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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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ellabella1243 Offline
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Question Was I raped? - October 31st 2009, 07:39 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

The other night, this guy that I randomly hooked up with about a week before called me at around 3 in the morning (asking me if I wanted to come down to his dorm room to hang out). He was a really really nice guy and seemed cool the first time so I decided to go down. He seemed really drunk and we started kissing right away. I realized that his roommate was in the room and it made me a little uncomfortable since the guy I was with kept talking really loud about what we were doing. As we kept doing stuff, he started pulling my pants down. He was fingering me and it hurt since he didn't know what he was doing. I kept telling him to stop but he kept going. I tried to pull his hand away but he was too strong for me. He started to pull his pants down also. I kept telling him no and even tried explaining it to him as thoroughly as possible so he would understand. He kept asking me to give him head or have sex with him. I kept telling him no and he didn't seem to understand why I didn't want to. I can't explain how many times I said no. He tried to force himself into me to have sex! He also accused me of things like I was a virgin etc. (which I'm not..., I think to guilt me or pressure me to do it). He also kept telling me that I knew I wanted it and I should stop fussing. Throughout this whole thing, his roommate didn't seem to care. I finally told him that I was leaving and felt uncomfortable. He let me go, but...


I know we didn't actually do it, but is this rape? Why was his rommmate so OK with this?

I am still so sore from him fingering me. I don't understand what happened, I don't know if he meant to do any of this, but it freaked me out.

How do I react to this? What do I do when/If I see him again...?

Should I do anything about this..?

Last edited by Emily.; November 1st 2009 at 10:47 PM. Reason: added triggering prefix
   
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Re: Was I raped? - October 31st 2009, 07:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ellabella1243 View Post
The other night, this guy that I randomly hooked up with about a week before called me at around 3 in the morning (asking me if I wanted to come down to his dorm room to hang out). He was a really really nice guy and seemed cool the first time so I decided to go down. He seemed really drunk and we started kissing right away. I realized that his roommate was in the room and it made me a little uncomfortable since the guy I was with kept talking really loud about what we were doing. As we kept doing stuff, he started pulling my pants down. He was fingering me and it hurt since he didn't know what he was doing. I kept telling him to stop but he kept going. I tried to pull his hand away but he was too strong for me. He started to pull his pants down also. I kept telling him no and even tried explaining it to him as thoroughly as possible so he would understand. He kept asking me to give him head or have sex with him. I kept telling him no and he didn't seem to understand why I didn't want to. I can't explain how many times I said no. He tried to force himself into me to have sex! He also accused me of things like I was a virgin etc. (which I'm not..., I think to guilt me or pressure me to do it). He also kept telling me that I knew I wanted it and I should stop fussing. Throughout this whole thing, his roommate didn't seem to care. I finally told him that I was leaving and felt uncomfortable. He let me go, but...


I know we didn't actually do it, but is this rape? Why was his rommmate so OK with this?

I am still so sore from him fingering me. I don't understand what happened, I don't know if he meant to do any of this, but it freaked me out.

How do I react to this? What do I do when/If I see him again...?

Should I do anything about this..?
i think that was defiantly close to rape, yes.
don't approach him or see him ever again,he sounds dangerous and i think your very lucky to have got out of that situation!. well done for saying no and not being pressured into anything.
he was under the influence of alcohol too but to be honest thats no excuse for his actions. i'm thinking you should tell somebody about this or mabye report it, it could be classed as rape or sexual assault. like i say,don't speak or see him again, if you see him just make sure you keep your distance, don't be alone, stick with friends.
your not alone in this, i really suggest you report it, but this is up to you.
   
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Re: Was I raped? - October 31st 2009, 08:17 PM

i think it's not rape as you didn't actually have sex.
but defiantly seems like abuse.. or something.
you should report it to someone... He could possible do it to more people
good luck
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Re: Was I raped? - October 31st 2009, 09:15 PM

So long as you had sex of some kind, not necessarily full-on intercourse, yes it is rape (although this changes a bit from area to area). I'd agree with the other posters, don't confront him alone, just in case - and try not to get yourself into situations like this!
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Re: Was I raped? - November 13th 2009, 01:03 AM

Hi ella,

In Australia this would be classified as sexual assault afaik. While it wasn't rape it was still a crime and he was definitely in the wrong, as soon as you let him know you didn't want to continue he should have stopped.
As posted above, the classification is slightly different depending one where abouts in the world you are, but the notion is the same.

I know this post is a week old but i realised you haven't received any real conclusive answers.

If you feel up to it i suggest confiding in a very close friend, parents (if you feel comfortable talking to them), or councellor. Often speaking about an issue with someone will help you to work out how you feel, even if they don't respond or have only a few things to say.

If you have any more questions or worries which you feel you aren't able to voice on here, you can PM me or ( i assume ) any of the super helpers/lime texts for support.

Again, i think it would be a good idea if you talked about it to a close friend or peer.

twk.


it's the beauty of confession

eviL.evoL



Last edited by twk.; November 13th 2009 at 01:04 AM. Reason: Spelling and Grammar.
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