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The Kira Offline
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Exclamation I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!! - December 21st 2009, 06:23 PM

One of my very friends Sammie is constantly abused by her family. Her grandparents to be exact. Her mom is very sick and she always sleeps unles she is eating. So she can't protect her. Her grandmother beats her and her grandfather says hatefull things to her and she is just so beaten down and all... I can't stand to see her like that. She dosn't want to upset her mom, so she just tells me.

She used to be friends with everyone, now she only talks to me and our other best friend. She just breaks down and cries in the middle of class sometmes. She dosn't do any schoolwork AT ALL!!! I am just so heartbroken to see her like that. Some time ago i yelled at her and told her to get together and start doing some wor because her family can't afford collage and she has an amazing brain! She dosn't do anything, so she got kicked out of collage prep class...

Any advice would be good
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Re: I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!! - December 21st 2009, 10:05 PM

First off, it's amazing that you care enough about your friend to help her out like this.
What I would do is this: call Kids Help Phone. The number is easy to find online--just type in Kids Help Phone in Google and call them. Next, alert the authorities (this could be anyone: teachers, pastors, parents) and keep telling people UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS. This is very important!
Also, get your friend to keep a written record of every incident (beating, cruel words) so that she can show it to the proper people.
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Re: I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!! - December 23rd 2009, 12:01 AM


Situations like this are never easy. It's not easy for you, and certainly not your friend. Coping with something like this is difficult while it's still occurring. Not only that, but school and other things don't seem as important when you're going home to something so unstable. You are a very caring friend for wanting to help, but understand that it's not easy for anyone involved. Helping her might not be the easiest thing either. One of the best things to do is to listen. You don't always need to give her advice, because advice is hard to give without being able to comprehend how she feels. But you can be a shoulder and you can support her decisions and be someone she can run to when her home isn't safe. So try and remind her everything will be okay, but don't be too forceful when it comes to trying to get her to work. Right now, I think it's about putting the most important thing first, her safety.

The next time you see your friend, I would consider trying to get her to come forward to a guidance counselor or someone in a higher position of authority. Someone who could do something to help. This can be a teacher, an officer, someone in a hospital. Even your parents. You're both young and so something this serious needs to be taken care of in a better way than allowing it to continue. I realize this seems like a lot of responsibility, but I think your friend needs to understand the seriousness of her situation and the solutions that are available. Because this is NOT a hopeless problem. There are solutions and things can get better. It's just a matter of taking the first couple of scary steps to seek a better future. She doesn't need to tell anyone alone, you can offer to be there as support (if you're comfortable). Just remember to only offer to do as much as you can handle too. I wouldn't tell anyone behind your friends back until you have told her and given her a chance to come forward first. If you feel this is life threatening, and she refuses to get help, it might be best to tell your parents or someone you trust in order to help. I realize how that might make you feel, but it's better to have your friend safe than continuing on this spiral downward.

Take your time to think about this and don't forget that there are people here to help and there is a solution. You never need to sit and watch a friend hurt. Things can be done and you're off to a very good start. If you need anything, I'm only a PM away.

Take care,

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Re: I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!! - December 23rd 2009, 12:55 AM

Hi Kira,
I've been in the same situation. When I was 13 & 14 my friends family was incredibly neglectful and sometimes physically abusive. Her mom would leave her for weeks at a time with no notice and just a couple hundred dollar bills, and when cash would run out she wouldn't eat. their phone lines got cut, and because they were planning to move but then their plans fell through the nice suburban house was nearly empty. no fruniture. matress on the ground etc. And when her mom was home sometimes her mom would get drunk and scream and hit my friend. It was so hard to see my friend being treated so horribly. My friends and I considered notifying our state's department of youth and family services but we decided that she was old enough to make her own decisions, and she didn't want to be in foster care, so the call wasn't made. She got bounced around alot to various relatives, and her life has been tough, but from what friends in foster care have told me it can be really tough living in the system, especially because it can be hard to place teenagers with families, and many group homes are less than ideal living situations. If you were worried about a little kid, this would be a totally different story. But I think that people who are treated so horribly feel like they have no control over their lives, and when you swoop in and force them to make changes (even when you think it would be for the better) it can make them feel even worse more out of control. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. And i think that if your friends life isnt in danger the best you can do is be supportive, and share your ideas without giving her ultimatums (if you dont tell a teacher i won't talk to you!, etc.) if you're worried that your friend may be depressed you could tell a school counselor you're concerned about your friend, but I suggest not telling the school counselor about the abuse unless your friend okays it or you are afraid your friend is in life threatening danger.
just my advice.

i know this is really really hard to go through as a friend, and remember to take care of yourself, and that you are doing the best you can.


When the patient's body has betrayed them,
and all the sciencewe have to offer has failed them,
when worst-case scenario comes true,
clinging to hope is all we've got left.

Last edited by Crescendo; December 23rd 2009 at 12:57 AM. Reason: needed to clarify something
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Re: I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!! - December 23rd 2009, 11:45 PM

I know that the right thing would be to contact the athorities and all, but like I said, she dosn't want to "cause trouble".
But is there anything I can do to help her abuse problem?
I talked to my mom and she said that Sam could stay over our place till her mom is better and she would talk to the grandparents and i told this to Sam, but she cried and said that her grandparents would kill her if they knew she told someone about the abuse in there home.
The 2 of us just feel so lost. And i could never leave sam's side until it all gets better and I just wish i could DO something...
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