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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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poopyreindeer Offline
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. - March 15th 2010, 06:20 PM

When i was 7, one of my brothers friends (who was 16) sexually abused me, we did everything bar sex, literally EVERYTHING. Except penetration... thing is, i didn't see it as abuse, I feel guilty thinking about it, because i was 7.. i should of been able to tell wrong from right so why does everybody say stuff like.. it wasnt your fault blaablaa, it seems as much me as it does him, i mean.. it takes two to tango right?
But anyway.. I'm too scared to like.. do anything 'sexual'... even holding hands with someone feels too intimate. I dont want to be scared for the whole... lets put it.. not being a virgin anymore.. but i'm scared it will hurt ? help?
   
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Re: . - March 15th 2010, 08:15 PM

Hey, there. Welcome to TeenHelp!
To be honest, these sorts of feelings are COMPLETELY normal in someone who has been abused. And it wasn't your fault. If you didn't tell anyone, it was because you were too scared, which is totally understandable. My advice is to maybe find someone to talk to about what happened so that you can eventually feel comfortable with sex and things like that.
   
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Re: . - March 15th 2010, 08:35 PM

I did tell someone, it eventually ended in a court case.. found not guilty due to 'insufficient evidence' i also see a counsellor once a week, but dont have the balls to say anything about this subject
   
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Re: . - March 29th 2010, 09:22 PM

id suggest talking to the counsellor. or just someone. talking although you may build it up in your head as embaressing or uneccesary can really help. just to have someone else know and to give there thoughts on it will ease you a bit.
it will in no way make you forget.. it is a rough ride. but it will help.

it was in no way your fault. your were too young to even really understand what was happening let a known to know it was wrong.
hes the one in the wrong. never forget that.
hope it gets better


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Re: . - March 29th 2010, 09:32 PM

Hey i've been in the same situation, and it took me years to realize i was 7 years old, i knew what vaguely what sex was, but i didn't realize what he was doing was wrong, sweetie, he sexually abused you, and it ISN'T your fault, you were 7, and what you have to understand is that you were vulnerable to him, he should of known better. Well done for posting here today, i really think you should talk to your counselor about this topic, though, i think it could really benefit you to open up to them.
Again i went through the same problem, of not wanting to be intimate with someone, and found it ridiculously hard to trust someone, i know with me, i went about it the wrong way, one day i was just like i can't deal with this anymore and had sex for the sake of it, But the best thing to do is wait for someone you really like and trust, then things will just come naturally, TBH, i'm not gonna lie, it probably will be hard to get into the whole dating/sex scene after your experience but just give it time, i'm 11 years on from what happened to me, and still find it difficult sometimes, but things do get easier with time.

And about sex hurting, it completely depends on the girl, sometimes it does, sometimes it dose'nt, it entirely depends on if your hymen is already broken, and how nervous you are etc, when it does come to having sex just make sure you use protection, and use plenty of lube etc, oh and just relax (Y)

if you wanna talk anymore, PM me, and we can talk x


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Re: . - March 29th 2010, 10:50 PM

Here is the thing: He was 16. He knew right from wrond. When you are 7 it is pretty much you will believe someone, no matter who it is when they say it is ok. I was raped by my Mom's boyfriend (who was like 50) when I was 13. So for you to say you feel you should have known better is not necessarily true. It depends on what you have been taught. I know how you feel about holding someone's hand and it feeling just "not right." Something you have to realize is that you could not have prevented it from happening if he wanted it to. Ya know? I know how councelors' are when it comes to talking about things. They just seem to make things worse and tell you things you already know because they do not know how you really feel. Truth is no one can know EXACTLY how you feel because we are unique individuals. Councelors will try to tell you they have been where you have been to get you to open up. You eventually need to talk to something about it. I never felt comfortable telling a complete stranger what happened to me because to me, they cared nothing about me. They did not even know me and I did not even know them. The one person I ended up opening up fully to is the guy I am with now. However, I have known him ever since the day I was born. However, it might be easier for you to open up to someone you do not exactly know because it is easy to just walk away. You don't have to ever see that person again unless you choose to. Make sense? One thing you have to do is deal with the burden it left. You may say you already have but this post proves you have not. You may try to say you have tried. But trying is only useful when you succeed. You cannot succeed unless you put all into it. If you EVER feel the need to talk to someone who may be able to relate more than most people, you can PM, VM, or IM me through yahoo IM. Also, You can e-mail me or maybe even call me or text me. You should not have to go through life feeling as though something someone else did is your fault. Think about it: If it was not for him, it would not have happened. That makes it not your fault. He could have done that to anyone not just you in particular. You did not know any better. How can you be held responsible for something you did not know about? Like I said if you want to talk, I can give you my cell number to text or whatever. If not that is okay too. Hopefully this helps some.


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Re: . - March 29th 2010, 11:32 PM

I was sexually abused/assaulted/raped at a young age. So it is hard for me to get close to someone now.. Mainly guys.. So it's totally normal. I found that talking to a councellor helped me a lot, and when I was blaming myself about it, they helped me realize that it wasn't my fault. Also, they help with your self-esteem, and feel better about yourself. I highly recommend talking to someone.

Take care of yourself, PM me anytime
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Re: . - March 29th 2010, 11:38 PM

As the others have said i would agree with them. I would highly recommend you talking to a counselor or someone that is of importance in your life. Believe it or not, it really can help. Just getting your feelings out and knowing there is someone there who cares about you and what has happened. I have been sexually and physically assaulted. I eventually had to tell my Dad and he took care of the issue immediately. Good luck.

I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to.
Take care.




   
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Re: . - March 29th 2010, 11:49 PM

You were a child, it was in no way your fault. He knew exactly what he was doing. I suggest talking to your counselor about this, s/he will help. In no way this was your fault.



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Re: . - March 30th 2010, 01:07 AM

Everyone else is right. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he knew right from wrong. You were just a child and it was not your fault. Talking to someone about this might help, and I know that having trouble with getting intimate with someone is completely normal considering what you've been through. Just remember, it was in NO way your fault. I'll say it again: It wasn't your fault at all.
I wish you the best of luck


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