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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
kiwiokee Offline
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Name: Kelsey.
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Post My brother ruins my life. - September 9th 2009, 11:15 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

He has broken my nose and my mom's jaw. He has punched my mom in the temple several times and i have bruises all over me. He harasses me and says he'll kill me, rape me, ect. He says, "Get off the computer, or you die." I feel like he controls my life. My mom is even scared of him. It's two women in a house with him, since my Dad and Mom are divorced. He has asburgers, a type of autism. He's been called the police on many times and been in the hospital even more. He steals, lights things on fire, and is in to drugs and drinking. He's huge in height, and i'm average + my mom is short. So we can never fight back.
My dad used to beat my brother apparently. I don't remember, because they either never did it around me or i was too little. My dad threw my mom into a wall one time. My mom says she feels like he never left- my brother seems like a repleca of him.
He always obsesses. He's major OCD. He's obsessed over drugs, cars, and now it's a mixture of stealing and child pornography. It's really disturbing. And the people in my neighborhood don't like me, because of him obviously. They think he's crazy.
He gets whatever he wants because he annoys it out of my mom. I feel like he controls my life. He has all the game systems and even more games.
I can never have friends over because of him.
My mom had basically told me she'll never get rid of him.
I can't really go to a friend because none of them know. My friend who i told basically said nothing and just stared at me. My mom knows i told her and is really mad at me for it. I want to see a counsler but I'm afraid they will take it out on my poor mom.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the mom of the house.
Like just recently I had to take care of my mom because she got hit so hard in the temple, while trying to calm my brother down who was throwing garbage everywhere and trying to break the door down.
Also, I feel like I have gotten depressed because of my life. I told my mom, and she tells me I am overdramatic. I feel like noone understands.
I have gone to HelpLink before, but I'm looking for your opinions.

Help me.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Pour the Teapot Offline
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Re: My brother ruins my life. - September 10th 2009, 12:36 AM

this is a very serious situation. is there any way you could get out of the house? any friends or relatives you could stay with or anything? i think the best thing in this situation is to stay out of your brother's way, and if he tries to you hurt you or your mom again then call the police and have him removed. this is not a good environment for you or your mom, and you need to fix it, before it gets any worse.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My brother ruins my life. - September 10th 2009, 12:42 AM

Hey there Kelsey. It sounds like you are being put in a really tough situation. It's not fair that you should have to be scared in your own home. That's one of the few places we should feel safe.

I know it would be a hard thing to do, but what about involving another adult or social services or even talking to your school counselor? It sounds like your brother could use some help - for you and your mom's safety as well as his own.

It's understandable that your mom doesn't want to chance him being taken away, etc. but you deserve a safe home and he deserves a chance to learn and grow and there are people out there who can help him with that. Don't be afraid to ask for some help. You don't have to do this all on your own.

I hope you're okay right now and please pm me if you ever need to talk.
<3 emily


"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My brother ruins my life. - September 10th 2009, 12:54 AM

Kelsey,

I know the idea of telling someone what is going on is extremely scary, but you have to get out of that house. This situation is very dangerous, and you need to get yourself out of it. It may seem like no one understands, but I do not believe you're talking to the right people. Another teenager cannot help you out of this; friends are great for support, but this is serious.

Is there another family member, a teacher, guidance counselor, someone you can speak to? If not, you could also call a hotline for help. The person on the other end of the line will be able to give you the best advice about how to get out of your current situation. I know you love your mother and don't want to do anything to upset her, but the most important thing right now is your safety. And I think that, in the end, getting away from your brother will be what's best for her, as well.

Please, take care of yourself, and do whatever you have to do to get to a safe place. I'm here if you ever need anything.


[/url]
"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My brother ruins my life. - September 10th 2009, 01:02 AM

Hey There,

Okay first, You and your mom should be safe in your home. INCLUDING YOUR BROTHER.

I think this is just getting way too dangerous for your own sake. Im not saying your brother is crazy or anything.

Just because he says all of this stuff and had hurt you and your mom very seriously at times doesnt mean hes a bad person, Even though he has this type of autism is does NOT EXCUSE HIS BEHAVIOR OR ANYTHING. He can learn and grow and become a way more caring person by Possibly going to counceling, And many other things.

I would talk to somebody about this, Your mom cant hide this Problem forever. It seems like its getting worse as time goes on for you guys. And its not a bad thing to talk to someone about this. Its a way of safety and security. a school counceler may be a good start if you like how they do counceling and give advise.

they may be able to give you advise on how to keep your family safe and help your brother with this and support him.

The first thing i would do to keep myself safe. Is to see if i could get out of the house and go see your friends or just simply riding your bike out at the park.
It can help you breath and calm your senses and get out of the stress.

2. I would keep my cell phone with me AT ALL TIMES. That way, If you feel in danger of how your brother is acting out or is trying to hurt you or anything. You can call the police, 911, anything that you feel you should call and is gonna send help to you quickly.


I wouldnt worry about your mom being mad at you for speaking out or getting help. Remember, The sooner the better! Hes not gonna get any better with just letting time go on like this,
Your mom may be mad at you at first, But she may and probley will
be greatful you did. Getting help for him may and probley will change him into the better person he really is.


I would possibly try getting him help in anyway what so ever.
Before i went to counceling, I was going down, down down into the black deep water. Then, after 2 years of unbarible heart ache of depression, ect.

I went to counceling, And the first time i went to counceling i really liked it, and it made me feel better more and more after a few weeks, Withing just those few weeks, The sadness was starting to finnaly go away, and many other things started being taken out of me and replaced with the good.

Now, i feel SO MUCH MORE BETTER THAN I DID 2 YEARS AGO. I love myself, And i couldnt ask for anything more. My lifes not perfect. And i still have struggles. But i get threw them always.

This is what may and probley will happen with your brother with just the right counceler. I would check with councelers that you think will be the best for your brother at first. and keep looking until you find the perfect match for him!

By the way i was wondering how old is your brother now?
Im just wondering not trying to be rude or anything.

good luck! And pm me anytime you need to!


Met you from a tie between u and me buddy,
Saw you from my wired eyes with a twisted little lie, and my mind told me negative when i had a wish to own you with my heart, buddy and you split like twigs, senses told her i fell for him, and she told me "i loved him, and go get him" And while i said "negative he said "correct" <3


Me and ? = 3 days which =correct

Last edited by ShAtTerEd HeaRt; September 10th 2009 at 01:18 AM.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
LadiesLlama Offline
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Re: My brother ruins my life. - September 11th 2009, 08:58 PM

Hey there, Kelsey.

I would just like to say to you that I'm so proud of you for posting all of this as one of your first posts. You have a lot of courage when it comes to talking about this, and I respect that so, so much. Welcome to TeenHelp, by the way. I'm going to go through your post paragraph by paragraph so that I address all of your concerns and I can help you the best I can.

First, of all, I want to say that what you're going through must be difficult for you. It must scare you to have to live with your brother in the way he is, to have to tell people that someone you're related to did this to you, it must be heartbreaking. You mentioned that you feel he controls your life in your post, but what would you do if I told you that you control your life: your choices, your outcomes of your situations? I will get to that later in this post, I promise.

Have the police or hospitals ever suggested residential living, or maybe something temporary for him to live in, other than the two of you? I only say this because it is a last resort, to move him from the home. He's a danger to you and to your mother, and you don't need that feeling of danger in your life.

To be truthful, each and every person has a breaking point. Your mom will get to her breaking point one of these times, and she will see that she's going to have to make a choice. It will not be an easy choice, but there's something I would like to address with you so that you can feel comfortable taking the steps necessary to do it. You probably will want to talk to a counselor sooner or later, or a therapist, so that you don't have to keep this bottled inside of you for very much longer. Eventually, you will have too much pressure, and then boom.

To be honest, I think that whoever you decide to talk to, if you explain the situation, will not take it out on your mom. They won't take it out on you, or your brother, they'll try to help you all out as much as they can.

For now, though, let me close this with one last thing. I implore you to take one leap of faith in talking to someone about this, because this is too much for you to keep in, and deal with, and I'm sure it hurts you day in and day out. I understand you can't tell a friend, because your mom will get mad, but you know why? She gets mad because she doesn't want people to see her as a freak, a bad parent, someone not fit to raise two children, maybe?

All in all, you're going to be okay. Keep that within the back of your mind, and if you ever need anything, I'm only a PM or a VM away. <3



||I knew when I looked in his eyes ||
||That he was gonna be
trouble for me ||


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