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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
FriendZoneMayor Offline
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Unhappy nobody knows or cares... - November 24th 2009, 04:46 PM

This is something nobody knows about me. When I was younger (until 4th grade), I was homeschooled. My dad worked during the day, so my mom taught me and my older (by 3 years) brother while Dad was at work. All through my childhood, I was verbally abused, and even physically abused a couple times by my mom and brother. I keep hoping the pain will go away, but it doesn't. every single harsh word they've ever said to me is still in my mind, and it's driving me more and more crazy every day. The only escapes I've been able to find are writing and cutting, but I can't go on like this much longer. I tried to call my mom out on one of the occasions where she knocked me to the ground and started kicking me, but she just laughed. I've never forgiven her for that, but our relashionship is a lot better now. Still, I can't forget the harsh words she threw at me all those years, and how she just stood by and let my brother beat up on me as much as he wanted... I just can't handle this pain...


“I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help.” Harvey Milk, 1978

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: nobody knows or cares... - November 24th 2009, 09:49 PM

That must've been hard for you to be going through that at such a young age. Did you ever talk to your dad about how you mom treated you? Just because your mom doesn't listen to you doesn't mean no one cares. We care about you and I'm sure your friends care about you. Do you have a school counselor you can talk to? It always helps to let things out especially to another adult who can help you handle it. Remember, it wasn't your fault at all. Stay strong Summer.


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Re: nobody knows or cares... - November 24th 2009, 10:27 PM

Hey Summer/Bridget (both pretty names),

Believe it or not, 'time' isn't the only thing needed to mend bones and bruises. It helps, I'm not going to deny that, but it certainly isn't everything. Without the proper amount of attention and actions, memories and thoughts tend to run wild and often worsen. Living with the memories of what your mom and brother did has to be hard, and it's not something time will wipe away clean. I think it still needs to be dealt with and confronted, in a healthy manner. When we cut or harm ourselves to cope with a bad situation, we're hiding all our emotions inside. We're closing them off and physically hurting ourselves in the process. I know you know it's not healthy. Those thoughts and emotions, no matter hard strong or hard to handle, need to come out. They do come out, whether you're wanting them to or not, but in a negative way (cutting).

You can take control of them though and use them as a way to heal. For every bad emotion/memory you have inside, there is a positive action or thought that can come with it. Even it it's simply admitting that you feel angry or hurt or neglected, in time, this will help. It will help you vent and admit the truth. You, above everyone else, should be honest with yourself. And, in my eyes, cutting is simply hiding up the things that might be too hard to feel right now. Which is okay. You don't need to take everything on at once, but you shouldn't bottle it up inside you either. You're an amazing person and deserve an amazing life to follow. You can always get one step closer by properly dealing with the past and how it affects your present life. How you want to do this is in your own hands. You might want to start by contemplating everything in your mind and writing it down. You might even want to try not cutting. My suggestion would be to seek a professional counselor. That person can help you with your feelings that might be overwhelming you. He/she might also be able to help you get up the courage to talk to your mom about the past too.

It's okay to be angry with your mom or hurt, but these things, when kept inside, only allows everything to become built up on your shoulders, when, in reality, they might be able to be solved. You deserve to feel the relief that comes with a conclusion to a feeling or problem. Pain is apart of life and we all must endure it in some form. It helps up grow. However, when dealt with in a improper fashion, it can turn from a learning experience to something negative. I find a lot of people do that. It's never too late to fix things though. It's never too late to start getting over things and healing. You deserve to give yourself a chance to heal. : ) If you need anything at all, don't be shy to PM me or track me down somewhere on TH. We're all here for you.

Take care,
-Melissa


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: nobody knows or cares... - November 25th 2009, 04:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyComplex View Post
Hey Summer/Bridget (both pretty names),

Believe it or not, 'time' isn't the only thing needed to mend bones and bruises. It helps, I'm not going to deny that, but it certainly isn't everything. Without the proper amount of attention and actions, memories and thoughts tend to run wild and often worsen. Living with the memories of what your mom and brother did has to be hard, and it's not something time will wipe away clean. I think it still needs to be dealt with and confronted, in a healthy manner. When we cut or harm ourselves to cope with a bad situation, we're hiding all our emotions inside. We're closing them off and physically hurting ourselves in the process. I know you know it's not healthy. Those thoughts and emotions, no matter hard strong or hard to handle, need to come out. They do come out, whether you're wanting them to or not, but in a negative way (cutting).

You can take control of them though and use them as a way to heal. For every bad emotion/memory you have inside, there is a positive action or thought that can come with it. Even it it's simply admitting that you feel angry or hurt or neglected, in time, this will help. It will help you vent and admit the truth. You, above everyone else, should be honest with yourself. And, in my eyes, cutting is simply hiding up the things that might be too hard to feel right now. Which is okay. You don't need to take everything on at once, but you shouldn't bottle it up inside you either. You're an amazing person and deserve an amazing life to follow. You can always get one step closer by properly dealing with the past and how it affects your present life. How you want to do this is in your own hands. You might want to start by contemplating everything in your mind and writing it down. You might even want to try not cutting. My suggestion would be to seek a professional counselor. That person can help you with your feelings that might be overwhelming you. He/she might also be able to help you get up the courage to talk to your mom about the past too.

It's okay to be angry with your mom or hurt, but these things, when kept inside, only allows everything to become built up on your shoulders, when, in reality, they might be able to be solved. You deserve to feel the relief that comes with a conclusion to a feeling or problem. Pain is apart of life and we all must endure it in some form. It helps up grow. However, when dealt with in a improper fashion, it can turn from a learning experience to something negative. I find a lot of people do that. It's never too late to fix things though. It's never too late to start getting over things and healing. You deserve to give yourself a chance to heal. : ) If you need anything at all, don't be shy to PM me or track me down somewhere on TH. We're all here for you.

Take care,
-Melissa
Couldn't have said it better myself. And just remember... Cutting is a only a temporary solution to your problem. You'll feel better for a little bit, but afterwards you'll only feel worse than you did before.
   
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