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IJustWantToHelp Offline
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Unhappy Please help me. - October 27th 2009, 02:56 AM

I need help. Help with my sister. She was raped twice, by different men. She was 15. The first guy was 18 and from what I understand, he drugged her. The second guy was 30 years old......THIRTY!!!!! >='O! The were both drunk, she told him to stop though. She doens't know I know about either one of those rapes.. My mom has tried counseling.. it's done nothing. My sister a straight A honor student. She's fun, used to always make everyone laugh, even when we were feeling down, she always made us laugh. I don't know what to do. She's so angry all the time. She's punched holes through doors and walls and broken my things, my mom's things when we got her angry. She doesn't talk to anyone in the hosue, she just comes in and goes to her room and listens to music until she gets hungry. I just want her back. I want my sister to talk to me again, laugh with me. I want to hug her again and tell her I love her without her shooting me down or cursing me out. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. I don't know what to say. I don' t know.. how do I help her? How do I show her I care.. I'm here for her always.. she just shoots me down everytime I try to tell her that I love her. She's so angry.. and I think she's starting to rely on alcohol and illegal substances to get her through it. I'm witnessing my sister destroying herself, destroying her relationship with her family.. It's killing me watching her like this. I don't know what to do. Help me please.
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Re: Please help me. - October 27th 2009, 03:04 AM

Hey there,

It's so great that you want to help your sister through this difficult time. You must be such a caring, loving sister to care so much. I'm very proud of you.

What your sister is going through is terrible, something that no one should ever have to face. However, it's important to realize that she must choose to get past this; she must decide that it is time to heal. For some, it takes years to decide to deal with these things. Try not to pressure her into healing too quickly; this will only distance her from you even more.

Perhaps you should talk to her, and let her know that you're there for her if she would ever like to talk. It's important for your sister to have support during this time...and, sometimes, just knowing that someone cares can help quite a bit. Just do your best to be a good listener; don't advise, don't judge, just listen. Sometimes, that's all that someone needs to start the path of recovering from trauma.

Take care; I hope everything works out for the best. If you ever need anything, feel free to contact me.

"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"
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Re: Please help me. - October 27th 2009, 10:24 PM

I'm trying to do that. Trying to talk to her.. Just even saying hello or I love you or I'm here for you.. She just rolls her eyes and curses at me. How can I show her I'm there for her of she won't let me? If I try to talk to her or even be in the same room with her she says wtf and leaves or starts banging on things and breaking things. I feel like I'm losing her. She's smoking marijuana and everytime she drinks she gets drunk drunk, she's only 16. My mom has tried calling anyone to help and it seems like no one helps at all or the places that are willing to offer help cost like $3,000. I hate watching her ignore us and treat the family, whose there for her all the time and always will be no matter what, like we're crap. Her friends though or extended family, she treats like perfectly..but when she's home she treats us like we're scum. And I know she's going through a lot right, something I may never be able to relate to, but I don't feel like that should be a reason to treat me or our parents the way she does.
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Re: Please help me. - October 28th 2009, 09:31 PM

Hey there. I'm sorry you are having to go through this right now. It's hard when you want to be there for someone and help them and they just wont seem to let you.

What Jessi has said is right though. Until your sister is ready to get help and to talk, there isn't a whole lot you can do. All you can do is be there for her as best as possible. Maybe leave her little notes or do a nice thing for her once-in-awhile. She might act rude or mean, but those things really do matter.

After suffering abuse or assault like that, a lot of people put up a wall around them. They want to keep out all the people who they loved and trusted before because those are the people who are most able to hurt them now. I know that may not make sense, because I'm sure you would never hurt her, but in a victim's mind thoughts aren't always completely rational. I know I shut out everyone in my family and was pretty unbearable to live with for quite awhile.

You have to give her time and don't give up on her. I know waiting for her may be frustrating, but sometimes that's all you can do.

I hope you are doing alright. You can PM me anytime.
<3 Emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

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