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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
losing touch. Offline
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my friend lied about being raped. - October 11th 2009, 04:09 PM

i found out that my friend lied about being raped.. but people still think that it's true. i don't know what to do because it's not fair that people think this guy raped her when he didn't.. but at the same time i feel like i shouldn't get involved.

what should i do?.


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 11th 2009, 04:32 PM

It is unfair. I think you should talk to your friend and find out why she lied if you don't already know. Then maybe you should try and get your friend to tell you the truth. I don't think you should be the one to tell everybody that she lied, because they may not belive you. Get your friend to tell everybody.
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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 11th 2009, 04:33 PM

Did she tell you it wasnt true? How did you fine out? well i think you should tak to her and tell her what she did was wrong and she could get in alot of trouble. She may not like this guy but this is no way to get back at him and there are other ways of dealing with people that your friend dosent like.
Hope this helped PM me anytime. Or when you just want to talk

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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 11th 2009, 05:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by edisongoldenbears View Post
Did she tell you it wasnt true? How did you fine out? well i think you should tak to her and tell her what she did was wrong and she could get in alot of trouble. She may not like this guy but this is no way to get back at him and there are other ways of dealing with people that your friend dosent like.
Hope this helped PM me anytime. Or when you just want to talk

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yeah she told me.


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 11th 2009, 09:26 PM

I think it's wrong of her to tell people that a guy raped her when he didnt. You should talk to your friend, let her know how you feel about it. I think she should come clean, but i guess that's her choice in the end. Talk to her, maybe you can make her see that she should come clean about the situation.
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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 11th 2009, 10:05 PM

Hey Elle,

I think you should try and convince your friend into telling the truth.
For one an inocent guy is being accused of raping her and for two there are so many people out there who do not have the courage to speak up about rape and here she is lying about being raped.
I don't think you personally should tell people the truth but your friend should because saying she was raped when she wasn't is wrong and not fair... really not fair, especially to those who have suffered rape and know how that really feels and how much that can dominate your life.
Also for those people who have been falsely imprisoned after being accused of rape.
   
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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 11th 2009, 11:53 PM

First, maybe she was doing it for attention. It may be for your attention, or the attention of someone else. Either way, that is a very unhealthy way to look for attention. Why did she tell you she did it?


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 12th 2009, 12:10 AM

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Originally Posted by mexico View Post
First, maybe she was doing it for attention. It may be for your attention, or the attention of someone else. Either way, that is a very unhealthy way to look for attention. Why did she tell you she did it?
she didn't. she just said it wasn't true.. and when i questioned her about it she just said she didn't want to talk about it.

do you guys think theres a possibility that it could actually be true afterall and that she's just embarassed/upset and is backtracking?.. it seems unlikely but idk..


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 12th 2009, 12:20 AM

it could be true and she is just scared but i dont know most people i know that have been raped dont turn around and say its not true after they have told people about it.
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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 12th 2009, 12:42 AM

Hey there Elle. It sounds like you are being put in a really tough situation. I think the best thing you can do is to sit down with your friend and just talk to her. Don't judge her whether she's lied in the first place or not, just tell her you're there for her and you want to know what happened.

If she's willing to talk to you and tell you what's going on, then you can figure out your next step from there. But if she doesn't say more, you really can't do much.

I hope she'll open up and give you the truth. Keep yourself safe and feel free to pm me anytime.
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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 12th 2009, 12:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxEllexx View Post

she didn't. she just said it wasn't true.. and when i questioned her about it she just said she didn't want to talk about it.

do you guys think theres a possibility that it could actually be true afterall and that she's just embarassed/upset and is backtracking?.. it seems unlikely but idk..
I can actually relate to you on this one. One of my friends also lied about being raped. She told us and after we found out she lied, but it turned out she was a compulsive liar. She lied thoughout high school about may things, including about her brother been in coma, her dad walking out on her family, she having a abortion etc.
Some people are just like that, maybe this is not the first time she has lied about something. Even if so their could be worse problems with her than just lying.


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 12th 2009, 12:50 AM

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Originally Posted by mexico View Post
I can actually relate to you on this one. One of my friends also lied about being raped. She told us and after we found out she lied, but it turned out she was a compulsive liar. She lied thoughout high school about may things, including about her brother been in coma, her dad walking out on her family, she having a abortion etc.
Some people are just like that, maybe this is not the first time she has lied about something. Even if so their could be worse problems with her than just lying.
yeah that's the thing.. she has been known to lie about things in the past. i feel in an awkward situation though because now i'm never gunna know whether to believe anything she tells me.


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 13th 2009, 10:54 AM

Sounds like a tricky situation, and you're a great friend for caring enough to want to help both people involved. To me, there seems like a might be a few possibilities in this situation.

A) Your friend has been lying, and if this is true, there is likely to be an underlying reason. Maybe she is a compulsive liar, or maybe she is after attention. I think its likely that there is a reason. Maybe referring her to a councillor would be a good idea; it seems like she needs some help.

B) She is out to get this boy in some serious trouble. In this case, someone professional really should need to know. Her allegation could ruin his life and his career.

C) She really was raped and needed the release of telling someone. I can associate with this feeling. Rape can seriously mess with a person's head. Telling people is hard but it can help. It can also mess up alot of things. Once your friend realised that people knew about her rape, maybe she couldn't handle the thought of people knowing that sort of thing about her. I know of girls admitting they had been raped then denying it when law enforcement or councillors had been involved. Every girl has their own way of coping with their problems.


Overall, I think your friends needs some help. This may come in the form of a friend or a family member, it could also be a councillor or a law enforcement officer.

I hope I've helped a little bit.
   
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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 14th 2009, 04:37 AM

Well if it isn't true tell the boy and he can sue her for slander, and possibly libel if she wrote it also!


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 14th 2009, 09:21 AM

I've actually heard of a lot of people denying rape that actually happened.

If she just flat out told you she was lying, it seems likely that she was raped. If she's a compulsive liar, she probably wouldn't just admit to that one big lie, she'd probably say that she lies all the time, because to not do so is fairly stupid. If you weaseled it out of her one way or another, it gives the impression that she was uncomfortable with you knowing about the attack.

Very very very very VERY few people lie about sexual assault (the highest estimate I’ve heard was 6% of accusations are false, though I don’t know how they got that number), so I think you should probably assume for the worst in this case, though try and watch out for signs of compulsive lying.


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 14th 2009, 06:39 PM

Tell people. I mean if she made it up about a made up guy it's a bit weird but when it's an actual person taking the blame and getting his ass kicked then tell, it's just wrong.
   
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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 14th 2009, 08:27 PM

One of my old best friends lied to me about the same thing so I understand how you feel -______- and I'm pretty sure she has a complusive lying problem as she used to tell me lies that obviously weren't true.

All I can say is try and talk to her about it. Like other people may stated maybe she isn't lying and maybe is just scared.


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 14th 2009, 08:37 PM

thanks everyone for your input.

basically there has been quite a lot of drama surrounding this now. quite a few of my other friends found out that she lied about it [i didn't tell anyone.. so i can only assume that she has come clean to someone else who has told others.] the guy that she accused is quite a good friend of mine and he didn't know about her accusations of rape until it's now come out that she supposedly lied. he's obviously really upset and i spoke to him about it and i'm as sure as i can be that he didn't rape her. the night she said he raped her he was out with his friends and wasn't even at the party that she said she was raped at.. so it doesn't really add up.
loads of my friends are basically disowning this girl as a friend because of what she did.. but i can't help but feel a bit sorry for her. i mean, someone who lies about something like that obviously has another problem going on? i feel like i'm stuck in the middle because this girl has practically lost all her friends over this whole thing and urrgghh. i don't know what to do.


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Re: my friend lied about being raped. - October 25th 2009, 01:22 AM

You might want to talk to her. Try and be sympathetic, but if she really did lie, make it clear that that's a horrible thing to do. Bear in mind that if your male friend did rape her, he's not going to be honest about it, and his friends probably aren't going to be either.

Either way, perhaps you could suggest counseling to her.
   
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