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Philomath Offline
Love is > your mistakes
I can't get enough
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Name: Christina
Gender: Female
Location: Where the books are

Posts: 2,282
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Join Date: July 25th 2009

Is there anything I can do about it now? - August 16th 2009, 01:57 AM

Okay...first of all, I haven't seen the person I am going to discuss since I was ten and I can't get over what she did to me. (this about my step mom) Certain things bring back memories of the way she treated me and I always am thinking that, even though I know it's not my fault what she did to me, that's it my fault I didn't speak up, I didn't say anything...I feel bad for not admiting to the lawyers, my social worker, my foster parent and anyone else I could've told the truth to, what she did to me. I know it was abuse, I know it was wrong, i know that I'm away from there and that I won't be back in that situation, but what I don't know is how to stop having the memories of what happened to me come out. I feel guilty for not saying anything then and i feel angry that she got practically nothing for what she did to me. I'm angry that the social worker, who was there for my siblings and I, took her side and never asked us what happened to me. (I was the only one being abused) I'm angry that my dad stood up for her even though he knew what was going on, that he denied almost five years worth of abuse, that no one really asked me what happened to me and that I was to scared to say anything, after I left there when I was ten, I started thinking about all of it and feel stupid for not speaking up, for being afraid to say anything. I can't get the memories of her yelling at me, hitting me, dragging me, choking me, withholding water from me when I was thirsty and other stuff out of the front of my mind, i can't stop feeling angry and mad and upset. I don't know what to do. I've had these feelings for a while and I wish there some way to deal with them.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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Ignorance is bliss..
Average Joe
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Name: A.
Age: 27
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Location: U.S.

Posts: 181
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Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: Is there anything I can do about it now? - August 20th 2009, 01:58 PM

Hey Christina,

I'm so sorry you have been through all of this. No one should be treated like this, especially by those who should be there to protect you, not hurt you. It's completely understandable that you feel this way; 99% of the time victims feel guilty for one reason or another after they have been abused. But you need to always remember this was never you're fault. Many people don't speak up, it's extremely difficult. Don't be so hard on yourself for that. And you still have the chance. You can still talk to somebody about this. No, the past can't be changed, but the future is in your hands now. Don't let what she did to you ruin your chances at a happy life. Try talking to a close friend or family member, school counsellor, someone that you can trust. And I strongly suggest therapy. It can help you tremendously with the memories and help you to let go and move on. There is hope, I promise. You just have to know where to look.

I'll always be here if you ever want to talk.
Don't hesitate to PM me
Hang in there Christina && stay strong. I know you can

Originally joined: June 2008

" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
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floatingangel Offline
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Re: Is there anything I can do about it now? - August 22nd 2009, 03:49 PM

hey hun...
none of that is your fault! even the part that you said you couldn't tell anyone. it's really really hard to open up to people when abuse happens to you...
i know it's easy to keep thinking about what has happened in the past, and how it's easy to keep on letting it affect the way you live and the way you trust people. but know that you're away from that now, and that the only way you can triumph over someone who hurt you is to get completely over it.
and also remember that God loves you, (: and know that He will give you peace and rest if you ask that of Him. i pray that He'll continue to watch over you and that you'll feel His presence. (:

and the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
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