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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Ruined - November 22nd 2009, 11:48 PM

How do you get over it? How do you learn to make the memories of the past not be so hurtful? I ruined everything because of these memories I am having and I am just wondering how you get over things like abuse? I don't want it to ruin me anymore.

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Re: Ruined - November 23rd 2009, 12:44 AM

Hey Jenna,

First of all, you are not ruined. If anything, you are stronger for the things that you have been through. The fact that you survived abuse shows what an amazing, strong, brave person you are. I'm so proud of you for coming as far as you have.

Getting past abuse takes time; we all recover at our own speed. Don't try and push yourself to heal too quickly, as this will only make things more difficult in the long run. Let yourself feel how you naturally feel; cry it out, write about it. However, while sitting with these feelings is a huge part of recovery, it's also important not to dwell on them. Try to have "healing time" seperate from the rest of your life. Give yourself an hour or two each day to just cry, to mourn, to feel whatever it is you want to feel. Do your best to live your life despite what you are going through, but still give yourself time to feel it.

Is there anyone in your life that you have spoken to about the abuse? I know this can be such a scary step, but you must realize that you do NOT have to do this alone. You can have support, someone can help you carry the burden. You could talk to a close friend, a family member, a professor or a religious leader. The important thing is to have some sort of support system, no matter who it is.

Many also find counseling to be extremely helpful when combatting memories of abuse. Again, this is scary at first, but so worth it in the end. A professional counselor would be able to help you to get through this, help you accept what happened and move on from it as much as possible. Think about it.

Take care. If you ever want to talk about anything, feel free to PM me. I'm always more than happy to talk.

"For the first time
in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
but I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it,
but I'm gonna try
to get better and overcome each moment
in my own way"

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Re: Ruined - November 23rd 2009, 01:37 AM

i wish i had some answers for you, but i don't. i'm dealing with the same issue, and i don't know if we will ever get closure. but i'm here if you ever need to talk about things.

good luck hun, i'm really sorry for whatever you'll been though, if you ever learn how to get past these feelings, let me know!

I make mistakes, that's what I do.
I speak without thinking,
Act without knowing,
I drink so much I can barely walk,
I'm a fantastic lover though,
& amazing friend.
God knows I mean well.
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