Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
dear diary Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
dear diary's Avatar
Name: Lucy
Gender: Female

Posts: 43
Join Date: November 21st 2009

ryan...again.. - November 27th 2009, 10:58 PM

so i saw him. i rarely ever see him, but when i do. it feels like someone punches me right in the chest, stopping me dead the min i see him. we were at a veiwing, a mutual friend's veiwing, i wasn't thinking clearing and totally forgot he would prollllly be there. it just caught me off gaurd. my brother went to go talk to him and i just stood there in the middle of the side walk dead in my tracks like an idiot. i can't move, just stand there and stare at him. my heart started beating so fast, but it felt like i wasn't even breathing. i had butterflies in my stomach like i was almost excited to see him. it made me even more upset. i shouldn't be excited to see him. yet i couldn't stop staring at him, and he kept staring at me. when ever his girlfriend had her back to us he would turn around and stare at me. we would just lock eyes and stare at each other from across the lawn. just staring into his eyes brought back all the memories and i was caught up between wanting to hug him or push him off the porch railing that he was sitting on. i just didn't expect to see him. his eyes, idk it was just so werid. i almost didn't want to leave. i just wanted to keep looking at him. ugh it makes me so sick that he hurt me soo much yet here i am thinking about him when i have an amazing boyfriend. i'm a shitty girl, my boyfriend deserves so much better. bleh.

I make mistakes, that's what I do.
I speak without thinking,
Act without knowing,
I drink so much I can barely walk,
I'm a fantastic lover though,
& amazing friend.
God knows I mean well.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
taste the sky
Experienced TeenHelper
Emily.'s Avatar
Name: Emily
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: middle of nowhere

Posts: 689
Join Date: February 3rd 2009

Re: ryan...again.. - December 11th 2009, 03:45 AM

Hey there Lucy. Sorry you haven't received any replies yet. Sometimes posts get pushed down the line and lost a bit. If that ever happens again please don't hesitate to send me a pm. I don't want you to feel like you ever have to go through any of this alone.

As for how seeing him made you feel, it is perfectly okay. There were good parts to your relationship and it's okay to remember those times. It's normal to want those good things back. Don't be too hard on yourself.

It does not make you sick at all to feel this way. I have a lot of good memories with my abuser too and while I hate what he did, there were still good time that I miss. It's okay to feel this way. And this does not in any way make you a bad girlfriend, not at all.

Have you ever thought about trying therapy at all? Sometimes it can really help you work through all the memories of an abusive relationship. It can also help to just have someone to talk to.

I hope you're doing okay right now. You can PM me anytime.
<3 Emily

"Sometimes it's a struggle to be not who you want to be, not who you used to be, not who you're going to be,
but just being right where you are, who you are"

Closed Thread



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.