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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Was this abuse? - March 8th 2010, 04:25 PM

This has been bothering me for a long time. When I was little, I have very clear memories of being put in the bath with my dad (both of us naked). I remember he used enjoy it, and he used to let me touch his genitals. I can't remember if he made me do it, or if he just encouraged the curiosity of a young girl, but I know that he didn't discourage it or stop me from doing it, or tell me that it was wrong, and he always seemed to get some form of pleasure out of this. As I've gotten older, he's developed habits that I'm really uncomfortable with - walking in on me when he knows I'll be getting changed, always urging me to wear short skirts and bikinis. He used to slap my bottom although I managed to make him stop doing that, but he still always seems to want to touch me (patting me on the shoulder, shaking my hand - nothing weird as such but he knows it makes me uncomfortable). My mum obviously knows/knew it was going on, but she's never made an effort to stop him.

I'm going through a lot of issues now within my mind and at home (hence why confronting either of my parents about it is out of the question) that may lead on to involving social services, and I really really need to know if this would qualifiy as abuse before I say anything to anyone about it. I can't stand the idea of it seeming like I'm making a fuss over nothing. But it's really, really messing with my head.
Thanks x
   
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 8th 2010, 08:30 PM

Hey girlie <3.
Don't feel like you're making a fuss; you're really not.
Whenever someone makes you feel uncomfortable that way... especially an adult, something needs to change.
So yes, hat he did was wrong, and no, it's certainly not your fault.
According to the National Center of Child Abuse and Neglect, that does qualify as child (sexual) abuse. Here <--- is a pretty good link that can give you some more information, with sources and such to refer to.
I'm including an excerpt that I thought applied to your situation:

"Sexual abuse is any time that a child is engaged in a sexual situation with an older person. It can include actual physical contact, such as fondling or rape, but it also includes making a child watch sexual acts or pornography, using a child in any aspect of the production of pornography, or making a child look at an adult's genitals."

I'm really sorry that your father treated you that way, and that your mother hasn't done anything to stop it. That's absolutely inexcusable, and you deserve to be in a place where you feel safe, comfortable, and cared for. No one should feel uncomfortable or afraid in their own home. I would strongly suggest that you do talk to the social worker, or even your guidance counsellor to help you out.Especially if you have younger siblings.

Best of luck, and I hope that everything works out <3
If I can help you with anything, just shoot a PM my way.
Peace&Love,
-Nev




if i've ever learned anything, it's to be loved.
funny how accepting and allowing that can be so hard,
when loving someone else can be so easy.
the thing is, we accept exactly what we think we deserve,
no matter what that may be.
so i'm thinking it's time to change our mindsets;
if we haven't yet figured out that we deserve the best,
then it's certainly time.
think about it ;]
<3
love,
Nev

Last edited by lovely.manifestation; March 8th 2010 at 08:38 PM.
   
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 8th 2010, 11:23 PM

I find this very disturbing, and that is sick and it's abuse. He shouldn't at all be making you touch his genitals at any age, even to encourage some source of curiosity you may have had of the human body! It's just wrong and I think you should go live somewhere else and tell a Psychiatrist or an officer about this and get him some help.
   
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 13th 2010, 05:58 AM

This is definately considered abuse. particularily because it is messing with you so much. this is important and i think you should tell an officer or a person from child services. good luck! pm me if you need anything.


"If you are going to tell the truth, be funny, or they'll kill you."
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My tumblr is mydalekromance.tumblr.com please visit me there.

feel free to contact me anytime.
Support for victims of sexual assault or abuse can be found here start the healing
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 17th 2010, 04:49 PM

Thank you. But I can't tell.
Everyone will think I'm lying. A year ago I was referred to counsellors, CAMHs, everything for self harm and being suicidal, and the pain it caused my parents and the anger I felt towards them for not being strong enough to help me was too much, so I said I was fine. Recently I tried to overdose again, I told a teacher about it because I'm so scared, but then a the school rang my parents and I had to backtrack and say my words must have got twisted and that I hadn't tried to do it, because they're not strong enough to deal with it. So now my parents think I lied about killing myself even though they're still worried about me, the school's referring me back to CAMHs but they're taking months about it and every day is a battle. I think even the teacher I told about the suicide attempt thinks that I'm exaggerating the way I feel.

Telling them about this will just make them all think I'm crying out for attention. My dad's so involved with the school, chair of the PTA, always helping out at events. They won't believe me. And I've learnt that keeping it in is better than telling the truth and not being taken seriously.

But I want it to stop so much
   
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 17th 2010, 06:05 PM

Is there anyone that you talk to? A close friend, a teacher you get along with really well...another family member? Someone who you trust and who trusts you? I think that'd be a good place to start with telling someone.
You can tell.
It can stop.
You don't deserve this.


If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. <3



Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.
PM me anytime <3
   
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 17th 2010, 07:56 PM

Keeping it in is not better than telling the truth and I'm sure you can find someone who will listen and if not your teachers or friends than someone who DOESN'T know your dad. What he did was NOT nor should ever be considered okay. People her believe you so I'm sure, others would too.
   
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 18th 2010, 02:49 AM

Your thinking about your parents feelings and how they would react but are you really thinking about yourself? This isn't really a situation where you can put someone else before you. You have to put yourself first now.


" One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. "

i wonder when i'll finally jsut start accepting myself, when i'll stop saying i wish i could be like that person.

i have facebook, and myspace. and you can ask for it. :P
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 22nd 2010, 11:54 PM

social services will not tell who told because they cant and they could ust say that it was someone worried about you

but he was in the wrong and some ver simler happen to me but it wasnt with my father it wax with my cosin

please get help
pm anytime

theresa
   
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Re: Was this abuse? - March 24th 2010, 10:31 PM

Thank you all <3
I really, really want to tell.
But no one cares. The school knows everything. That I started trying to kill myself again a few weeks ago, that I've SHed for the last 4 years, everything. And no one cares. Not my teachers, not the child protection officer, no one. So if I tell, nothing will change, and nothing will happen, and I'll feel like my last means of getting help will have been taken from me if that makse sense?
Ahh
   
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