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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Katniss♥ Offline
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My New Girlfriends Ex Boyfriend! Help! - November 12th 2009, 02:48 AM

She is the nicest girl and she's more a of butch girl, so she was made fun of alot before and when this guy fell for her, she felt loved. Well, I've had a crush on her forever, and after pulling her out of that relationship by force and her finally admiting she liked me, we got together. She then told me he had almost raped her. He got her pants down and tore her shirt. Nothing much more though. I still find it revolting... and I hate men who are so disgusting.

Well, being the protective person I am... I kicked the shit out of him. He was pretty big, I have afew bruises. But thats beside my point.

My girlfriend (Let's call her Rowan, from now on) dissapears for an hour almost every week, and I can be sure with evidence I've gathered that he's beating the shit out of her. She comes back to me with scars and bruises all over her body. Never her face.

My mother is gone for a week, so I'm staying home alone and my grandma checks in every couple hours to ensure my safeness (Ahh, family ). So, with this freedom, I'm having Rowan (The most amazing butch girlfriend EVER!) stay over with me. Her mom works really late and doesn't pay much attention to her and I hate leaving Rowan all alone.

We slept in the same bed and when she was changing there were healing gashes on her back. So, after seeing that, I beat the shit outa that guy again (this was about a week ago). Now he's in the hospital in a few broken ribs and fingers, but he's afraid to press charges because of his assults against Rowan.

I'm worried that he's going to keep hurting Rowan. I've tried talking to the cops, and they really don't care. They keep telling Rowan and myself that a teen fight once in awhile happens and it'll pass over time. (Stupid fucking cops). I told Rowan's parents, and they don't really give a shit. I tried telling my family, and they decided to sit on their asses.

What am I supposed to do about this fucker hurting my girlfriend? I need to ensure Rowan's safety. I won't be able to sleep at night knowing she's afraid.

Please help. Rowan can't do this alone. I'm her mind and body until she recovers from that bad relationship. I know if I don't find a way to keep him away from her, I'll end up killing this raping fucker.

Thanks for all the help!


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Bob Bryar, you may have quit My Chemical Romance. But the sounds of the drum at the end of Welcome To The Black Parade will echo through our hearts.

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Re: My New Girlfriends Ex Boyfriend! Help! - November 12th 2009, 04:18 AM

Hey there,

It's great that you want to help your girlfriend and keep her safe. I think that it is so important for her to have some form of support, even if there isn't much you can do to keep her safe yourself.

Does he keep hurting her because she goes to see him? I would reccomend talking to her first, perhaps try to convince her to stay away from him. Realize that this may not be easy for her; she loved him once, even as badly as he's hurt her. Keep that in mind when discussing the possibility of breaking off all ties.

Otherwise, I think that speaking with an adult would be the next step. This violence has to end. Is there anyone in your life that you could speak to about this, as her family is unresponsive? Your grandmother, mother, a teacher, a religious leader? Anyone that you feel cares and that you trust with this information will do. The important thing is that this information gets out there, so Rowan can get the help she needs.

Take care. If you ever need to talk about anything, feel free to PM me.


[/url]
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in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My New Girlfriends Ex Boyfriend! Help! - November 12th 2009, 09:54 PM

Hey there Hope. I think it's great that you care so much about your girlfriend. It sounds like she really needs your support right now.

I definitely agree with what Jessi had to say. The first step you should take is talking with Rowan. She does need to stay away from him, but sometimes it takes a bit of a push from the people who care about us to understand what's happening isn't right. I also think you should try and get Rowan to report him. Since she is the victim, she's the one that needs to file the charge/complaint. Hopefully if you can convince her to go, the cops will be more willing to help you with the situation. She could even file to get a restraining order.

If talking with Rowan doesn't work, you should go to an adult. She is in a dangerous situation and even though she might now like you involving other people, it's for her own good. No one deserves to be hurt like this.

I also think it would be good for Rowan to talk with a counselor. Healing from an abusive relationship can be really hard. Maybe you could try and talk her into seeing her school counselor. Another option would be an abuse center. A lot of communities have these, so that could be something to look into. They could help with counseling and the process of making sure Rowan is safe.

The last thing I want to add is take care of yourself, okay? I know you are trying to protect the person you love, but you are putting yourself in harms way to do that. You fighting with him the first time didn't stop what happened and it probably wont in the future either. Rowan needs your support, not for you to get yourself hurt. Plus, he could press charges against you and that could cause a whole other mess of problems for the two of you. Get yourself and Rowan some help, try not to resort to violence yourself.

I hope you're doing okay right now. PM me anytime.
<3 Emily


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but just being right where you are, who you are"

   
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Re: My New Girlfriends Ex Boyfriend! Help! - November 13th 2009, 01:12 AM

Hope.

I know you're angry at what he has done to your girlfriend, I think it may be worthwhile in talking to the abusive ex, letting him know that its not OK to be violent towards women (violence in general).

If you are still at school, it would be adviseable to ask Rowan to speak to a councellor if she feels comfortable with it, if not you can talk to a councellor also. Explain the situation.

While we understand why you feel the need for violence, its possible that you hurting the ex bf is just perpetuating the cycle, he takes it out on Rowan etc. Assault is also a crime, and even though he shouldn't have done what he did, you continuing to assault him is only going to end up winding you in trouble with the authorities (which is the Last thing Rowan needs I imagine).

While I also have been in a similar position where all you can think about is how much you hate the guy and want to bash him or whatever, you need to remember that doing so will only bring you down. Violence is not the final solution.

Please keep us updated,
twk.


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Last edited by twk.; November 13th 2009 at 01:13 AM. Reason: Spelling & Grammar
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Re: My New Girlfriends Ex Boyfriend! Help! - November 16th 2009, 08:14 AM

Beating up the guy and him doing the same to your girl friend would result in you both going to jail. There isn't much the cops could do if you were to have them take action except place you in cuffs and him. You need evidence, you already have the scars to prove it.

Violence doesn't fix anything, it makes matters worse.
Help her defend herself like you did against him.
A good warning and scare would do better then action.

Last edited by Candytwinkle; November 16th 2009 at 08:25 AM.
   
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