How am i suppose to know that its true?

[Palmolive]

Mum says she was abused by her dad when she was younger which is why we havnt had contact with them in like 14 years, although i secretly did contact her mum before chritstmas and she rang me.

Anyhow, she had three breaks down because of it, and then it led to my sister having issues, then i ended up in the same place.

But how do i know shes not lying? This probaly sounds awful to you guys, but there's no proof there, is there? I mean, she says her family fall out with her because there was no need for my mum to tell the truth. But i i mean, if you're dad or you're husband was doing this to you're sister or you're daugther, wouldnt you stick up for her rather than him?

As far as im aware of, he has admitted its true to them, but this is only from what my mum has said.

I mean i do believe her. 100%. But at times, i cant help wonder, what if its all just lies?

[Nostalgia]

jessie my dad abuses me - and at times my mum does tell me 'just stop annoying him' she will also sometimes just ignore it and pretend its not happening. sometimes well what i have found with my mum and my dad is that when my dad goes off on one at me my mum would much rather ignore it and pretend everything is fine in our family rather than stand up for me, because when she stands up for me my dad yells at her and tells her that should not stand up for me. so sometimes i think its easier for my mum to just pretend it not happening rather than her get involved as then my dad yells at my mum as well.

[Emily.]

Hey there Jessie.

I guess there really is no good way to answer your question. There is no way to ever know for sure what the truth is. It comes down to whether you believe your mom or not.

Sometimes people do lie about abuse, but more often they are telling the truth. And it's not uncommon for family members to side with an abuser. Not at all actually. People have a really hard time believing their loved ones are capable of such crimes. They choose to ignore what's going on because it's easier than addressing the problem.

It's okay if you want to talk to your family. There is nothing wrong with that, but if your grandfather was abusive, those who chose to side with him won't give you straight answers either.

I guess the only thing I can add is that why would your mom lie about this? Does she gain anything from admitting she was the victim of abuse? Just something to think about. There are people out there who lie for attention or just can't help that they lie, but I think the majority of victims/people tell the truth on this subject.

You have to decide who you want to believe. It's a personal choice no one can make for you.

I hope you are doing okay right now.
<3 Emily

[Imaginary]

Very, very, very, VERY few people lie about abuse. Your mother was extremely brave telling anyone about it, because, like she experienced, not everyone sides with or believes the victim/survivor. Parents are capable of abusing their kids; as such, they are capable of ignoring their cries.

[losing touch.]

Originally Posted by Imaginary

Very, very, very, VERY few people lie about abuse. Your mother was extremely brave telling anyone about it, because, like she experienced, not everyone sides with or believes the victim/survivor. Parents are capable of abusing their kids; as such, they are capable of ignoring their cries.

how do you know that though?.. i've known a few people who have lied about abuse.. and later people either found out it wasn't true or they admitted that they made it up. some people do, more people than you'd think probably.

anyway.. jessica, there is no way of knowing for sure that happened all those years ago and all you have to go on is what your mum tells you. i can understand why you're thinking like this - don't feel bad for having a doubt in your mind, because it's only normal. i think i'd treat it like this - believe your mum until you're given reason not to believe her.

[Magical Forest.]

I guess you just have to have faith in your mum that she's telling you the truth. Something must have happened for her to have those breakdowns, mustn't there?
It's hard for a family when someone has been abused, and it can be so confusing for everyone around, not knowing what to believe, or even wishing that they wouldn't believe it.
x

[Jacksonian]

Your mother has had 3 break downs because of this issue. That is enough to suggest that she was somehow traumatized by something. You were there when she had the breakdowns. Were they genuine ? Did they seem real ? If so then there is your answer. Something happened and it is enough to bring back some serious emotional distress.

If the breakdowns were not genuine, then perhaps she has her own reasons for doing what she does. If you want you can talk to her. But if those breakdowns were genuine, it is in your mother's best interest to follow her suggestions not to contact her parents as you are hurting her by contacting them.

[Imaginary]

Originally Posted by Elle.

how do you know that though?.. i've known a few people who have lied about abuse.. and later people either found out it wasn't true or they admitted that they made it up. some people do, more people than you'd think probably.

How did they find out it wasn't true? Some people do pretend that it didn't happen simply because of all the stigma around rape.

Seriously, the highest estimate of false rape accusations I've ever read (these are from people who support rape and rapists and think that all womin are liars), is 1%. That means according to them, 99% of people who claim they were raped, actually were. It's pretty unlikely that your mother would keep up that charade if she was lying. Breakdowns are horrible, and aren't that easy to fake either (takes acting experience to pull it off successfully, and even then, what would be the motivation for doing so?).