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Question Is it my fault? - September 14th 2009, 08:57 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This past Thursday, a very close family friend - J - and his sister - B - were at the house with me, my mom, and my sister. J and I decided to drink, which I drink ever so often so it wasn't a big deal.

Well, J made my drinks waaaay stronger than I'm used to, so within two cups, I was drunk (for the first time ever). I was very annoying according to my mom and sister but then I started feeling sick and ended up leaning over the bathroom toilet with J holding my hair back.

Anyways, mom and J talked and he promised to not do anything to me and take care of me so he slept in my bed with me. And, this happens to be the only thing I remember about that night...

He told me had been hitting on me all day. He said how he had liked me for the past two years. And then he started touching me inappropriately.

...I was so drunk I just laid there and then I tried to touch him but I was too drunk I couldn't keep my hand on him. So he jerked off on himself and I fell asleep while he did. Oh, and we kissed before that.

Anyways. I woke up with a horrible hangover, and told my boyfriend I got durnk and did stuff with someone. He wouldn't talk to me.

Told my mom finally and I thoguht she was mad at me so I felt horrible and tried to kill myself.

Mom then said it wasn't my fault and he took advantage of me. Boyfriend and I are better now. But...is it my fault? I can't stop dreaming or thinking about it (in nightmare ways).

   
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 14th 2009, 09:47 PM

it's not your fault, you couldn't know what was in the drink
don't worry about it,
xx.
   
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 14th 2009, 10:06 PM

Sweetie, this is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong. No matter how drunk you are, it is NEVER okay for someone to take advantage of you and do inappropriate things to you. You were drunk. You weren't able to consent. This is NOT, under ANY circumstances, your fault. I promise. I'm so glad that you were able to tell your mom and be honest with her. It's going to be important for you to keep being honest with her about everything because this will bring up a lot of feelings for you, as you're realizing now. Try to let yourself feel them, as scary as it is, and reach out to your mom and anyone else.

THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. Take good care of yourself and PM me anytime.
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 14th 2009, 10:09 PM

Hey Mystery,
You are not to blame in any way at all.
He broke yours and your mum's trust because he said he would look after you and instead he was touching you inappropriately when you had no control or time to react where you was so intoxicated.
There wasn't anything you could do to prevent this.
Your boyfriend needs to understand this guy took advantage of you when you were vunerable and there wasn't much you could do to protect yourself because you were so drunk.
Please don't blame yourself, it's not your fault.
PM me if you ever need to talk, Paige x
   
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 14th 2009, 10:21 PM

Thank you guys. Means a lot you responded.

My mom wants me to talk to J soon for "closure". I'm not sure about that. But...I am feeling better about what happened. My boyfriend understands now though that I was really drunk and he agrees J took advantage.
   
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 15th 2009, 12:02 PM

He did take advantage of you so it definitely wasn't your fault. He knew you were drunk and he got you drunk so he could take advantage. You can't be responsible for someone elses actions so don't ever blame yourself! I am glad that you told your boyfriend and that he is being understanding now. It is up to you whether you talk to J about it. It might help to get out how you are feeling but then again you say you are feeling better about it and it could just make you feel worse. Do what you think is best. You stay strong lovely
   
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 20th 2009, 03:32 AM

Hey...it's just getting EXTREMELY hard...

Found out last night my half sister's half sister, who I tell most everything to...is now dating the guy, and "in love" with him...

=/ Wtf? I mean seriously, w.t.f? I told her it was him and she said how horrible it was and then not even a week later I found out they've been flirting and dating and shit and the worst part is??? He was supposed to be married last week!!!

BLAH!!! I dream about him every night, and never in a good way. It's REALLY effecting me...and yeah, my boyfriend knows. Just two nights ago I broke down because it had been a week since it happened and my boyfriend was there for me, which was great...but he sort of has a "lack" of emotions. He doesn't let himself get too emotional. So he held me and rubbed my back and then that was pretty much that. =/ I dunno. I just want someone to say, "I'm here. It's going to be okay. Blah blah blah." Tell me BS. I don't care...Just make the hurting stop!
   
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 20th 2009, 05:40 PM

Hey,

You've definitely been through a lot recently. I know it's been repeated several times but I just want to remind you that you're in no way to blame for this. He was purposely deceitful when he lied to your mom about just taking care of you, he knew what he was doing, and he was the one who was in the wrong here. Not everyone is a good person and that's not your fault. Now that you know how intensely alcohol can effect you, you might want to cut back on your drinking. Not because it was your fault but just to keep yourself safer. I would try talking to your half half sister about how you feel about her being with a man who would take advantage of someone like that. It's so hard to cope with betrayal but anger won't solve anything. If you ever need someone I hope you know I'm here for you. I know you're strong enough to make it through this. Hang in there.

Lots of love<3 Mimi



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Re: Is it my fault? - September 21st 2009, 08:36 PM

It's not your fault, you dont know what was in that drink he gave you. He took advantage of you. i am glad you and your boy and good now. if u think talking to him would give you closure then go for it but have your mum with you so you have support.
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 21st 2009, 08:39 PM

No. It's not your fault. You had no clue you'd get drunk like that and he lied to your mom. Maybe you should tell her what happened, so she knows not to believe him again.

*hugs*
   
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Re: Is it my fault? - September 21st 2009, 09:48 PM

Thank you all. This has had far more responses that I expected.

I think I'm starting to do better. My boyfriend has been such a great help, and the dreams are beginning to stop now. It still bugs me a lot about what happened, but I think that's to be expected.
   
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