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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Exclamation I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 26th 2010, 10:02 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I should have listened to all of my friends when they told me the guy I was dating was kind of strange.

You see, I've been dating this guy Ryan for the past 2 months or so...we go on dates a lot, and I at first thought he was the sweetest, kindest, cutest guy on the planet. I liked him so, so much.

On our first date he asked if he could hold my hand, on the second he asked if he could kiss me...I was so flattered that he thought of my feelings first. Even on our third date, when he was driving me home, he asked me if I wanted to go to his place to have sex with him. I obviously said no, but I was still glad that he asked me nicely. He proceeded to ask me if I wanted to have sex after every date. I kept saying no.

But then the sixth (or seventh?) date came along. When he was driving me home, it went down kind of like this:

Him-Hey, do you wanna come over to my house and have sex?
Me-No, sorry hon. I don't want to have sex until I'm one-hundred percent in love or until I'm married.
Him-Don't you love me?
Me-Oh...well, I like you a lot, but I don't think I'm in love with you yet...we've only been dating for a few weeks, and...
Him-JESUS!!!! (he turns the car around and starts driving really fast)
Me-Huh? What are you doing Ryan?
(He doesn't answer and drives to the junk yard, where no body lives or works within like 8 miles of the place)
Me-Why are we here, Ry?
Him-URG!!! Shut UP!!!
Me-What's wrong with you?!
Him-What's with YOU?! You F%$ING TEASE! Get in the back seat. NOW!
Me-No! Ryan, why are you being like this?!
Him-I said GET IN THE BACK SEAT!

And he proceeds to open my side door, push me out, and pull me by my hair into the back seat.

Then he grabs my boobs. When I push him away, he grabs my wrist and stares at me with blank, cynical eyes. And he says "Shut up, stop resisting, and I won't hurt you."

He undressed me, fondled me, raped me, made me masturbate while he watched, and raped me again. I was crying the whole time.

Then he took me home and told me that I was going to go out with him as long as he wanted me and we would have sex after every date. He said if I told anyone, he'd hurt me or someone I love.

So I did what I was told because I don't want him to hurt me or anyone else. My parents seem to think I'm in love with him.

But I hate him with every fiber of my being and he's hurt me and raped me over and over. I pray to the Lord every day that he doesn't give me some horrible disease or kill me after he's done with me forever.

I know I wasn't suppose to tell anyone, but we've gone out almost every other day since the first time he raped me and I can't take it anymore. I needed to tell you guys, because I can trust you...I just hope he doesn't find this.

Please someone help me.

Last edited by Nope; February 26th 2010 at 10:07 PM.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 12:01 AM

I know its really hard and unconfortable, but u need to do something.
Tell a person u really trust (sibilings, cousins, friends) and ask them to go to the nearest police station and make a report.
I think they will have u make some exames and will prolly go after him.
This guy needs to be arrested.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 01:16 AM

Hey Audrey,

I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you, to reach out and tell us about this. It takes an incredible amount of strength and courage to speak out when you've been hurt like this, and I'm really proud of you for taking this step. You're doing an amazing job so far, just hang in there.

He said if you told, he'd hurt the people you care about. Often people make threats they don't necessarily have the power to follow up on. Sometimes it's for control - it's a way to hold power over you. Other times, it's out of fear. If you tell someone, though - such as the police - there are ways of keeping you and your loved ones safe. Audrey, don't let him keep holding this power of you. This is YOUR life. Not his. Don't let him take control like this.

Mistakes happen - a lot of guys pretend to be sweet, caring etc, but after a while show their true side. What you have to keep in mind is that the guy you're with now is not the same guy you liked when you first started dating. That guy may not have even existed - the sweet one. This guy you're with, he's not good for you. At all. You deserve someone who's going to treat you well and respect you when you say you don't want to do something, or that you're uncomfortable doing it. You deserve so, so much better.

Like I said before, I strongly encourage you to speak with someone about this. You've taken a HUGE step by reaching out to us here - now it's time to talk to someone in your real life. Print out what you've told us if you're nervous talking about it in person. Show it to a teacher, a school guidance counselor, your parents, a school resource officer (if your school has one), the police - anyone you trust. Just tell someone, Audrey. And make sure you don't leave anything out, tell them you've been threatened and your'e afraid he'll come after you. Again, there are ways to keep you safe.

In the meantime, make sure you're never alone. When you're with him, always have at least one friend and a cell phone with you. Keep yourself as safe as possible.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you - coping after rape is by no means an easy task. But you've been so strong so far, you're hanging in there, just keep holding on. You can be safe again, you can get things back on track.. just keep yourself safe, okay? I'm here if you want to talk about anything. Take really good care of yourself. x



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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 01:43 AM

Thank you. It's been really hard for me because I feel like it's my fault for not listening to my friends. They could see his evil side--I couldn't.

I'm going to tell my ice skating coach tomorrow...she's the only person I trust fully to help me besides my family. I'm not sure I'm ready to tell my family yet...I'm afraid.


Oh, I have a question too...I've been feeling sick a lot lately. I had a fever last week, but I'm still getting sick without having a fever this week. If it just from the stress and stuff?
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 03:07 AM

Oh my gosh Audrey, I'm so so sorry to hear this...that's terible, no one should be treated like this.
You definitely are doing the right thing in telling your coach tomorrow, telling someone will get something done and that's what needs to happen.
You need to be heard and some sort of precautions need to be taken to keep you away, or not alone with, this guy.
You need to also tell your family, or have your coach speak with them after you tell her if you don't feel you have the strength to, they need to know and they can get you help.
None of this is your fault, please don't think that, it's not your fault he hurt you, it's his.
About the feeling sick, it could be stress related, have you told anyone about it?
You might want to also mention that to your coach as well, telling her everything would be a good idea, try to not leave anything out, even the smallest things.
I really hope he doesn't hurt you again and if you ever need me, you can PM me, i will be here for you, you don't need to deal with this alone and talking helps a lot.

Christina <3


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 03:34 AM

Audrey i'm so sorry you are going trough this.. U have to tell your, coach she will help you out and make sure things are going to be ok. Hope that guy doesn't ever hurt you like this ever again. Hope things turn out good you just have to have faith.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 12:44 PM

Your'e not at fault.. not at all, Audrey. When you first started dating him you saw his good side, you saw a sweet caring guy. Sometimes you don't want to see the bad in people, you know? Or admit it might be too good to be true. The fact is you are NOT at fault for not listening to your friends, things happen.

Telling someone is a very scary thing to do and I'm proud of you, that you're going to tell your coach. Do you think she could be there with you when you speak to your family? A comforting face? It might make it a bit easier for you. Remember that if you can tell one person.. you can tell someone else. You have that strength within you, and strength isn't something that goes away over time.

The sickness could be stress, it could be some kind of virus.. it might be a good idea to see your doctor.

You're doing an amazing job, hang in there. x



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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 02:41 PM

I told my coach...she helped me through it. There were many tears...and she said to tell my parents ASAP. So I did...they didn't freak out, but they were crying for me. My mom gave me many hugs and kisses and my dad said he's going to rip Ryan's throat out. Plus we called the police...

They knew something was up when I was throwing up a lot and was being antisocial...they're taking me to the doctor to make sure Ryan didn't hurt me or give me an STD or something.

I'll keep you posted on the results of the check up.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 07:37 PM

Well done for telling someone and sorry for what happened. Make sure you don't trust anyone so easily again.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 10:34 PM

Well done girl! Im proud of u!
Does he go to the same school as u? If so, dont walk alone there, actually it might be better for u not to walk alone anywhere.
Im not saying he will do somethin to u, but I think its better ur never alone
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 27th 2010, 11:33 PM

Thank you everyone for your support.
He doesn't go to the same school as me, but he goes to a school near mine.

I'm still getting sick...like this morning I got violently sick at like 11 and kept throwing up until like 3 so my doctor made me get checked for various STDs and such. No change in my diet though (still eating like a pig haha) so he said that's good but he still took some tests and he said that I should get the results in 1-4 days.

He also said that when he checked me out he saw that there were random blue lines all over my breasts. He never told me what they were from so I'm really scared that it's something that could kill me.

I also flipped out on him at random times and cried when they took my blood test, which I never do (because i'm diabetic and I get blood taken all the time). I think it's just from the trauma, but I'm scared it's something worse or even deadly.

What am I suppose to do though because I have a date with Ryan tomorrow at 3! Do I blow him off or text him to say I'm not going or what? And do I tell him I told the police?

Last edited by Nope; February 28th 2010 at 03:20 AM.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 03:11 AM

Guys sorry to double post but my doctor just called and told me that he saw something strange in my blood sample but he's not sure...I have diabetes which makes it harder to kind of tell whats going on so he's not quite sure...he's going to work on it some more and call me back hopefully tomorrow.

Pray for me

Last edited by Nope; February 28th 2010 at 03:20 AM.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 03:20 AM

Hey there. I'm SO SORRY this happened to you.

I wish you actually PHYSICALLY felt hugs on the internet...oh well! This will have to do...



You've done a very good job reaching out to your coach about this. If you want to, you could always tell a couple of close friends. They've probably seen that something is going on and wonder what's wrong.

It's not YOUR fault at all. Not by any stretch of the imagination


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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 03:35 AM

I'm very happy to hear you did talk to someone and your parents helped you out and supported you. I hope everything goes well for you. This guy needs some serious help somewhere.


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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 03:45 AM

Im glad you talked to someone.
Ryan needs to be behind bars.
Good luck hun
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 03:52 AM

this guy isnt even supposed to be dating girls with such an attitude...

he is worse than a lot of bad people around. I hope everything is alright.. you deserve the best, and i assure you that this event can be overcome. No matter what happens, don't lose faith.

we are all always going to be here to support you, and give you advice and maybe yeah hugs (cause they rock ) and all that. I hope everything's going to work out well


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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 02:22 PM

Guys I just called my doctor asking him if the results were in.

He thinks I might be pregnant.

He's not 100% sure because the blood test results are still being looked at but what he noticed at my check up (the sickness, the weight gain, the blue lines on my breasts, the strange flipping out at him, etc) are all symptoms of pregnancy.

He told me to take a home pregnancy test, and come in later for an ultrasound just to check.

I really hope I'm not pregnant. I'm too young to be a mommy.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 06:33 PM

Hang in there Audrey
Stay strong.
I'm always here. So really PM me anytime okay? x




   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 06:46 PM

Hey Audrey,

I'm so glad you told your coach and parents and that they are fully supporting you and helping you out.
I'm glad you went to the doctors and got things checked out, it's understandable that you got mad at times and cried, whether that's from being scared or from being pregnant I wouldn't know but the good thing is that you are getting help and guidance through all of this.
About tomorrow's date, cancel immediately and sense you told the police about this, they should be looking for Ryan and dealing with him, I hope they are, he needs something.
It's a good thing you both don't go to the same school and that you are staying strong. Keep staying strong and if you ever need me or anyone else, we will all be here for you, keep us posted and good luck getting through this.
I'll be praying for you.
Christina


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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 06:52 PM

I went in for my ultrasound to see if I'm pregnant.
He saw a baby.
I'm pregnant.
6 and a half weeks pregnant to be exact.
The due date is October 22.

I've always wanted to be a mommy. But at 16?
I'm scared.
And kind of relieved.
A baby is the only thing they found. No STD's.
I can't believe I'm having a baby.

Last edited by Nope; February 28th 2010 at 07:00 PM.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 08:05 PM

....
*gives you some hugs..*

i know you are going through a lot.. the knowledge of that must be overwhelming. But the main thing to remember.. THIS IS NOT your fault. I 'm sure that everyone else understands what you are going through. You are not going this alone because people you know who love and care about you will be willing to help you go through this.

I understand that sometimes things dont go the way you want it to be.. but sometimes fate can be cruel. Just let it sink in slowly.. and the fact will hurt a little less every passing day.

I am so proud of you for sticking strong through this. And i as well as the rest of the people over here as well as all those who care about you in real life, shall help you and pull you through. YOU CAN DO THIS!

caring always.


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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 08:16 PM

Sorry if Im late

U can either cancel the date tomorrow or go. But take the cops with u so they can talk to ryan and even arrest him.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - February 28th 2010, 10:41 PM

You need to explain this to your parents and perhaps get some councilling to help you through this, and your parents will support you too on this. You NEED to get him arrested. Tell the authorities right away. He can't hurt you or anyone you know if he's behind bars where he belongs, that piece of crap.
   
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Re: I need to tell SOMEONE. - March 3rd 2010, 01:22 AM

Hello there. Sorry for this. But you have to stay strong to get past this. Take it one step at a time. For now, that step needs to be talking. Talk to your mother are anyone you can trust and can help you. And I suggest you report what happened to you. It isn't fair and this guy might hurt you again. Tell the police and tell your mother too. Don't be afraid.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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