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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Nicholaa Offline
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He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 10th 2010, 10:13 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi everyone..

I haven't been on because I ran away. I just needed to get away from my dad and I really needed to see Jaxon..

My dad moved back in basically. My mom said he wants to try to be a family again and will get help..the night I ran away my mom wasn't home..she works nights..and my sister was also at work and my brother had been staying at a friends house..so it was just my dad and baby brother at home...I've been just staying away from him..but that night he came into my room. I online talking to a friend when he came up. He put his hands on my shoulder and was trying to be all nice but I didn't want to talk to him..I told him not to touch me..he spun me around in my chair and put his hands on my bare upper legs (i had shorts on) and said "Why not? I'm not your father remember?" (I keep saying he isn't my father anymore) and he started to move his hands higher and higher and I tried to get up but he grabbed me really hard on the legs and started squeezing..it hurt really bad and I started to cry and told him to stop. He told me I had to start being nice to him or he would have to punish me. I just nodded. He tried to kiss my lips but I turned my head and he grabbed me by my hair and pulled it and said "Be a good girl for daddy" and kissed my cheek. He left the room after that. I felt so disgusting. I hate him. I had to leave. I felt bad leaving my lil brother but I just freaked out and packed my bookbag...I stole money from my mom's drawer and I left. I snuck in Jaxon's rom thru his window and slept in the closet until morning..I went to the trian station and got a ticket to see Jaxon at his rehab center..

It was so good to see him. He has changed alot already! He put on some weight which is good because he started getting deathly skinny from all the drugs...he doesn't have bags under his eyes anymore..he looks good! I didn't tell him about what my dad did, I didn't want to ruin our time together. I didn't have anymore money to get home and I didn't really wanna go home but I didn't have money for a hotel room either. My mom keep calling my cell phone freaking out and I kinda felt bad for making her worry so I called her back and told her where I was...she freaked out on me..was pretty mad and came and got me...

When we got home my dad was waiting in the living room...he told my mom he would talk to me...He started yelling saying "Do you know how worried your mother and I were, we got the cops involved!" but once she my mom left the room to shower for work he grabbed me by my hair and jerked my head back..he did it so fast I didn't have enough time to try to dodge him. He said "I'd love to slap you right in the face for what you pulled but you know damn well I can't leave any marks on you." He just kept pulling my hair harder and harder and I yelled "Mom" and he covered my mouth and said in my ear "I've warned you little bitch. Don't make me hurt you.Are do you like it when daddy gets rough?" And he kissed my ear and I started to cry and asked him to please stop and he let me go but he flung me foreward by my hair so I fell on the floor and slammed the side of my head off the coffee table. He just walked away and left me laying there crying. I got up and ran upstairs...

I've been being really good so he won't have any reason to hurt me. I'm too scared to tell my mom because I don't know what will happen..what if she doesn't believe me or just stays with him..I can't take that risk..I don't know who this man is anymore..he isn't my father...he is a monster..I don't know what he is capable of and I don't want to find out. I just had to get this all out...I haven't told anyone and it's just too much for me to handle alone..

Last edited by Casey.; January 10th 2010 at 10:34 PM. Reason: Marked as triggering.
   
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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 11th 2010, 04:56 AM

Nichola,

You need to tell someone.School counselor, your mum, a friend's parent, but you need to tell someone. If you tell someone, he won't be able to hurt you anymore. Even calling a hotline, or talking to cps or child's aid will help. You don't deserve to be treated like that, no one does.

Talk to your mum. There must of been a reason she made him leave in the first place. Let her know he is hurting you. If you can't do it for your sake, do it for your brother's. What's to stop him from hurting your brother next? Talk to her, she can't help if she doesn't know. Let her know why you ran away.

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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 12th 2010, 03:34 PM

Hey there Nicolaa. It sounds like you are not safe at home at all and you deserve to be. What your dad is doing is wrong and I hope you know that it's not your fault.

I definitely agree with what Casey has to say. You really should tell someone what's going on.

Is there an adult you trust? Maybe a teacher or your school counselor or even your mom if you think she would do something about it. I know it's scary to tell, but you really do deserve to be safe in your own home. Depending on which country you're in, you could always make an anonymous report through something like child protective services. This way you can get the help you deserve, but your dad will never know that you made the report. If you want to give that a try you can always PM me and I will direct you towards some numbers to call.

I hope you're doing okay right now. Keep yourself safe.
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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 12th 2010, 05:36 PM

Hey. Ouch that seemed really rough, you can ring the police and say you want him taken away with a restraining order. Im not sure if you would need any proof, but if he has a restraining order he cant go near you, it's illegal.
But you really do need to tell someone, if it is a school counsellor they may tell your parents because your life could be at risk here.
   
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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 12th 2010, 05:41 PM

Hey There, I remember writing to you when your Dad first came back, and reading this has really shocked me.

What he has done / is doing to is wrong, and it is NOT your fault. Like both Casey and Emily have said above me, you need to talk to someone. If you feel you can't just start up a conversation with someone then maybe write a little note saying 'I really need a chat with you in private some time'. I know how scary it sounds, but you don't deserve to be treated like this. There are so many people out there that care about you!

Your Mum for one, was obviously really worried when you left, and she obviously loves you a lot. It seems you love and trust her too, considering you to called her back and returned to your home :] If she found out what had/has been going on, I'm sure she will believe you!!

Certainly by telling someone like a Teacher or Councillor or Doctor then there is no way that your Dad will be able to hurt you because ' you've told ', they will make sure that you have the best protection available to you, and I'm sure your Mum would organise the same protection.

Please find yourself someone to help, I can't bear you to carry on going through this alone. Do it for yourself, for your Mum, for your brother and for Jaxon - he'd want you to be safe x

Take Care, and feel free to contact me.
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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 13th 2010, 05:46 AM

Hey there,

I agree with everything everyone is saying. I know it is scary but you do not deserve this treatment and telling someone is probably going to be the only safe way to get away from him.

I think it sounds like your mom would be really understanding of what is going on and try to protect you but I can understand your concerns about telling her. So, I was wondering if maybe you could go to your school counselor and say " I need to talk to you about something but I want my mom here as well." I think they would be willing to do that. And, it might make you feel better because you will have an objective person there to help you and listen to you when you open up about what is happening.

Remember there are a lot of people out in the world that want to help you and see you get into a safe environment so please tell.

And, please remember that you do not deserve this at all.

If you ever need anything please feel free to pm me.

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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 15th 2010, 02:58 AM

Your mom is a fool for letting him back in the house. Put a camera on your computer or a microphone mp3 player in your pocket record his ass and send it to the police. He'll be in jail before you know it.
   
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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 15th 2010, 11:35 PM

I just finished reading this, I am shocked that a father would do this to his own child. No, you're right, a father does not do something like that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
You have to tell your mother about this, tell the Police. He can't hurt you anymore if he is put behind bars. He needs to be away from you, so he can't you anymore. I can't blame you for running away, and I probably would have done the same thing in your situation. Just in case, put a camera in your room, or a recorder, so you can catch im on tape and have the evidence to file into the Police and show to your mother if they don't believe you. Then he'll be behind bars where he belongs.
   
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Re: He will hurt me worst if I tell.. - January 16th 2010, 01:10 AM

Wow. I'm truly shocked right now. This is terrible that that's happening to you. I understand that you think he may hurt you worse if you tell somebody, but you need to. HONESTLY, I wouldn't tell your mother. She may not believe you, and she'd ask him and he'd deny it, and... yeah. I wouldn't do that. I definitly think you need to tell somebody. You NEED to. He can't hurt you anymore then. You don't deserve to be treated like that. If you want to talk, I'm always here. xx


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