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Unhappy Sorry but (SH and PG-13 please watch it too) - September 13th 2009, 10:00 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ok so 10 YEARS ago there was this girl on my bus(I ride special education). But anynow she was on the bes let's call her T. Well EVERY day T would assult me to the FACE and verbally abuse me, course leading me to not want to go to school. At first I sat in a regular seat with T, but it very quickly became appeaant to Mrs. S. the bus driver that that just wasn't doing. I at this point move up to a lock-in (things wheelchairs are put in on buses). Well there is this young woman J that sits in the lock-in directly in front of me facing me. Well as long as J is on thazt bus T does not bother me one because J was older than both of us and two because getting in lock-ins isn't easy. HOWEVER, EVERY day after J. got off it was me then T then J to get on in the morning and the other way around in the afternoons. Any J was off that bus T would come up in the lock-in sit on a ledge thing and hit me to the face and hand I would say at LEAST 5-10 times both there and back. Well I CALLED myself forgiiving T for her actions a couple of years ago HOWEVER for some reason GOD only knows why the thoughts of T are back and causing me to want to self harm. So far 4 months without it but at this rate.... Well I talked to one of my teachers about it earlier today and she advised that I talk to mom. HOWEVER I scared of how mom will react to this coming back up 10 and 11 YEARS later so I come here. and asks what the HECK is wrong with me years later and when will this go away. I mean surely I won't be having these thought 20 and 30 years after the fact.
She also made statements like if you tell your grandmonther will die and said things like that she would show up uninvisted to my house/parties. When will this go away for that matter WHY is it even here NOW and how much longer can I keep my four months at this rate if this does NOT leave?
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Re: Sorry but (SH and PG-13 please watch it too) - September 14th 2009, 04:00 AM

Hey there Emily. I'm really sorry you had to go through this abuse from one of your peers and that it's all coming back up now. Have you ever spoken to someone about the memories? It may help to talk with your mom or a therapist about them. I know it can be hard, but you deserve help and you don't have to do this alone. Sometimes all we need is for our stories to be heard.

And I wouldn't worry about it having been years since the abuse happened. Everyone heals at their own pace and sometimes even after you think you've healed, it will pop-up at unexpected moments. The important thing is that you find some help and talk through everything that happened.

I know self harm is a difficult thing to try and quit, but it is possible and having gone four months is amazing! I'm really proud of you for that. You can get through this though hun. Talk with someone, use the alternatives that work for you, but don't give up.

I hope you're doing okay right now. You can always PM me.
<3 emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

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