us enough to share your story here. Sexual assault is one of the hardest things to go through and then live with. When people in our lives don't support us or believe us it makes it doubly hard. In the end, you know the truth and that's what matters. You might want to try to explain to your mom one last time your side of things. If she still doesn't come around it isn't the end of the world. There are people out there who will support you. I hope you're even able to find a few friends here on Teen Help that can help get you through this. An option you might want to look into is talking to someone from RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) either on their telephone or online hotline. Here is their website and number:

http://www.rainn.org/
1-800-656-HOPE

Having someone to talk to is important. Even though not everyone is understanding there are people who are and they are worth looking for. This is hard enough already. Don't make things even more difficult on yourself by going through this alone. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me anytime. You are strong enough to make it through this. Take care and hang in there.

Lots of love<3 Mimi



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