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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
deartrixie Offline
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Name: Trixie Stone
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I dont know what to make of this - September 21st 2009, 02:29 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ive been going to teenhelp for about a year now, and Im sure every one knwos about the whole eric, molestation 4 times thing, [minus you newcomers]. so I was at a town gathering friday night, because my landlord was supposed to be bringing eric back to our house. So i went specifically so that I didnt run into him. He shows up there. I run into the bathroom hysterical. My whole nights ruined. Then Im walking home with my best friend [we live like, maybe a mile away] and its about 11:30 at night and we see these two guys behind us. We thoguht it was her boyfriend, so we wait for them. Come to find out, its not. Its these two guys we'd never seen before. We all start talking and we have alotta fun and it totally makes the walk home not that scary, and perfectly cool, even fun. I exchange aims with them and one of them ims me the next day saying how i was cute and everything but I told him I had a bf, so nothing could happen. he said that was fine we cud just chill. So me and my friend [were neighbors] go to chill with them, he immediately starts hitting on me. Then, he kept grabbin my boobs, and then he fucking kissed them and tried to fucking finger my thru my fucking pants.and then he slapped my ass and pulled my hair and asked me if I liked it. and told me he wanted to fuck me bekus I was hott and he had never fucked a white girl [he was black]and then i said i was fat and he told me to turn around and he grabbed my ass again, and then he gets a condom and puts it in his mouth, an shit, an then hes humping my leg, I dont know what to do. its bothering me so bad.Then, saturday morning, erics at my house. my landlord just hired him to work around the apartments 5 days a week. Im going nuts, I have no idea how to deal with that and i had gone a year without cutting, okay maybe like 3 relapses and I just crashed really hard and Now i cant seem to stop cutting. I cant go to a counselor and Im ready to just die. I mean I wanna talk about it, but I cant upset my boyfriend, aka my best friend and I just dont know what to do....

Last edited by deartrixie; September 21st 2009 at 09:41 PM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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Re: I dont know what to make of this - September 21st 2009, 11:03 PM

Hey there Trixie. First off, I'm really sorry you are going through this. Coping with past abuse is hard enough without all these things being added on top. I hope you know that what happened was not your fault though hun. They took advantage of you and you are in no way to blame.

Have you considered going to the police about what happened? It sounds like assault to me, especially since you told him nothing could happen. Maybe you could also talk to your landlords about eric? You don't have to tell them everything, just that you two have a bad past and you don't feel safe with him around. They may or may not do anything about it, but they can't do anything unless they know.

I also think you should try talking with someone. I know you said you couldn't see a counselor, but if there is any way, I think you should reconsider. There are free counseling options out there, you just have to find them. If it really isn't an option, then you should try talking with someone you trust. You shouldn't have to worry about upsetting your boyfriend. He will probably be hurt by what happened to you, but if he loves you, he would want to know and would want to be there for you.

As for the cutting, a year, even with a few relapses, is amazing and I'm so proud of you for that. It takes a lot of strength to quit. You've done it once though, I know you can do it again. Just remember the alternatives you used the first time and don't be afraid to talk to someone. You deserve support through all of this.

I hope you're doing okay right now and keep yourself safe Trixie. You can PM me anytime.
<3 emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

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Re: I dont know what to make of this - September 22nd 2009, 06:20 AM

it sounds like everything is a mess for you but what you cant do is let yourself replase try to stop cutting i know thats hard trust me, but what worked for me is doing relaxation. see when i cut it was because i had sad feelings and i was really stressed out so doing yoga and relaxation everything i felt like that allowed me to first off calm myself down and take my mind off what was happening around me by the time iwas finished the urge to cut had passed, it may work for you to. everytime you feel like hurting yourself do something to relax you and take you mind off it until it passes. secondly talking about what happened could be a good thing for you. your boyfriend may be upset hearing it at first but he would be glad you could come to him about it if not him someone else around you. also goto the police, he cant get away with what he did. i hope this helps in some way i am always here if you need to talk.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Spirit. Offline
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Re: I dont know what to make of this - September 22nd 2009, 07:15 AM

Hey Trixie!
Really sorry this is happening to you! As Emily said, it can indeed be very painful when these things come up and you're still trying to cope with all that from the past! And I understand that you feel you can't do anything but cut, because you are feeling overwhelmed by all this!
But, as I am trying to help you, cutting, just isn't the answer. You are adding more pain to the problem by doing it, even if you don't realize it!
I'm really proud of you for making it so long without cutting! *hug* Just keep it up! Of course you will have a few relapses, but, then, at least you're trying, and that's the first step!
About what just happened, I really suggest telling your boyfriend! Maybe he can help you out? And I too suggest going to the police about this, because you seemed clear when you told him, you just wanted to be friends!!
If you ever need to talk, please feel free to drop by!
Hugs! Feel better!!!
Take care!

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In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
deartrixie Offline
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Re: I dont know what to make of this - October 3rd 2009, 04:43 AM

thanks guys.
i went to the police, and they didnt believe me. there wasnt any "witnesses".
also, the boyfriend knows. and so does the landlord. he doesnt care. he brings him ehre anyway. i swear hes got it out for me. him and my mom even dated. for like 3 years. and he knew about it, after it happened, he was the noe who took us to the police! it was ridiculous.
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Kokoro Offline
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Re: I dont know what to make of this - October 3rd 2009, 03:02 PM

I am really sorry this has happened to you, I have been in a similar position except for the fact I didn't tell anyone.

I understand it can be hard and plays on your mind all the time but no matter who believes you and who doesnt you have to try!!

Don't give up because the cops don't believe you, if there is anyway you can get proof of what happened then you can get him sent down!

Don't give up hope! and Don't stop trying!!!

xx Pm Me Anytime xx

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