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Question What to say? - October 28th 2009, 02:52 AM

My girlfriend has been physically and verbally abused by her father, and recently felt comfortable telling me about it. I'm fine listening to her, and we both understand that I don't have the answers for her. The problem is, when she rants to me, I don't know what to say. So when she tells me, I just say "ok" or "thats horrible", but that's not enough.
So what I'm asking is - what do you say when someone is telling you about their abuse?

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Re: What to say? - October 28th 2009, 03:39 AM

I was in a similar situation with a girl I dated a while back. She had been abused all through her childhood. I suppose it's different for every one, but we both found that what helped her most and made her comfortable to talk about it any time she needed to was just me lending a sympathetic ear. What she really wanted weren't any words from me, just some one she could safely let it out to and I was happy to be that person . It may be similar with your girlfriend. Comfort her and just ask her if there's anything that you can do to make things better or easier for her. She'll appreciate the concern and willingness to help.
I hope this helps a little .

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Re: What to say? - October 28th 2009, 10:49 AM

As the person above said its different for each person, some like to be comforted while others just want advice. I guess you just be there for her and maybe suggest she talk to someone like a counselor. I know that can be scary but they can help her a lot. When my dad used to verbally abuse me I just wanted someone to talk to but was scared cause I didn't know who I could trust, but then I opened up and it helped a lot. Also when my brother hit me I didn't tell anyone except my best friend but what I needed was just someone to talk to. So I guess my best advice is be there and help her through this.

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Re: What to say? - November 2nd 2009, 05:49 PM

Words are not needed from the comforter. When we feel comfortable enough to share our pain with someone we trust, all we need is that trusted love to hold us and protect us in their embrace.

Let her bury her face in your chest and she'll be the happiest and most comforted soul you'll ever see.

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Re: What to say? - November 3rd 2009, 11:48 AM

I know that if I was to talk to someone about the abuse i've endured, I'd just want them to listen. They wouldn't have to say anything at all. Just the knowledge that they were on my side would be enough. Maybe just let her know that? That you are 100% on her side. It'll make her feel much stronger
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