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Felicia Offline
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Name: Felicia
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How can I trust again? - December 17th 2009, 11:27 PM

I'm new, so if this needs to be moved, sorry.

When I was around the age of 6, I was best friends with my cousin who is around 5 years older than me. He was the only guy I've ever been really close to - he was like a brother, we grew up together. Around that time he also sexually abused me, I didn't know as I had no clue what that was at the time - the only time I knew what he was doing was wrong was when my mom found out and told me. Being homeschooled, I didn't have many other friends so I was absolutely heartbroken. Since he was so young at the time it wasn't really considered pedophilia then, but he has repeated the offense against others since then.

A while after that happened, I was finally getting better - I thought I could trust again, I was doing really well. But I guess that couldn't last.

When I was around 11/12 my mom's step-dad would watch over my sister and I while my parents were gone. It was alright for a while, but then he started sexually harassing me. I felt violated, scared, and pretty much all negative feelings I can think of. I was too scared to tell anyone because at the time my mother was already having enough problems with her side of the family and I was afraid it would cause her depression or something like that so I never did anything. Eventually, I screamed at him and he stopped, but I only told my parents about it a few months ago.

He was another person I trusted, because I grew up around him and he seemed just like a normal grandfather would, but now, the mere thought of him makes me want to cry. Because of this, all the memories of my cousin came back, as well as many trust issues.

I find it hard to trust any guys, even my guy friends and the thought of any type of sexual relationship with a guy terrifies me. I don't know what to do, when a guy touches me on my shoulders, even, I freeze up and get all anxious. I know this isn't healthy, but I can't help it. I don't know how to trust a guy anymore, and I don't know what to do about it.


May 6th 2009 = <3
RIP MJ. <///3
   
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Casey. Offline
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Re: How can I trust again? - December 18th 2009, 04:23 AM

Hey Felicia,

You totally posted in the right place, so don't worry.

Anyways, as for trusting, well it takes a long time to trust after being hurt. However, if you work toward being comfortable around men first, trusting them won't be that much harder.

I know what it is like to flinch away from someone touching you. It's really hard to stop that, to condition yourself to let someone touch you, even just your shoulder. But it can be done. Try, when one of your friends touches your shoulder, to tell yourself that it's okay and that he will not hurt you. After awhile it does work, it just takes time.

As for sexual relations, well give it time. Don't rush into anything. Just wait until you are ready and comfortable. Eventually it won't scare you as much, but you do have to give yourself time.

I won't tell you it gets easier, because it really doesn't. The processes of getting there, get easier, but trusting in itself, does not get easier. It's hard to forget your path, to move on from it, and it is understandable that guys still scare you. They still scare me too.

If you do need anyone to talk to, or even help figuring out the forums, feel free to pm me.


She whispered to her own reflection "I will be strong."

"I am not what has happened to me.I am what I have chosen to become."- Carl Jung

"If ye harm none, do as ye wish."

Sometimes things just happen.


Smile through the tears.


PM me

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