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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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AshtrayHeart Offline
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I really don't know what to do, it hurts so bad. help? - August 31st 2009, 08:26 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So urm...how to start..

Me and my girlfriend broke up around a month ago after 14 months of being together, because we were fighting alot i haven't heard from her much we wanted time apart but today she told a friend she needed to talk to me. I got on msn and she told me she was pregnant..I nearly let lose and screamed at her but then she told me she didnt want it to happen a guy had raped her, the same guy had been sending her texts for the last two months threatning to do things to her i tried to get her to tell her parents but she wouldnt, now i come online tonight and she tells me he forced her into having sex, she was really broken up because we'd broken up and he'd said 'no one else would care about her' and she fell for it, now shes pregnant.
Thing is, I'm the only one shes told shes took a test she knows shes pregnant and plans on getting rid of it because she can't handle having his baby. She wont tell her parents though, i want her too, she says she'll do it alone even though I've offered to be there for her. I just want to kill him, I want him dead for doing this to her. He's been staying at hers the last week while her parents have been away, making her do things to him like giving him blow***s or he said he'll kill her.
This all hurts so much and she says she doesnt need my help, i know she does, i dont know what to do I hurt so much, I love her still and I'm scared for her, everytime i think about it, it hurts so much and she wont tell her parents or the police.
I'm pretty sure we'll be getting back together but I just don't understand why she doesnt want me help, I'm hurting more than anything but i want to help her and protect her, and make her okay. But she wont let me.

I don't really know why i wrote this, but I want this sick f*** away from her, but i cant do anything if she wont tell her parents. She thinks she should chuck herself to him because thats all shes worth and because he says 'he belongs to her' shes in such a bad way she'll do anything.

I just needed to get this out..just trying to hold on myself..

Is it wrong for me to hurt because shes listening to him too even though she feels threatened? I hurt in so many ways, more than anything I want to protect her and help but she won't let me..I want him away from her.


'Cause there's no pride to be found when you follow sheep around..

<3 15/3/09 <3
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Pour the Teapot Offline
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Re: I really don't know what to do, it hurts so bad. help? - August 31st 2009, 10:20 PM

what you need to do, is TELL THE POLICE! tell her that if she won't go to the police, you will, and don't let her stop you. do you really want to help in hurting your friend? because that is what you're doing if you just leave this be. you have to get this guy away from her permanently. you got it? so, i repeat, TELL THE POLICE! that and being there for her are the best things you can do. and like i said, NOTHING should stop you from telling the police, even your friend.
   
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Re: I really don't know what to do, it hurts so bad. help? - September 1st 2009, 06:18 AM

This happened to a friend of mine a few years back. she was hanging with a guy "turtle" and he raped her. She didnt want anybody to know but I told the police. It's not what she wanted, but it was the right thing. initially she was angry at me but eventually realized i was trying to help her. i did it because i love her and want my friends to be safe.

if you even remotely care about this girl you will tell the police. ESPECIALLY since her life has been threatened. someday he may actually kill her.
PROTECT HER!!!
   
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Re: I really don't know what to do, it hurts so bad. help? - September 1st 2009, 05:01 PM

Hey there,

It certainly isn't wrong for you to be hurting. You care about this girl and when you know that someone is hurting someone you care about it is natural for you to hurt too. You have every right to feel the way that you are, and you have every right to reach out for help yourself.

Try and step back from this situation a minute. She was the one who told you what was happening and what he is making her do. You didn't force her to tell you, and you didn't find out from someone else or by yourself. She made the decision to tell you. Why do you think she did that? There could be many different reasons, but can you see that perhaps she told you because she actually does want you to help her?

It's natural for her to be scared. He is telling her that this is all that she's worth, that she doesn't deserve any better, and when you're being told something over and over eventually a part of you starts to believe it. If she believes that she's not worth anything else then it can be difficult to go against that voice and reach out for help. Keep talking to her and reassuring her that you are there for her, and will be there for her through all of this no matter what she decides to do.

I really think that someone else needs to know about what is happening, and I think you know that as well. Talk to her and explain that you're hurting because she's hurting and that you think her parents should know. I know you may have already told her this, but tell her again. Perhaps even suggest that you either tell her parents with her or for her. She doesn't deserve what is happening, and your support will mean so much to her.

Hurting this guy wont change what has happened. Yes, the idea might make you feel better, but will it make her feel better? She needs support, not more pain. You're doing a great job being there for her.

You said that she's staying with this guy on her own at the moment, because her parents are away. Is there any way that she could stay with you for a few days, or you stay there with her?

I'm really glad that you posted, because like I said before, you need support as well. Keep reaching out and know that we're here to support you through all of this.
   
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AshtrayHeart Offline
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Re: I really don't know what to do, it hurts so bad. help? - September 2nd 2009, 09:45 PM

She wouldn't tell her parents because she was scared they'd kick her out and blame her for getting pregnant, she still didn't tell them but I told the police. She's pretty annoyed at me..but i know it was the right thing to do.


What I don't understand is she told me all this and then said she didn't need my help, that she'd do it on my own and then said I'd go with her to the doctors because she wanted an abortion, i just said I'd support her no matter what she did and she said 'if anyone needs help, its you' It kinda hurt..all I'm trying to do is be there for her and let her know constantly that if she needs me im right here, but she doesn't seem to like it. But her parents are at home now


'Cause there's no pride to be found when you follow sheep around..

<3 15/3/09 <3
11 months, I love you.
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