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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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So many things. - November 11th 2009, 06:51 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

A few years ago, I had a friend who began by first massaging my back, arms, and legs, and each time his hands moved closer towards my pants. One day he finally stuck his hand in a little bit and I moved away. Every time I would move away and he would continue to do it. I never really said, "No." I was too scared. Even when I cried he would keep trying to touch me. I felt guilty telling my mom, but I finally did. Now and then I think about it and I can't help but feel guilty for ratting on him since he was my best friend, but at the same time I feel like he really was doing something wrong. The situation left me completely confused because now I can't stand when anyone touches me. My parents actually get angry when I stiffen up during hugs or a simple brush on the shoulder. I can't even imagine getting sexual with anyone, so now I'm also confused about my sexuality. I'm wondering if I'm asexual or if I'm just cautious because of my experience.

And since I began typing this, I realized how much the experience really matters to me. I always thought it was nothing until just a second ago I burst into tears.

Sorry, this may be confusing. I just want to hear other's opinions on the whole thing.

Last edited by Emily.; November 12th 2009 at 09:56 PM. Reason: added triggering prefix
   
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lostandalone Offline
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Re: So many things. - November 11th 2009, 12:59 PM

Hi

I belive the experiance left you cautous. Even though you did not actually say NO, it was obvious you did not want him touching you. He shouldd have stopped. You did right by telling your mum.

I hope this helps a little.
   
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Re: So many things. - November 11th 2009, 06:57 PM

You did a great thing of telling your mom.. What happened in your past could be whats effecting you now.. I would consider talking to a therapist, or your doctor.. They can be really helpful..

Keep your head up..
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Re: So many things. - November 12th 2009, 12:47 AM

Hey,

You were young and you were scared.. he was your best friend doing something you didn't like. No one should blame you for being scared. Erika's right - it doesn't matter whether or not you verbally said 'no,' because you didn't tell him 'yes' either, and either way your body language should have clearly told him you didn't want him to keep touching you. It's okay to feel guilty for talking to your mum, but Courtney, you shouldn't have had to stay silent. He hurt you, and it's okay to talk about that, no matter how close you two were. You didn't break his trust - he broke yours.

It sounds like your parents don't understand how he affected you, and that's not a completely uncommon reaction. What you need to do, though, is talk to them and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable to be touched. Help them to understand. Maybe think about going to see a counselor with your parents; talking as a family could help your parents learn how to make it easier for you to cope with what happened.

Healing doesn't have a time limit - everyone heals and recovers at their own pace. You don't have to rush to come to terms with what happened; you have all the time in the world. Like I said, counseling is something that could help you learn to cope. Talking about things out loud with someone can help you work through the confusion.

You're strong and brave for being able to reach out to your parents.. hang in there. Take good care of yourself.<3





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