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Mixtape91 Offline
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Question Restraining Order - January 12th 2010, 11:33 AM

I wanna get a restraining order against my best friends ex. I used to have a close relationsip with him(he and my BF are both 4 years older then me & he helped me after i was sexually assulted 3 yrs ago until last year when he confronted the guy who hurt me which resulted in him coming back not believing me.

He harrased me until he stopped talking to me altogether. My BF cheated on him (which i wouldnt even call it cheating) but he went off the handle & blames her & threatens her & continues to extensively verbally abuse her. Sadly, she refuses to do anything about it. Now hes back in my life & is throwing the past in my face, harrasing me, & telling me he's gonna get back at me (and my bf) for hurting & betraying him.

Back when we were all close he would playfully (in order to "set me straight" and teach me "morals") jokingly hit me or try to fight me - it was all fun & games then but resuled in many many brusis. Hes a very violent guy who been sent to jail for throwing a chair through a window & has even been court ordered to Anger Management.

My bf was scared he would come over to her house so she was going to spend the night with me (both are parents have no cluse about whats been going on). We were in my room when he comes in thru the back door uninvited into my house. I told him he was not welcome & to leave. He wouldnt go & didnt leave until my bf left with him (I tried stoping her but it did no good).

Would his threats and harrasment be ellgible for a restraining order? Because I don't even know if I should even try. He says he has a plan and that i'm going to love how its going to "end".

If I do get one I know they'll be a hearing & he could (and would) through my past back at me talking about what happened and about my old illigal habbits (I used to abuse substances - nothing hard core, but still). Could I get in trouble for my past? Or for the Illigal stuff I used to be involved in?

Any insight or advice would be helpful


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Re: Restraining Order - January 12th 2010, 03:21 PM

Hey there Hannah. It sounds like this guy is putting you in a tough situation. It's really good that you are considering doing something about this though. You deserve to feel safe.

I definitely think a restraining order sounds like a good idea. I don't know a whole lot about the process, but if you went to your local courthouse or police station they would be able to answer your questions for you.

And I really don't think you have much to worry about with the past substance abuse. If you have been done with that for awhile and the only evidence against you was what he had to say, I can't see how they would be able to ever prosecute you.

I also think it would be a really good idea to tell your parents and your best friend's parents what is going on. You deserve support through all of this and hopefully they will be able to help you through the process of getting the restraining order and making you safe.

I hope you are doing okay right now. Be safe and feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk.
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Re: Restraining Order - January 12th 2010, 05:45 PM

Hey, Hannah. I'm really sorry to hear about this situation. I'm glad you're trying to take care of yourself, though. Now, threats and harassment aren't enough to get a restraining order against this guy. The only way you can get a restraining order is if you can prove that he has physically harmed you in the past, or that you are currently in danger of him physically harming you.

I would strongly suggest letting both your parents and your friend's parents know the whole story. If you're going to try to get a restraining order, you need to gather up as much evidence as possible. Your parents' and your friend's testimonies would be really helpful. Start recording any threats or incidents in a journal.

A few more things to consider: One, there is definitely a chance that this guy will try to throw your past in your face. It would be despicable and underhanded of him, but it may happen. The good thing is that you can emotionally prepare yourself for it. And I highly doubt that you would get in any kind of legal trouble for your past substance abuse, but it could work against you if it came out. Also, please keep in mind that restraining orders do not guarantee your safety. There is still every chance that he could violate the restraining order without a second thought.

I hope this helps, and I hope you can figure out the best way to stay safe. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to PM me!


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Re: Restraining Order - January 12th 2010, 09:04 PM

Hey Hannah,

Your best bet is to go to your police department, and talk to them. I think you can get a restraining order if he has a violent record, has threatened violence toward you and your friend, and if you tell them that you are scared of what he might do. This site has some more in depth information on restraining orders, although it focuses on domestic disputes, the information still applies to your case.

Talk to your parents. Let them know what's going on, that way they won't let him in the house, and they can help you, especially if you have to go to court.

If you need anything, don't hesitate to pm me.


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Re: Restraining Order - January 13th 2010, 05:33 AM

Hannah,

I am sorry that you have to deal with this. I know it must be very very difficult but I want you to know that you won't have to deal with this forever.

Now, the first thing I think you should do (as long as you feel it is safe) is go to your parents and tell them what is going on. As hard as it might be to talk to your parents about this and ask them for help it could be for the best because they can give you the support and love that you will need at this time.

Next, I think that getting your friends parents involved (as long as it would be safe for her). The thing is that your friend seems to be putting herself into a very dangerous situation and right now she might need her parents to help her avoid certain things.

Lastly, I think going to the police and making a report would be really good. It might not result in a restraining order right away (it could I am not sure how it works exactly) but it could help you to start the process.

Please hang in there and if you ever need to chat feel free to pm me.

Jenna


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