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toriax0 Offline
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should i just get over it?.. - October 9th 2009, 02:28 AM

When i was little my older cousin started molested me. it lasted until i was almost 15. I've started cutting and smoking weed a lot lately because theyre the only things that help me with it. i've told a couple of my friends about my cousin and what i do to myself and most of them are pretty supportive but there's a couple people who just don't really get me. They say that since it ended a while ago i should just get over it because i could have told, but i didnt, so it's my fault it went on for so long. I didn't really believe them at first because i thought that all people who were molested take a long time to get over it but i'm not really sure anymore. Should I be over it after a year?
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Jen Offline
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Re: should i just get over it?.. - October 9th 2009, 02:34 AM

Hi Victoria,

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about what you've been through. What an ordeal. The first thing I want to say is: this was not your fault. It's non-negotionable. It wasn't your fault and there is no possible way of making it into your fault. Rape, abuse, assault, molestation, are NEVER the victim's fault. No matter how old, how long ago, the circumstances, what was said and done, etc. It is never okay for someone to take advantage of someone like that. EVER.

So, the people telling you it was your fault because you didn't tell are wrong. You were scared, Victoria. You were a child--you WERE. And you didn't know what to do or what to think or anything. Not telling was a choice you made because you didn't know what else to do. And that doesn't make you bad or good or anything. You were coping. You were doing the best you could.

Trauma is not something you just "get over". There's no point of time after which you "should" be okay and "should" be over it. it doesn't work like that. And maybe it would be nice if it did, but it doesn't. It is something you will never forget about, ever. BUT, it won't always haunt you this much. You will get to points where you can go days, weeks, months, without thinking about it, without it bothering you to the point of needing to cut or use other negative coping mechanisms. You CAN heal, Victoria. I promise you that.

Who do you feel like you could reach out to? It's so important to be honest with people who will understand and support you. Do you think you could talk to a parent or other trusted family member? That's always a great place to start. Otherwise, a teacher, guidance counselor, school nurse, etc. You need to be getting professional and personal support to heal from this trauma. And you deserve it, Victoria.

Take good care of yourself, okay? Reach out and know that if you need anything, I'm here.


"Do not ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

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Re: should i just get over it?.. - October 9th 2009, 06:43 PM

What Jen said is exzactly right! everyone is different we each have our own ways of coping and time periods in which it takes. It honestly all is based on the person. Trust me it may take well over a year, but you CAN and WILL recover? Okay. As far as ways pf coping you said that you were cutting and smoking pot why not try something a littlle safer. There is a list of alternatives in the self harm forum why not start there? ALso like Jen said it will NEVER be your fault, please try to reach out and get help from anyone that you trust.
I wish you the best of luck and Hope that everything goes well for you.
If you ever need anything my PM box is always open

I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are
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Re: should i just get over it?.. - October 13th 2009, 12:28 AM

thank youu
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Re: should i just get over it?.. - October 13th 2009, 04:47 AM


It's great that you've decided to come here for additional support. You deserve to feel better, and I hope that you can continue to take the steps necessary to get the support that you need and deserve.

What you went through was terrible, and I am so sorry that you have had to deal with all of this. What happened was not at all your fault; this sort of trauma can be paralyzing, keeping one from speaking up about what they're being put through. This does not at ALL make what happened your fault or your responsibility.

Healing takes time, and the amount of time required is different for everyone. It can take years to decades to recover from such a trauma; I was molested seven years ago, and I still have flashbacks and nightmares from time to time. You will heal eventually, you will get past this. Just take it one day at a time, take it at your own pace. Every day that you are able to keep going is an achievement, and you should be proud.

Take care. Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to talk about anything.

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I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

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Re: should i just get over it?.. - October 13th 2009, 10:04 AM

This isn't the sort of thing that you can or should try to "just get over", and anyone who says otherwise I don't think is a very good friend. Please remember that this wasn't your fault. Are you getting counseling? It might be a good idea to go and see someone, when you are ready. It might feel really scary at first but it will help you SO much. Your already doing really well by telling your friends, I know from experience how hard that can be, so why don't you ask them to come with you to see the doctor or school counselor to ask for some help, taking them with you can really ease the pressure on you. If you do get to see someone it won't be like you sit down and they make you tell them the first thing you say, they go totally at your pace. You have done so well already so please keep it up and go and see someone. Feel free to PM me absolutely anytime about anything.

h is a bluebird that you see from afar
it is real and as sure as the first evening star
can't touch it, or buy it, or lock it up tight
but its there just the same
making things turn out right


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Re: should i just get over it?.. - October 13th 2009, 11:48 PM

hi victoria

What happen to you wasnt your fault and you didnt know better but you should really try talking to someone about what you feel and they could start helping you and that is the first step and then it is normal that you have thoughts about it but there will be a time that you will not think about it for a week then a month and sos and so on and it will pass

PM me anytime
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Re: should i just get over it?.. - October 16th 2009, 12:55 AM

It was in no way your fault, as the others said. You're friends have no right to tell you to "get over it" because if they had had that happen to them, they would know its not possible to "just get over it."
If you get over it, it will be on your own time.

I'll eat when I am hungry
I'll drink when I am dry,
Get drunk whenever I'm ready, get sober by and by.
And if this river don't drown me,
it's down I'll mean to roam,
For I'm a river driver and I'm far away from home.
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