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Lonely7 Offline
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Is it my fault? - March 4th 2010, 05:30 AM

I knew this girl who was abused by her dad. She told me she was scared to go home because she wasn't sure if she'd live or die. We were really good friends...like sisters. I felt so bad for her. I never knew what it was like to be abused but...I could almost feel her pain. She was diagnosed with Bi polar but I don't think she was. I think she was just mentally ruined because of what her dad did to her. One time, she ran away from home after he threw her off her bed, hit her and told her to get a new home (with a few censored words). She called me from my brother-inlaw's house (They lived like a block away) and was crying. When I got there she was having a huge break down.

She was crying, barely able to breath or stand up. She clung onto me when I got there and didn't want to let go. I didn't either. Her mom just lets it happen and is also very mentally abusive towards her. After that my dad and I took her home and then her friend called and I told her she was safe then SHE went and told the girl's mom and then my dad almost got in trouble with the law. So we gave her back to the police, even though they ignored our countless begging and pleading to not let her go because we both knew she wouldn't make it.

I hate cops after this because they didn't listen at all. They just gave her away. Ever since then I haven't seen her and I'm scared she's dead or something. I don't know what to do. I felt and still do feel so helpless. I couldn't do anything. I had sworn to her I'd keep her safe and I didn't. I broke my promise and its all my fault. I probably made it a whole lot worse for her. I don't know if she's alive or dead and it scares me to death because i know if she's dead then I killed her because I made it worse and I probably made her dad mad enough to finally beat her to death. What do I do?
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Philomath Offline
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Re: Is it my fault? - March 4th 2010, 09:52 AM

Hey, welcome to TH,

First of all, none of this is your fault. It's her dad's fault and her mom's fault for treating her that way. You are just her friend, probably the same age she is, there isn't a whole lot you can do in a situation like this except try to be there for her, which you have done, tell the authorities, which you have done and just know that you aren't responssible to make decisions for your friends safety, that's the job of adults, such as the police and other adults. You promised you would keep her safe, you tried your best to do that for as long as you could, you aren't able to watch her all the time because you both live at different places, which means none of this is your fault. The police should have listened to you and your parents when you told them what had happened.
Do you definitely know that she went back home to her parents? The police could have put her in a foster home and not told you about it.
I think you should try calling her house, see if she is there and if her parents will let you talk to her, if they answer and tell you she isn't there, ask them where she is.

I hope this helps, if you ever need anything, you can PM me.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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Re: Is it my fault? - March 4th 2010, 05:08 PM

Hey there,

I'm so sorry that your in this situation. However, none of it is your fault. In fact what you've done for her is amazing. You were there for her when she needed you. You should be proud of yourself that you did as much as you could. Don't blame yourself for the mistakes of the authorities.

I agree, I do think you should try to get intouch with her by any means possible. Call her house. Go to their house. Talk to the police. In situations of abuse they should be checking up on her frequently, if not removing her from the situation. See if they can tell you anything. Tell them you haven't heard from her since that night.

My heart goes out to you. This is in no way your fault. You did an amazing job supporting her. Please PM me if you need to talk.
Take care.

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You gotta live it before itís too late
I canít turn that clock back around
On what youíre dreaming about
You better do it now, donít wait

Do something crazy and dumb, while your still young. <3

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Re: Is it my fault? - March 7th 2010, 12:40 AM


Please don't blame yourself. I know it's hard but it's not your fault at all. The only ones at blame are her parents. The police failed her horribly from what you said. They are the ones who failed her, not you. Try getting in touch with her in any way you can. You were an amazing friend to her and she was so lucky to have you around. You were there for her. Nothing is your fault.

Take care and good luck.

"Throw me around, break me, use me, and leave me
Poison me, blind me
Do whatever you want to do
Iím yours to destroy
All I want is to be free"

"Clinging onto lost hope
Trying to find myself again
Am I remembered or forgotten like a passing stranger?"
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Re: Is it my fault? - March 7th 2010, 02:10 AM

You are a wonderful friend, and none of this is your fault. You did everything you could think of, and wherever she is I'm sure they put her in a Foster Home, a place where her abusive father cannot hurt her or beat her anymore and I am sure she is alive and well and is not dead. You will connect again, and I'm sure she will be okay.
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