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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Candy Offline
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My boyfriend and my babies. - October 13th 2009, 08:25 PM

I keep dreaming of things in my past and i can't stop. It's hard to stop. I'm not sure if this comes under Rape or Abuse but it's worth a try...
Well, basicly my EX boyfriend was really sweet at times but had a temper. When he was high - coke or weed- he'd beat the shit out of me for stupid stuff. I really did try to fight back but he was so strong especially coz he was spaced out. I feel sooo guilty because i lost two babies due to his violence. I blame him in some ways,in other ways i don't because it was when he wasn't in control. I did do things to trigger him off like umm i dunno the T.V being loud when he was sleeping, talking loud on the phone, being rude. et.c so i dont know who exactly is to blame.
Anyways, sometimes when he was spaced out (coked or high) he would want to have sex. Sometimes i'd fight back, other times i wouldn't... Is that abuse? i should've been stronger because i really didnt want to! but i was soo hard because i was scared of him like that and i had a baby to protect. I keep thinking about it, i dont know why i was so weak!
How can i get over it?
Thanx for listening


Candy =)

Last edited by Candy; October 13th 2009 at 08:34 PM.
   
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Re: My boyfriemd and my babies. - October 13th 2009, 08:43 PM

Hey Candy,
It is abuse, absolutely. I am so sorry that you have had to endure this trauma in your life. I know its hard to hear this, especially if you love him, but I would seriously consider going to the police. This type of violence is unacceptable. Perhaps pressing charges would give you some closure. I also understand that not everyone functions that way and that for some this is simply not an option.
I got through a lot by journaling. Its not something easy to overcome, but having that safe place to put my pain really helped me in a positive way. Maybe it can help you too. PM me any time if you need to talk.
-Katie
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Re: My boyfriemd and my babies. - October 13th 2009, 10:37 PM

Hey Candy,
In my opinion this is abuse.
Regardless of whether someone is your partner or not if you don't want to have sex you should have the choice of whether or not you do.
If you did not give your consent then that is rape.
Your ex pushing you around while you were expecting was not right.
Absolutely none of this is your fault and there was nothing you could have done to have prevented this.
I'm glad you managed to post this and I'm here whenever you need to speak Candy,
take care, Paige x
   
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Re: My boyfriemd and my babies. - October 25th 2009, 12:26 AM

I'm so sorry. Yes it is abuse. You are not to blame for his behavior; it is never the victim's fault.

Yes what he did was rape. If at any point you said no or fought back, it is rape. Even if you were silent, it was still rape though I'm not sure the legal system considers it to be. Silence is not consent.

Keep well; I wish you luck with everything.


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