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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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MillyVsAmelia Offline
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Is this our fault? - March 12th 2010, 09:56 AM

Basically you hear stories about how girls being harrassed and raped being partly their fault because of the way they dress and the way they act. I'm naturally flirty and it doesn't mean i like someone its just me being friendly. I can't help it.
So anyway about a week ago I was out with my two friends, lets call them Ellie and Cara. So a boy from Cara's college came out with us. Me and Ellie had never actually met him and we weren't aware of what he was like. At first I thought he was okay, he wasn't good looking and I don't mean to sound harsh but, I'm gay anyway so you know I would say that, they didn't think so either. When we were out he gradually started getting close to us and I mean too close for comfort. Cara was his main target and she isn't very good at being firm with people and telling them to back off. We were at the supermarket and he started putting his arm around all three of us. We didn't really want to say get off because he wasn't doing us any harm so we just sort of let him. Eventually he started going too far with Cara and she finally told him to get off. It was at this point we realised that he had no intentions of getting off. He was insistant that he wasn't doing anything wrong and that she loved it. She's really not like that, she hates people being in her personal space.
A while later we started walking back to Cara's house to try and shake him off but he didn't intend to leave. When we got back he was even worse. He was coming out with vile, disrespectful comments and was hugging us and trying to hold our hands no matter how much we yelled and screamed at him to leave us alone.
In a desperate attempt to make ourselves distant me and Ellie went to the toilet and didn't dare come back downstairs not thinking that we'd left Cara alone with him. We could hear Cara shouting at him and him basically telling her to shut up, he tried to undo her bra strap and get into her pants and eventually she told him to leave. We were still hiding upstairs when he said I'm not leaving until you all give me a hug. Cara gave in and gave him a hug but we just stood on the stairs and refused point blank. We are stronger inside than Cara is.
Its nothing I know because he didn't rape us and we got rid of it but I'm worried because Cara has to put up with him at college everyday and she can't say no to him. Sorry for like this not being anything much its just a concern for a friend and I'm frightened we led him on.


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Re: Is this our fault? - March 12th 2010, 11:02 AM

I'll admit I didn't read the entirity of your thread due to not wanting to be triggered, but what I wanted to say is no, being raped is not your fault.



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Re: Is this our fault? - March 12th 2010, 06:50 PM

People get raped because of a psychotic being, who is desperate for arousal.

I don't understand what your story has to do with rape, since it didn't happen. But it wouldn't of been your fault had he done something, and you chose to hide.
You probably would feel guilty, and somewhat responsible - but its not you're fault he did something.
   
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Re: Is this our fault? - March 13th 2010, 03:03 AM

Guys, I don't think this has anything to do with rape, she's just scared that something will happen to her friend because she has to see this guy every day.

Now, it's not your fault. Reading this, I don't see how you could have led him on. You told him to get off, and to leave all of you alone.That's not leading him on, not at all. If you think he might hurt your friend, you could always get her to talk to her school counselor, or if she lives on campus, to her house mother/ resident adviser. the best opinion here, is to stay away from this guy. Don't let him hang out with you, if he tries, tell him you don't want him around. Also, don't leave one of the girls alone with him, you have strength in numbers. Alone, he could do whatever he wants, but if he has witnesses, he has to hold back on that.

If you need anything, feel free to pm me.


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Re: Is this our fault? - March 13th 2010, 05:44 AM

i don't really think you guys were leading him on. you were trying to be nice and when he started being weird, you tried to make him stop. i understand your concern for your friend because he was being very aggressive to say the least. but i don't really believe it was your fault. if you are really afraid for your friend then maybe talk it over with her and if it gets worse involve the police. good luck! pm me if you need anything.


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